


i shall not fail that rendezvous

by whiskersthemouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Sunshine (2007), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Steve Rogers, Bittersweet Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Major Character Death(s), Mildly accurate treatment of sun poisioning/Polymorphous light eruption (PMLE), Multi, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Self-Sacrifice, So much angst, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, questionable science, reference to dissociation, seriously everyone dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 17:13:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18015011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskersthemouse/pseuds/whiskersthemouse
Summary: In a distant future, the Sun is dying. 7 years ago, the Valkyrie set out on a mission to reignite the dying star. It failed on that mission. Now, a second mission, the last desperate hope of humanity, rests on the 8 member crew of the Avenger. AKA a Sunshine AU nobody asked for but, well, here it is.





	i shall not fail that rendezvous

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder to heed the tags!
> 
> Super big awesome many tons of thanks to starmaki for the glorious artwork (2 pieces AND a banner!!!) and for being so patient with me! 
> 
> Huge thanks to alcnolien for betaing and just for being the coolest.

 

  
_It was, Steve marveled, exceptionally beautiful in its blindingness. So bright and awesome, an incomprehensible cacophony of color and heat; it was an assault on all his senses. And it meant that they had won. It was over. Relief flooded through him. The pain in his limbs had given way to numbness,  and he could barely push his chest out enough to take in more than a gasping breath. He couldn’t move his eyelids, and his eyes had moved beyond stinging to the same sort of deadened sensation that had taken over his legs and arms, crawled up his torso and consumed his ears. He didn’t know if he was unable to hear anymore, or if it was just that there was nothing to hear. His exhale shuddered out of him and he found that he was unable to pull air into his chest, his lungs sucking in tiny gasps and his chest compressed further under his own weight..._

 

           When Steve was 8 years old, he asked his mother what it felt like to be in love. She had told him it was like the warmest, snuggest hug he could imagine. When he was 16 and desperately infatuated with his classmate, he likened it more to an inferno; a fire that ravaged his blood and seemed to consume his thoughts. At 30, he had come to understand that it was many things for many people, but for him he tended to imagine that it would be like a lit fireplace, kept fed with firewood and quietly warming a home. He knew whatever it was, it would endure for a lifetime. He just had never considered how long a lifetime was.

 

~

 

           Steven Grant Rogers had entered the world 2 months early and spent a good amount of his childhood going from doctor to doctor to treat the various ills that came as a result. It was only when he reached puberty, and encountered the kind-hearted Doctor Abraham Erskine, that he shot up even taller than his father had been. He spent the rest of his adolescence working hard to reach physical perfection, as far as he could figure; to offer his body in service to protecting people and spreading the kindness his doctor had insisted was reason enough to follow his vocation. He joined his ROTC and despite his tendency towards renegade action, he still received commendations for his dedication. At 18, his mother’s death left him an orphan and he took that pain and formed it into a shield around his heart as he attended West Point. After graduation he served in a ranger unit until the year he turned 30.

 

           That was also the year that the public was made aware of the extent to which the Sun was dying. A call went out, requesting volunteers for a mission to send a bomb to reignite the Sun. Steve volunteered and was wait-listed. After testing, he demonstrated aptitude in engineering and was brought along with 20 other applicants to receive training in the mechanical structures of the ship they dubbed “Valkyrie”. All 160 candidates for the mission attended a rigorous boot camp and at the end, a pool of 32 were all that was left. The position of ship engineer went to Maria Hill. She and Steve, along with Justin Hammer, had worked together extensively, and Steve felt no sadness in her being picked. She was extremely level headed and pragmatic. It wasn’t just about who the best engineer was, but also whose personality would work best with the rest of the crew. The Valkyrie departed to much fanfare.

 

           4 years after that, it was evident that the Valkyrie had failed in its mission. The Sun was still in decline and there had been no messages from the crew in over 2 years. A second mission was scrambled together. After so many years, many of the original applicants had moved on with their lives or had gone off the grid. Steve had felt like his life was on standby, so when the call came again, he jumped at the opportunity. All returning applicants were brought back in and tested even harder than previously. Every available candidate had to prove their merit and their will, because this was the last chance. If this mission failed, the earth and its inhabitants were doomed. It was during this second, more rigorous training, that Steve felt the spark that would bloom into a supernova.

 

           It had been a complete accident. During his first round of training, Steve had received a “Dear John” message from his then-girlfriend, Karla. After failing to be assigned to the mission, Steve had spiraled for a little while before finally settling on the idea of being a perpetual bachelor and joining the police force. But the first day he walked into the JSC barracks in Houston he was struck a little dumb by his neighbor.  

 

           “Need any help?” A smooth sounding voice came from his right.  Steve didn’t look up from the box in his arms, having spent the last several seconds trying to decipher the label in his illegible writing. It could say “eclair” or it could say “shelf” and he wasn’t quite sure why he would have packed either.

 

           “Oh, no I’m good. I think…” He replied offhandedly, turning the box around again to see if upside down, the label made any more sense before glancing up at the keypad above his door handle.

 

           “Kinda sounds like you do…” The voice had moved closer, the jovial tone trailing off as a hand pushed its way into Steve’s eyesight to push all 0s on the pad. The door beeped and a robotic British voice commanded.

 

           “Please state your name for voice recognition settings.”

 

           “Uh….Steven Grant Rogers.” A snort to his right indicated that the voice and hand it was attached to hadn’t left yet.

 

           “Confirm. Welcome Captain Rogers. Your schedule is on display on the refrigerator. You are to report to Director Fury at 1700 hours. Please note that in this facility as well as the ship, voice recognition will be utilized. My creator also recommends that you program in your preferred temperature and humidity so that I can make your room as pleasant as possible.”

 

           Steve blinked, “Uh...thank you….?”

 

           “Please call me HOMER.”

 

           “Don’t ask what it stands for, trust me.” Oh right, Steve had company. He finally turned to meet the source of companion and was struck a bit dumb. The man who belonged to the voice was nearly as tall as he was, with chocolate colored hair that hung down low enough to brush his chiseled jawline, and stormy grey eyes framed by aristocratic cheekbones. The words classical and beautiful spun around Steve’s brain in a whirlwind while he felt a spark curl in his stomach. Oh right-words.

 

           “What does it stand for?” He asked dumbly.

 

           “Heuristically Operative Matrix Emulation Rostrum.” Replied the robotic voice.

 

           “Right, that. Rolls off the tongue.” Storm-Eyes quirked an eyebrow at Steve. _Just say anything, idiot!_

 

           “Um. right.” _Except that_. Steve wondered briefly if he could ask HOMER to just suck him into the ground and avoid this conversation completely. The extremely attractive stranger seemed to take pity on him and pushed open the door, holding it so that Steve could get into his room.

 

           “Oh, thanks.” He muttered as he walked into the sparse space. Every trainee was given a dorm room, complete with personal bathroom and a kitchenette. Steve walked in and placed his box on the tiny island that separate the kitchen from the bedroom space. As he turned around to properly thank his helper he stopped short at the outstretched hand.

 

           “Well, Steven Grant Rogers, I am James Buchanan Barnes. Nice to meet you.” Steve shook the outstretched hand on instinct, firmly gripping and giving two, hard shakes. “But please, call me Bucky.”

 

           “Bucky?”

 

           “Yeah, it has nothing to do with my middle name, by the way. That’s just a family name on my Ma’s side.” Bucky Barnes’s face transformed into a big easy smile and Steve noted the laugh lines crinkling the edges of his eyes. He smiled back without thought, just basking in the warmth that seemed to radiate from the other man.

 

           “So what does it have to do with?” He questioned.

 

           “When I was like, six, I decided my favorite baseball player was Raymond Harris.” At Steve’s lack of comprehension he added. “Bucky Harris, two time World Series champ and Hall of Fame-r?” Steve shook his head absently.

 

           “Sorry, I wasn’t really into baseball grown up.” Bucky’s eyes widened.

 

           “Seriously? I figured with your shoulders, you would have played.”

 

           Steve chuckled before he could help himself. “Ah no, just a gym rat.” Wait...had that been a come on?

 

           “Well if you want a work out partner, let me know. The gym in this place is insane. Not that I’m surprised, but still, it takes up two floors.” Bucky pointed to a building map displayed on the wall next to Steve’s door. Huh, two floors, and there was even a third floor for an Olympic sized pool.

 

           “No kidding.”

 

           “Yeah well anyways, I’ll probably see you at the meeting, but if you do need any help, I’m in room 701. Across the hall.” Bucky departed with a final dazzling smile and a small wave. Steve just stared after him as the door to his room slowly closed. _Well, that was interesting_ . Steve’s hand felt as if it had been branded, and his brain still whirled with the klaxon ring of “gorgeous” before he realized he hadn’t said anything intelligible or even asked any useful questions. _Dammit, get it together Rogers!_ Besides, he wasn’t here to hook up with anyone, or something as base as that. He was here to train to save humanity. _I probably shouldn’t pull on that thread._ Steve found himself opening his door anyway, if only to stare at the innocuous door across from him.

 

~

 

           At the meeting, Nicholas Fury stalked back and forth in front of everyone.

 

           “Now you’re all here because, quite frankly, you’re humanity’s last hope. As you know by now, the Valkyrie failed in its mission. We don’t have any details about how or why this occurred. As it is, we’re on a rushed timetable to get the Avenger up and running.” At this he turned toward one of the floor-to-ceiling window panes, glancing into the sky.

 

           “Up there is where the Avenger is waiting, in upper Earth orbit. She’s not finished just yet, but in 2 months time you’ll all be up there, helping put on the finishing touches and getting on-ship training in low gravity. In a year we’re hoping to send you on your way to the Sun and finally just nuke the thing.” He glanced at the assembled group. “You’ll be separated into A Crew and B Crew after the psych evals are finished. We won’t decide which crew will ultimately take off until we see how well everyone does together. If need be we’ll switch around people. But as of right now, you all are it. So get over yourselves and work together. That’s the only way this is getting done.”

 

           The sound of a throat clearing had everyone turning around. Tony Stark stood in the doorway, slouching against the frame with his arms crossed. Steve found himself frowning at the presumed disinterest.

 

           “Right, this is Anthony Stark, as you might recall from your first time here. He’s been benched from joining the crew for health reasons, but he’s responsible for designing this facility, the Avenger, and most importantly, the bomb. I assume you’ll be free for any questions anyone might have, Stark?”

 

           Tony snorted in reply. “Benched temporarily. I’m not going to let a little old heart attack slow me down. And no, I’ll be too busy working on the ship that will save humanity. If anyone has questions, ask HOMER.” He waved his arms around as he spoke, and Steve had flashbacks to their first briefing. It looked like his first impression wasn’t changing at all. Stark was still an arrogant asshole and quite frankly, Steve didn’t mind not being able to talk to him, despite of the fact that, as the engineer, it was Steve’s job to learn the Avenger inside and out. He’d let Hill take the reins the last time they had to learn from Stark. She bore his attitude with patience but Steve had seen her punching her frustration out many times. He still couldn’t understand what had happened to the Valkyrie. Schmidt, while standoffish, was incredibly intelligent and had lead the team with a seeming iron fist. Everyone had been terrifyingly competent. And now they were sending in the second strings or even third strings.

 

           “Thanks, Stark. Evals will take place tomorrow, and then again in 5 months. You’ll find yours on your schedules.  After the evaluations are done we’ll organize you into Crews A and B. From then on, you will train with your crew as if your crew is the one that will be sent out to the Sun. Please, do not get it into your head that either Crew is the backup. Final crew will be decided in 5 months, but you all will still train for the full year in case anyone has to drop out.”

 

           “HOMER’s algorithm is solid, so the crews established shouldn’t have any problems.” Another smirk from Tony had Steve gritting his teeth. At least he wouldn’t be on any of the teams. He had brushed it off earlier, but Stark had suffered a major heart attack at the 11th hour of training, and Hank Pym had been pulled in to replace him aboard the Valkyrie. Supposedly, Stark now had a pacemaker keeping his heart in line.

 

           “All meals are provided for you in the canteen. You’ll each be following a nutrition plan. Gym is open 24 hours, but don’t overexert yourselves. Got it? Your gear will have built in sensors for heart rate, BP, temperature, all that good stuff. Your vitals won’t be monitored when you’re asleep, but that’s about it. You are no longer just an individual, you are the final representation of humanity. Now go eat and get a good rest. If you thought training before was difficult, you’re in for a rude awakening. Everyone, dismissed.” Fury turned away from them to look through his tablet. Stark straightened up and gave them all an appraising look before disappearing down the hallway.

 

          As Steve moved to leave he realized that he didn’t quite know where the canteen was and made an abortive step to turn around. This resulted in him crashing into the person behind him.

 

           “Whoa!” A pair of hands caught him on the biceps, and Steve had to stop the instinctive response to knock the hands away and get in a fighting stance. He allowed the hands to steady him and held up his hands palm out.

 

           “Sorry! Still getting used to navigating this place.”

 

           “I mean, the door’s right there.” The man he had run into grinned at him, dropping his hands to  motion towards said door. This stranger had a close shaved head and a wide smile. He stood shorter than Steve but had a relaxed, easy going way about his movements.

 

           “Right…” Today was not Steve’s day. “I was actually trying to remember how to get to the canteen.” He could at least salvage this interaction.

 

           “I knew I liked you for a reason, I’m also heading there. First we gotta exit the room though.” This time the man gave him a light push to spin him towards the door. “Alright so now we just...go out through the doorway and take a right.” Large hands settled on his shoulders as he was maneuvered.

 

           “You don’t actually have to lead me around.” Steve said over his shoulder.

 

           “Man, you got lost in a single room, I think you’ll need all the help you can get.” Steve snorted and shrugged his shoulders.

 

          “Ok well since you’re my guide can I at least know who you are?” The man stepped quickly so he stood in front of Steve with his hand outstretched.

 

           “Sam Wilson, at your service. I’m gonna be the comms guy. You can trust me to lead you to the grub, but I ain’t spoon feeding you.”

 

           Steve laughed and shook Sam’s hand. “Steve Rogers, and if you can believe it, I’m supposed to be the engineer.”

 

           Sam chuckled back at him. “So you know all about how it works, but not how it’s organized. Well at least you aren’t here to navigate.”

 

           “Now that would be my job.” A voice from behind them had both men turning to face a dirty blond haired man mid-bow. As he straightened up from the waist he flung out his arms. ”Clint Barton, at your service-” and managed to whack a petite redhead on the shoulder with his movements. “Oh shit, sorry!” He moved towards her and somehow tripped over his own feet, sending him careening into the commanding blonde who was walking next to the redhead. “Shit!”

 

           Both women stared at him with deeply unimpressed glares. The blonde helped steady him.

 

           “ _H_ _opefully_ , you’re more graceful in zero-grav.” She said with a curl to her lip. The redhead muttered something that sounded like Russian to Steve’s ear. Clint bit back a sharp reply, which surprised her. Sam smiled his wide grin at them.

 

           “Well, now that we’ve all proved why we’re the best of the best for this mission, let me introduce myself. Sam Wilson. This here is Steve Rogers, comms and engineering.” Both women gave them both a once over before the blonde returned Sam’s grin.

 

           “Carol Danvers, good to meet you. Captain-in-training. This is Natasha Romanoff, pilot-in-training.” Natasha had crossed her arms during their introduction.

 

           “You both look like military guys.” It seemed like she was smirking, although her mouth hadn’t changed shape.

 

           “You got me there, former Pararescue.” Sam replied openly.

 

           “Rangers.” Steve answered as well.

 

           “Nice. Air Force for me, and Natasha here is former RuAF.” Carol and Natasha shared a knowing glance at this. “And...you?” She indicated Clint, who shrugged.

 

           “Circus.” He said nonchalantly as he glanced down the hallway where everyone else had disappeared. He was nearly as broad as Steve and when he turned his head, Steve thought he caught sight of a small purple device along his ear. _Hearing aid? Wait, did he say circus?_

 

           “Well, I’m in a rush to get some grub. You ladies hungry?” Sam smiled at them, and both nodded in reply. “Great, then let’s all get to that canteen.

 

           The five of them managed to make their way down, finding the rest of the trainees already seated and eating. Steve noticed that the seat next to Bucky was empty, so he made his way over with his food. As he set his tray down, Bucky looked up and smiled warmly at him. Steve smiled back as he sat down. Sam sat on his other side, Natasha and Carol sitting themselves across from Steve and Sam. Clint grabbed a place at the end.

 

           On Natasha’s left sat a young woman with auburn hair. Steve reached out a hand to her. “Hi, I’m Steve Rogers.”

 

           She shook his hand delicately. “Wanda Maximoff.” She smiled back. Maximoff? Why did that sound familiar?

 

           “Is your brother Pietro Maximoff?” Clint asked. She nodded as her smile fell. Oh, Steve remembered. Pietro Maximoff had been the botanist on the Valkyrie. Steve glanced at Wanda and she dropped her chin, staring down at her food.

 

           Natasha snapped something in Russian again at Clint,who had the good sense to look embarrassed. Bucky looked between them and said something else in Russian. This delighted Natasha, who let off a long string of words. Steve glanced at Sam, who shrugged.

 

           “Sorry, I don’t speak Russian. I know some Spanish, though.”

 

           Bucky replied to Natasha and opened his mouth to say something else when, with a small smile, Wanda interjected  still in Russian. Everyone’s attention snapped to her as both Bucky and Natasha let out loud laughs, and her grin grew wider.

 

           “Ok, ok, I get it! I’m sorry!” Clint called from the end of the table, causing the trio to laugh harder.  

 

           Steve found himself staring at Bucky as the man laughed. He really was beautiful. He had the kind of cleft chin you only saw on golden age Hollywood stars. Bucky caught his eye, and Steve realized he had be staring for a bit too long. He immediately blushed, which unfortunately just meant that his cheeks turned an obnoxiously bright red. Bucky gave him a sweet smile in return. Then Natasha coughed loudly, and they both looked away. She raised an eyebrow at Steve, who felt so embarrassed he dropped his gaze to the meal in front of him. Grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. At least it tasted good.

 

           He found himself caught in a conversation between Bucky, Nat, and Sam that involved some sort of computer game he had never heard of. Sam and Bucky seemed to be trash talking each other’s characters, while Natasha smirked at them both. Steve felt hopelessly confused until Bucky had said his name.

 

           “You don’t play, do you Steve?”

 

           “Uh, no. I’m usually at work or at the gym.”

 

           “That’s just depressing Steven.” Sam said from his left.

          

           “Sorry, Samuel, I didn’t realize my life had to revolve around a computer game.” He quipped back.

 

           “Oh is that how it is?” Sam replied with a grin.

 

           “Looks like it.” Steve bit back.

 

           “Do you have any hobbies?” Bucky asked.

 

           “Uh, sometimes I like to sketch?”

 

           “Do you draw people?” Carol asked, leaning forward to steal a vegetable left on Sam’s plate, ignoring his protest.

 

          “Sometimes? It just depends on what catches my eye.” Steve’s eyes darted to Bucky involuntarily, and he cringed inwardly.

 

           “Seems like I might catch you drawing in your downtime then.” Natasha grinned at him toothily. She had caught his quickly look to the right. He glanced down at his watch and clicked the time. 21:00. Wow, they’d been sitting there for over 3 hours. No wonder everyone’s plates were empty, save for Sam’s few lingering asparagus.

 

           “Oh shit, is that the time?” Bucky’s voice startled Steve as he leaned closer to look at Steve’s watch. “I wanted to get in a swim before bed. I should get going.” He stood up, grabbing his tray. “Anyone else interested?” Several of them shook their heads and Clint replied with a “no”. But Steve felt like he still had energy to burn.

 

           “Yeah, I’ll go.”

 

           Bucky flashed his brilliant smile at Steve again. “Great, let’s go get changed and then head to the pool.” Steve nodded and stood up as well, tray in his hands.

 

           “You sure you won’t get lost, Steve?” Sam asked as he and Bucky moved away from the table.

 

           “Don’t worry, he’s across the hall from me, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get turned around!” Bucky called back. They chatted on the way, discovering that they had both grown up in Brooklyn. They had only lived a few blocks apart, but had gone to different schools. Steve found that falling into conversation with Bucky was effortless. He was startled when Bucky stopped. “Alright, get changed and meet back out in here in 5?”

 

           “You got it.”

 

           Bucky grinned at Steve, then palmed the pad outside his door, slipping inside as it hissed open. Steve turned to his own door, pressing his palm against the pad and waiting to enter. As he walked in, HOMER spoke.

 

           “Good Evening, Steve Rogers.”

 

           “Good Evening, HOMER. Bucky and I are heading to the pool.”

 

           “Very good, sir. There are towels in the linen closet that you can bring down with you.”

 

           Steve found the door in the tiny hall between his bedroom and the bathroom. When he opened it, it was filled with large, soft, white towels. He grabbed two, just in case, and set them on his bed. He had unpacked before the meeting, so he simply had to open his drawer and pull out his swim trunks. He changed into them and grabbed his towel.

 

           “Uh, HOMER?”

 

           “Yes, Steve Rogers?”

 

           “Do I need to carry any sort of ID with me?”

 

           “No, sir. Voice recognition is set for all doors on base. Simply use the palm pad.” Right, HOMER had told this to Steve earlier.

 

           “Okay, thanks HOMER.”

 

           “You’re welcome, sir.”

 

           Steve stepped outside and found Bucky leaning against his own door, two towels thrown over his own shoulders. He seemed to jump when he noticed Steve and his eyes lingered up and down Steve’s body before meeting his eyes.

 

           “HOMER’s so helpful, right?” Steve nodded as he also took in the sight of Bucky in swimming….briefs. Maybe this was a bad idea. Steve snapped his eyes back up, not allowing them to linger on muscular thighs or the trail of dark hair climbing up from below his navel to the faint outline of a six-pack. Nope, not lingering. He wasn’t noticing that Bucky had pulled his hair back into a low bun, nope, certainly not.

 

           As they walked, Bucky rattled off everything he’d learned about the facility when he had taken a walk that morning.  That explained why he navigated it with ease. Once they were at the pool- the _giant, olympic-sized_ pool- they each set their towels down and jumped in. It quickly turned into a race as they tried desperately to beat each other at laps. Steve slammed his hand against the wall triumphantly and burst up from the water, followed barely a second later by Bucky.

 

           “I win!” Steve cheered, out of breath. Bucky responded by splashing him in the face. Which devolved into a splashing war until Steve had managed to pin Bucky’s arms with a tackle that had them bobbing up together, Bucky crushed against Steve’s chest. Bucky was laughing hysterically as Steve shook the hair out of his eyes.

 

           “Sore loser.” He sputtered.

 

           Bucky kept laughing as he wiggled one of his arms enough to get his fingers at Steve’s side and tickle. Steve, predictably, spasmed and let go of the brunet as he desperately tried to swat away the hand. Bucky laughed harder and pulled his hand back. “I’m not a sore loser, you just cheated.”

 

           Steve gave him a disapproving look. “How in the hell could I have cheated, Buck?”

 

           Grey eyes sparkled with mischief. “Your ass in those swim trunks.”

 

           Steve instantly sputtered and somehow sucked in a huge gulp of water. Which left him flailing his arms as he hacked. He felt arms come up under his armpits and pull him up against the wall of the pool. He heaved a few heavy breaths. He could feel the heat in his cheekbones, and he really wanted to avoid Bucky’s gaze. But the other man brushed Steve’s wet hair out of his eyes, still smiling.

 

           “Just kidding!” He laughed at Steve then swam off to the other side of the pool, where they had left their towels.

 

           Steve watched as he climbed out of the pool, water cascading off of his toned body. Talk about an ass. Steve shook his head a bit. Bucky had said he was ‘just kidding’. The other man bent down to pick up his towel, rubbing it on his arms and legs before stretching it out to scrub at his back. Steve swam to the ladder, hoisting himself up. A towel suddenly appeared in front of his face. He glanced up to find Bucky holding it out, one of his own towels hanging over his neck, with the other in his hair. Steve grabbed his towel and made quick work of drying himself.

 

           On their way back to the dorms, Bucky listened as Steve talked about the first time he had ever gone swimming, during a field trip south to one of the last few water parks. He laughed with him as Steve talked about walking around nearly blind without his glasses. It seemed like they reached their doors too soon. Bucky moved towards his door.

 

           “Thanks for the swim, Steve.” Steve smiled at him then turned to his own door.

 

           “Anytime, Buck.” He palmed his door open and walked in, turning back around to close it when he noticed Bucky was still standing in his own door frame.

 

           “Hey, Steve?”

 

           “Yeah, Buck?”

 

           “I was only kidding about the cheating part. Not the other part.” Bucky flashed him a grin and then closed his door, leaving Steve standing stunned.

 

~

 

           The next morning, Steve knocked on Bucky’s door. When the brunet answered with a smile Steve felt the corners of his mouth pull upward in response.

 

           “Morning. Ready for breakfast?”

 

           “Yeah! Thanks.”

 

           They made their way back to the canteen, trading war stories about alleyway fights. Every AsCan’s day was divided into physical and psychological evaluations, so once the group had finished breakfast, everyone broke off to head their separate ways. Bucky had paused on his way out to ask “Lunch?” He only waited long enough for Steve to nod in reply before heading off.

 

           The physical evaluation was tough. Steve felt as if nearly every muscle was tested in a series of aerobic and strength exercises. The 5 mile run was almost a respite. Walking to lunch, he could tell that his muscles would be sore come tomorrow. It seemed like half the group had done the physicals in the morning, and the other half had them set in the afternoon. Sam told Steve that the psych eval would involve, quote, “a bunch of stupid questions to try and decide if you’re an asshole, and if you are, how much.” Which caused Clint to guffaw loudly. Bucky compared his times with Steve’s, crowing at the fact that his laps were faster.

 

           “Guess you weren’t distracted, then.” He quipped and the brunet gaped at him for a second before smirking.

 

           “You’re right. Some old geezer was running my trials.” He winked.

 

           After lunch came the psychological evaluations. And for the most part, Sam was right. The questions ranged from inane to oddly personal. The last psychological evaluation hadn’t felt this intense, but then again, they were trying to make up for any issues the previous crew might have faced, so it made sense. At the end, Steve just felt very exhausted, emotionally and physically. He practically slept his way through dinner, and fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow.

 

           The next day they were all scheduled to go to the board room after breakfast. Everyone was also offered ibuprofen, which Steve accepted. Everyone was buzzing with excitement, waiting to find out who was on their crew. Everyone quieted and stood at attention when Fury strode into the room, followed by Tony Stark and a brown haired woman. Fury barely dismissed them with a nod before beginning.

 

           “Ok, for now, Crew A is to consist of Carol Danvers, T’Challa Bashenga, Natasha Romanoff, Reed Richards, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Wanda Maximoff and Sam Wilson. Therefore, Crew B is Steve Rogers, James Barnes, Timothy Dugan, James Falsworth, Gabriel Jones, Hope Van Dyne, Jim Morita, and Jacques Dernier. Crew A will report directly to me, Crew B will report to Director Carter.”  He motioned to the woman who had followed him in. She struck an imposing figure, her brown hair curled down her shoulders and her lips bright red.

 

           “Hello candidates. I know Fury has already given you the mission briefing, but I will also stress how important it is that you all do your very best. The world is counting on you.” She spoke with a British accent, her gaze traveling across the room to give each of them a piercing look.

 

           “Alright. You will now be working on a rotating schedule between Crew A and Crew B. Please go check. You are encouraged to all spend time together on your down time. But, we do expect that you’ll spend most of your time with members of your own crews. As a note, Carol Danvers is captain of Crew A, and Steve Rogers is captain of Crew B. I expect you both to report your pick for first officer by the end of the week.” Fury nodded at them all. “Dismissed.”

 

           Everyone jumped up and hurried their way back to the dormitories.

 

           As they left, Tony turned to Fury and Carter. “You both know that I’m better than Richards and Van Dyne.”

 

           Fury didn’t even look at him. “And yet you’re benched, Stark. Don’t bother the recruits, and just focus on your work.”

 

           Tony bared his teeth at the other man and stalked out of the room.

 

~

 

           Steve was surprised and pleased to discover how quickly his crew members developed camaraderie. Dernier had been delighted to discover that Gabe also spoke French, and spent a good amount of time having hushed conversations that only they understood. Dugan and Morita had a scuffle early on, when the ginger had made a remark about the other man’s height. Jim had proceeded to fling Dugan over his shoulder in a precise Jiu-Jitsu takedown which had left everyone else in stitches on the floor.

 

           “I may be short, but I am not a dum dum.” He had snorted to the other man. Dugan let out a large belly laugh and offered his hand, saying, “That sure was a neat move, Fresno. You got anymore?” The result was that they were constantly trying to knock the other to the floor by surprise. The nickname stuck, and soon they were all calling him Dum Dum Dugan.

 

           Hope was a very no nonsense sort of person. She was focused, driven, and Steve instantly trusted her to have his back no matter what. She got along well with Monty, who shared her bone dry sense of humor.

 

           And then there was Bucky. Steve couldn’t deny his attraction to the brunet. Honestly who wouldn’t be? But he was more than just a pretty face. He was witty and kind, finding a way to connect with every one of his crew members without coming across as insincere. There was a sort of magnetism to him. He just sort of naturally fell into being Steve’s counterpart. He helped Steve go over the training schedule, inputting his own ideas based on what he knew about each person. Steve found that he was spending most of his time with Bucky, either in training or just when they were relaxing. It was a no brainer to name Bucky his second in command. And when he had announced it to the crew after the first week, they had all rolled their eyes at him and continued with what each of them were doing.

 

           As time went on, they coalesced into easy rapport, working together like a well oiled machine. During the day, Steve was their commanding officer and they were his crew, but at night, they were all just people becoming friends. Jim talked about the hardships his family had faced, being vitners in an increasingly inhospitable climate. Dugan talked about his daughter, his wife, and his early years in strength competition. Gabe relayed his experience as a linguist, traveling to several countries and doing translating work at the embassy in Paris. Monty spoke of his sister and parents, Dernier of his own family in Nice. Hope quietly broke down one day as she explained that her father was Hank Pym, the physicist on the Valkyrie who had taken Tony Stark’s place. They had all rallied around her, giving what comfort they could. And through it all, Bucky wove himself like a thread. Steve may have been in charge, but Bucky was who everyone turned to when they were feeling off. Bucky would tell Steve about some of the things he learned from the others during their after dinner planning.

 

           He also told Steve more about himself. About how he had been forced to move to Indiana when he was in high school. About his sister, Rebecca, who was a doctor and a brat. He talked to Steve of his time in the military, that he had signed up because he felt aimless and came out with a brain for math. Steve found himself opening up about how hard his early years were, how small and sickly he had been. About Erskine and the miraculous medical procedure that had changed Steve’s life. And how his mother had died when he was sixteen, leaving him alone in the world. Steve had never talked to anyone else about his mother. But with Bucky, he told stories about her failed attempt at a beef bourguignon, or the time Steve had drawn all over the living room walls, and Sarah had been horrified then delighted at his talent. Bucky held his hand when Steve told him about her final days in the hospital. How weak she had been, and how it had hurt to see her like that. Bucky told him about his own father’s death, an accident; that had left Bucky with the responsibility of being the man of the family, and looking out for his mother and sister. They bonded over their shared love of books and movies. And pineapple on pizza.

 

           During one of their late nights, Steve had reluctantly pulled out a photograph of him as a teenager; gangly limbs, thick black framed glasses, and hair that perpetually fell in his eyes. He had expected Bucky to laugh, or to make some remark about how different Steve looked. Instead the brunet had smiled down at the picture warmly.

 

           “Still have the same eyes, same nose. Same determined chin. Same air of righteous fury.” He handed the photograph back to Steve and looked him in the eyes. “Same smile.” He was so sincere that Steve felt a realization click into place in the back of his head. _I’m in love with Bucky Barnes_. He had always thought that it took months, even years to truly fall in love with a person. But looking at Bucky, his kind eyes and easy smile, all Steve could feel was suffused with warmth and just the utter rightness of it all. He could feel the heat building as he stared into Bucky’s eyes.

 

           “I…” he started, but he couldn’t figure out what words to say, to convey his feelings. He opened his mouth to start again. But before he could say anything else Bucky had captured his lips in a searing kiss. As their lips met, Steve felt the fire that had been simmering in his blood ever since he had met Bucky come blazing to life. Every bit of tension in his body melted and his hands came up to hold the other man’s head as their mouths moved against each other. He licked at those bright lips and they opened, allowing his tongue to plunge in. Molten hands worked their way under his shirt and skimmed up his back to clutch at his shoulders. Like all great blazes it threatened to engulf Steve, and he felt a strange singing in his veins to just; give himself up to it. Allow it to consume him and burn him away to ash. With a gasp he pulled away.

 

           “We can’t.” Grey eyes met his and Bucky sighed before leaning forward enough so that his forehead met Steve’s and his eyes closed.

 

           “I know.” Came the strangled reply as the hands grasping his back pulled down and away slowly, pulling Steve’s shirt back down and lightly holding his now covered hips.

 

           “I wish…” But Steve wasn’t sure what exactly he was wishing for. That he wasn’t captain of their crew, wasn’t in command? Or that Bucky wasn’t on his crew? No, never.

 

           Steve could feel the movement of Bucky’s face as he pulled a wan smile.

 

           “You don’t though.” Bucky opened his eyes and pulled back, looking at Steve. “You would never abandon this, and I’d never ask you to. And you know I won’t either. But it’s not possible for now.” He tilted his head to the side. ‘For now.’ Steve felt the words sink in.

 

           “After the mission.” He replied with a smile of his own, and was rewarded with a nod.

 

           “After I’m no longer your subordinate.” The future had never been something Steve had particularly cared about. Sure, when he was about to make life decisions he pondered over them carefully, outlining a vague notion in his head of what life he would lead after moving forward on his path. But now Steve could understand what the word anticipation truly meant. For now, he would wall away his emotions and focus on his task, his mission. But after? Nothing truly mattered until after. If anything, it made this mission all the more important. And while that sounded selfish even to his own ears, he found he really didn’t care. He grasped the back of Bucky’s head and pulled the brunet into a short, brutal kiss. Pouring all of his want into it before pulling back sharply. Bucky leaned forward, following his mouth with a small gasp.

 

           “That’s a promise.” Steve breathed.

 

~

 

           After that, it felt almost like his entire purpose had be refined. Before, he had been operating on a vague notion of duty. That he ought to be willing to sacrifice anything because he should have died when he was little, and maybe this extra life could be useful. He was ashamed to admit that he had honestly taken his life for granted. _Was I really just going through the motions?_ It seemed as if everyday had taken on a new aspect, like a grey filter had been removed from his vision. It reminded him, oddly, of a display that he had seen as a child on a visit to Niagara Falls. It had been a video taken at the Falls sometime in the early 2000s and was posted next to the exact same view in real life. Of course back then the water had actually flowed, crashing down into the water below and shooting up mist that could briefly create tiny rainbows. Now the whole thing was just ice, pale and grey as far as the eye could see. Steve thought it oddly poetic that by the success of their mission, the Falls would once again come to life and be as vivid as the picture, while the mission was also providing Steve’s own life with a new technicolor scheme.

 

           Unfortunately, Steve was not adept at keeping this new lease on life close to the chest. Inevitably, every single member of both Crews A and B had let him know how they felt about his change in attitude. It had ranged from a simple nod -Clint- to a knowing smirk and wink- Natasha and Sam, who also collected money from Dum Dum and Monty at the same time. Steve didn’t think he had blushed this much since his attempt at a mohawk in the 11th grade. (That had lasted about 5 days before he had just shaved it all off in a huff of indignation.) Bucky had simply grinned at T’Challa when questioned, before returning to his meal. It also meant that Steve decided B Crew could afford to increase their run time by a half hour. This proclamation was met by an almost musical chorus of groans. Only Hope had refrained, giving Steve a smile and pat on his back before jogging her way down the track. Bucky had started as well, and waited until Steve was right up next to him, then stuck his foot out and tripped him. Steve tumbled to the ground as the crew all ran around him, laughing.

 

           “You jerk!” Steve called, levering himself up and brushing some dirt from his knees.

 

           “Come on, punk, you can catch up!” Bucky called back over his shoulder, and Steve all out sprinted to catch up with him, giving him a shove as he ran past. It knocked a laughing Bucky into Dum Dum, which started an almost domino effect with the rest; leaving only Steve and Hope standing on the track. The pile up turned into a dog pile as everyone started wrestling, and eventually managed to pull Hope and Steve into it. When their tussle had ended, everyone was sprawled out, Bucky leaning heavily on Steve, his arm over Steve’s shoulder. Steve couldn’t remember a time when he was happier.

 

~

 

           Tony Stark was watching B Crew as they ran through a disaster simulation. Everyone reacted calmly and with ease. Although they were all joking, it was still evident that they were taking it seriously. He made a special note of how Steve Rogers reacted. Everything hinged on him keeping a cool head. He met the challenge with flying colors, his orders confident and quick. Tony felt a presence at his side and turned to find Peggy Carter watching the crew as well.

 

           “Captain Rogers seems to be doing well.” Tony remarked to her. Her lips quirked in a small smile as they both watched an interaction between Rogers and Barnes, his second in command. It was probably the worst kept secret on base that they were nuts for each other. Even in their roles in the simulation, the warmth that radiated from them when they interacted was palpable.

 

           “Yes, he’s quite good isn’t he? A shame you’re never around to train him on the specs for Avenger.”

 

           Tony bit back a snippy retort. “Sorry, I’ve been a little busy making every possible improvement to the ship so that this mission is a success. Besides, he’ll get hands-on experience once we send them up.”

 

           She nodded, not taking her eyes off of her crew. “True, Anthony. But, I wonder if you’re just avoiding him because you know it’ll go poorly.”

 

           Tony snorted. After everyone’s psych evaluation, Tony had HOMER run them each against his own to determine a baseline compatibility. He and Rogers had scored below 20%, the lowest scores between anyone in the system.

 

           “Well there is a margin of error, you know, Margaret,” He replied at last.

 

           “Oh, I know.” She smirked again. “In fact, I think you two are very much alike. It’s just the small ways in which you differ that seems to be the most incompatible.” She gave Tony a knowing look. “You should be grateful he’s not on A Crew, seeing as how your little surgery is scheduled for next month.” Tony startled. He hadn’t realized anyone in the compound had known about his surgery. Well, besides T’Challa, since it was his sister who had created the new pacemaker,

 

           “I don’t see why it should be anyone’s concern if I get my pacemaker replaced.” He remarked icily.

 

           But Peggy had only given him an unimpressed look. “Fury may believe that you will listen to him, but I don’t. I know you’ve got some sort of scheme worked out to get yourself on the mission. I’m saying, perhaps you need to step back and really take a look.”

 

           He tensed. Crap, his father had warned him never to try and pull anything over on Peggy Carter. _Well, in for a penny, in for a pound._ “I have, I score better with everyone on A Crew than Richards does. A lot of B Crew too, actually.” She nodded disinterestedly as with a final touch from Morita, B Crew successfully completed their simulation. Only 2 minutes behind A Crew’s time. “HOMER’s never wrong.”

 

           She turned then to face him fully, drawing his eyes to her’s with the intensity of her gaze. “HOMER is a computer, Tony. And computers can always be wrong. You have to do better than percentages if you expect everyone to accept your interference.” She gave him a final, pointed look before walking briskly out of the room to meet B Crew on their way out.

~

 

           They had transitioned to the station attached to the still under construction ship at the end of that week. It had been quite a journey and Steve had clutched Bucky’s hand desperately as the shuttle had rocketed into the sky and through the atmosphere.

 

           The shuttle’s layout was almost identical to the compound, a fact that was not lost on Steve. It had the same gym amenities, the same board rooms and canteen. The only difference were their dorms. This time they were separated into crews and brought to a slightly narrower hallway that was all brushed silver, rather than the white they had grown used to. The dorms themselves were also different. They no longer contained a kitchenette, instead each was outfitted with a desk that had a built in tablet and chair. These were what the quarters on the Avenger were like, exactly. It seemed most logical to have them get used to it before the ship took off. So that there would be no adjustment period necessary. They were also all scheduled a time to learn how to cook with a chef. They would be responsible for their own meals aboard the ship. They would be provided with ingredients but aside from a few prepared meals; like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and some cakes that were set aside for crew member birthdays, they would have to prepare their own. If nothing else, the cooking class was a good comedic break from the overwhelming information each of them were processing every day. It had especially brought tears to nearly everyone’s eyes when Steve had managed to set a pot of water on fire. The poor chef had only thrown up his hands in disbelief as Steve had run around desperately trying to put it out.

 

           The crews were now on completely different schedules, hardly seeing one another at all. Every crew member assisted in construction of the Avenger, getting on their space suits and helping to panel the enormous array of solar panels that would make up their Sun shield. In addition, everyone was become intimately acquainted with their role on the ship. Morita spent several hours a day at the comms panel, helping not just to assemble it, but to understand how it interacted with the rest of the ship. Dernier spent as much time as possible in what would become the oxygen garden, arguing with the construction workers over placements of fans or irrigation systems. He and Wanda were always leaving each other pages of notes, comparing plant types and output levels.

 

           There had also been several nights of crew bonding time. They had defaulted to calling Steve, Cap, and Bucky, Sarge, after a late night of drunkenly revealing their military backgrounds. During that time Steve learned that Monty had a fantastic singing voice, that Gabe could play the trombone, that Hope was also a fantastic dancer, and that Bucky actually cried pretty easily. The last Steve had discovered when they were watching The Lion King, and he had turned to Bucky only to find tears streaming down his cheeks during the stampede scene. Steve couldn’t do anything but simply tilt Bucky’s chin and wipe at his tears with his thumb. Bucky had grabbed Steve’s arm and slung it around his shoulder, shoving himself into Steve’s side. Steve had simply tilted his head so that it rested on top of Bucky and turned his face back to the movie. Feeling warm all over.

 

           Steve spent a full week simply crawling around the air duct system, learning every turn and back bend until he could do it with his eyes closed. He also spent much of his free time working with the crew. The follow up psych evals came and went with no changes to either crew, and everyone began to settle into a routine.

 

~

 

           After 9 months, the ship was very nearly complete, and every member of both crews was fully acquainted with all of its ins and outs as well as the AI, FRIDAY. She was wholly different from HOMER, her voice a lilting imitation of an Irish accent that had set Steve’s teeth to grinding at first, since his own mother had been Irish and certainly didn't sound like that. But he had quickly grown to enjoy the quirks of FRIDAY, who seemed just a little more alive than HOMER did. Also, he made sure that she didn’t call him ‘Steve Rogers’ every time he spoke.

 

           One day, Steve was standing with his hands resting on his hips, nodding along at the holodisplay as Morita was pointing to the most recent tweak of the satellite he had simulated when a single, loud alarm sounded. Both he and Jim straightened up and angled their heads towards the speakers.

 

           “All members of Crews A and B are to report to the briefing room immediately. I repeat, All members of Crews A and B report to the briefing room immediately.” Morita turned to Steve with his eyebrows raised. Steve could only respond with a shrug as he reached out and powered down the display.

   

           “Don’t look at me, I have no idea what this is about.” The other man waved his hand up and down in a dismissive gesture and Steve groaned. “I’m serious. Now get your ass to the briefing room.” That earned him a snappy salute as Morita sauntered his way out the door. Steve followed him out into the hallway, running into Dum Dum and Bucky along the way. Both glanced at him questioningly, and he shrugged again. “I already told Jim, I don’t know what this is about.” At least in this case, Dum Dum and Bucky both took him at his word and fell into step. Bucky looked pensive at his side; while Morita snapped something at Dum Dum which had the older man bark out laughter and throw his head back.

 

            “I hope everyone’s ok.” Bucky looked at Steve out of the corner of his eye, worrying at his lip. Steve sucked in a breath, he hadn’t even considered that the announcement had anything to do with the other trainees.

 

           “Me too.” He breathed, reaching out to quickly squeeze Bucky’s hand gently. The four men arrived at the briefing room at the same time as Natasha and Bruce. Dum Dum made a show of holding open the door to both, bowing his head in a show of deference that was only undercut by the dramatic flourishes.

 

           They entered the room, finding almost all of the other trainees standing or sitting in various groupings around the long table. Sam waved at them and motioned to the seats near him. Steve returned the wave and glanced around, counting each of his crew as he made his way over. Confirming their number he dropped into the seat next to Sam, Bucky sitting on his other side. Sam gave him a quick nod, he was dressed in their standard athletic gear and looked to have a slight sheen to his skin. He had probably been sweating it out in the gym when the alarm sounded. He opened his mouth to ask about Sam’s workout when the briefing room door slammed open, Fury storming into the room; Tony Stark stalking at his heels speaking in heated undertones. Everyone stopped talking and those that were seated stood at attention. Fury merely nodded a dismissal and everyone took their seats around the table. Steve was still counting heads in the room, feeling like he was falling short.

 

           “As you may have noticed, we’re down a crew member.” Fury began. “Captain Danvers has been in an accident.” The set to Fury’s jaw indicated his feelings about this even as several people gasped. Fury held up his palm quickly, forestalling everyone’s questions. “Unfortunately, the doctors have assessed that she will be unable to continue training or to go on the mission. As such, we’ve had to switch up some positions.” He glanced around at the silent group. “As of right now, T’Challa will be stepping up as captain of Crew A, and Captain Rogers will be moved to Crew A as engineer. For the moment Barnes, you’re acting captain of Crew B while we discuss whether or not to bring in any of our secondary alternate trainees. Carol will able to receive visitors starting at 0800 tomorrow, if you want to visit her just ask HOMER to schedule a time. Otherwise everyone return to what you were doing, except Rogers and Bashenga, who should remain here.” Fury looked at everyone critically. “That’s it, dismissed.” Crews A and B stood up and quickly filed out of the room, Bucky pausing briefly to squeeze Steve’s shoulder before making his way out the door.

 

           Steve glanced over at T’Challa, who stared blankly at the table in front of him, eyebrows pinched. Steve didn’t envy him. It would be startling to suddenly have that amount of responsibility thrust upon him. For Steve, it should have felt like the opposite, instead of being responsible for the crew he was now only in charge of ship maintenance. But it didn’t feel like a drop in responsibility. While they were supposed be treating their training as if they were definitely the crew heading out on the mission, B Crew had operated with a lighter attitude and easier purpose. Steve felt as if he was more in the spotlight now. His crew had worked in such synchronicity and now he was thrust into a different group of people. Fury’s voice broke through his contemplation.

 

           “I understand this is less than ideal when we’re 18 days out from launch.” He glanced between them before settling his eye on Steve. “I’m sorry about the demotion, Rogers. If we had a longer amount of time, I’d have made you captain. HOMER and FRIDAY both have praised your leadership. However, given that you’ll now have to adjust to working in a new environment, it was impressed upon us that you’d have enough on your plate establishing your place without the added responsibility. Bashenga’s not only spent the last year training with these people, but he’s also well used to being in charge.” Fury’s eye traveled across their faces before he turned and glanced at the closed door. “As it is, Rogers, you’ll be second in command. We have the utmost faith in both of you contributing to the success of this mission. Rogers, report to your room, you have a new schedule to follow. Bashenga, stay with me a while longer.” T’Challa nodded and Steve left the room as quickly as possible.

 

           He made his way to his quarters and immediately walked to his desk, looking at the schedule on the built in display. Steve was surprised to find that the next day was blocked for “crew bonding”. It seemed like Crew A had been in a string of days off. He couldn’t fathom what had happened to Carol, let alone how she must be feeling. And truthfully he was glad that T’Challa had been promoted; the prince exuded calm and collected from every pore. Steve couldn’t imagine what would have happened had he been placed in charge of Crew A. He hoped that he could find time to at least address Crew B. He went to his bathroom sink and splashed some cool water on his face. His head swiveled as he heard a brief knock followed by his door opening.

 

           Bucky strode in, lines pinched between his eyebrows and his grey eyes serious. “Have you heard anything else about Carol?” Steve shook his head and grabbed a towel to wipe his face.

 

           “No, and I’m not sure if I’ll have time tomorrow to visit her, my schedule’s been blocked out.” He motioned to his schedule. Bucky moved to stand next to him, crossing his left arm across his chest, right bent at the elbow to cradle his chin on his fist.

 

           “I hope she’s able to recover fully. I can’t believe we’re having a change up so soon to launch.” Steve moved in front of Bucky, blocking his scrutiny of Steve’s schedule to place both hands on Bucky’s shoulders.

 

           “It’ll be fine. T’Challa is rock solid and the rest of the crew are going strong. And I know you’re up to the challenge of wrangling our boys.” Steve smiled. “They already listen to you more than me.” Bucky’s head tilted to the side as he quirked his lip.

 

           “I’m not worried about us, punk. At least now you can’t force us on 10 mile runs at 0600 anymore.” He straightened and moved his hands to Steve’s hips, his face serious. “But now it’s a lot more real. You’re going to the Sun. 5 years.” He tugged Steve closer to him and leaned forward so their foreheads met. “We still don’t know what happened to the Valkyrie and now you’re facing the same unknown. And I’m not there to watch your back.” Steve tipped his chin back, nudging Bucky’s nose with his own, capturing the other man’s lips when he tilted his head back.

 

           “No, but you’ll be here making sure there’s a reason I’m coming back.”

 

           “Not your sweetheart back home.” Bucky muttered, glancing their lips together in a teasing sharp kiss. Steve smiled.

 

           “No...but you’ll be my first and last thought every day. Might just bother Barton enough to plan a faster course.” Another kiss. “And once I get back…”

 

           Bucky cut him off by pulling at the front of his shirt, smiling as he faced Steve and walked backwards. Steve allowed himself to be led to the other side of his room, glancing down at his feet to make sure he didn’t step on Bucky’s toes. He collided with Bucky just as the other man had reached the foot of his bed. His hands came up to frame Bucky’s face as he pressed their bodies together. Bucky barely had time to gasp before Steve had captured his mouth in a kiss that was all heat and pent up passion. Bucky’s mouth opened and Steve licked into the heat, pressing as much of himself against Bucky in that moment as possible. The brunet responded with a moan and arched his back, grinding their hips together. Bucky managed to spin them around and shove Steve down onto his bed, pulling off Steve shirt roughly and then bending down to slide Steve’s underwear and shorts down. He threw them over his shoulder and grabbed his own shirt from the bottom, stripping it off quickly and bending to pull at his pants when Steve captured his mouth again in a kiss. Together they worked the last bit of his athletic leggings as well as his underwear off in one fluid movement. Once freed he crawled on top of Steve and straddled him.

 

           Steve had seen Bucky nude before, in the showers and that one time B Crew decided to skinny dip in the massive pool. But this was so obviously different, and Steve didn’t honestly have much experience with men in these situations. Seeing his hesitation Bucky leaned forward and captures his lips in a slower kiss. He slid his hands down Steve’s chest slowly, scratching lightly with his fingernails. Steve gasped at the sensation and he felt Bucky’s smirk. He dragged his lips away. “I’m a little…inexperienced.” He admitted sheepishly, searching Bucky’s eyes. He only saw warmth in return.

 

           "That’s fine. I’m going to enjoy teaching you.” Bucky’s voice was low and sultry, causing  heat to flare on his cheeks and his neck and he knew if he looked the blush would trail down his chest. Bucky bit his lip impishly before bending back down to kiss Steve again, teasing Steve’s tongue with his. “You just have to relax.”

 

~

 

           Tony followed Fury down the corridor as quickly as possible, sliding into his office before Fury could stop him.

 

           “Now might be a good time, Nick.” Upon hearing his name, the other man threw the tablet he was holding onto the desk with a loud THUNK, and fixed Tony with his angriest glare.

 

           “What the hell are you on about, Stark?” He emphasized Tony’s last name sharply.

 

           Tony sucked in a deep breath. “Since you’re currently changing the crew rosters, now’s a good time to shuffle me in and Richards out.”

 

           “Let me get this straight,” Fury started, keeping Tony pinned with his eye. “You expect me to pull out the man who has been training these last eleven months for this mission, who’s in top physical and mental condition, and put you in instead? The man who could not medically clear the physical exam due to his pacemaker, and who has not been training with this crew?” Tony cringed a little, he had actually be out on the Avenger as often as possible, but no he hadn’t spent much time with anyone on the crew besides Bruce Banner. “Not to mention that I have just moved Steve Rogers onto the crew. You know, the man with whom you scored the lowest compatibility out of anyone on both crews?” And well, Fury had him there.

 

           “Within a certain margin of error.”

 

           “Are you aware, Stark, that we’re only having this conversation because the Captain of A Crew had a medical emergency? I seem to recall having to make a similar replacement seven years ago for this exact reason.”

 

           “Ok, but that was seven years ago! I’ve gotten into way better shape, I eat right, I exercise. Quit drinking, never realized quite how much that was holding me back. Plus, I have this handy dandy new pacemaker made by Shuri. You know, T’Challa’s sister, the genius inventor. I do believe we’re already making use of one of her products. Those subdermal comms that are powered by body heat?” At Fury’s blank look, Tony continued, “Whatever, point being, I’m fit to go on this mission and you need to put me on it. You know I’m the better scientist than Richards, I am. Don’t let fear be the reason you reject your best candidate.” He held his arms out entreatingly.

 

           “You never were, never have been, and never will be my best candidate, Stark. You’re volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others. Now get out of my office and continue doing your job.” Tony made to open his mouth when the door to Fury’s office opened, and Peggy Carter slipped in.

 

           “Oh, am I interrupting something?” She asked.

 

           “No, you’re not interrupting anything other than hare-brained schemes. Out, Stark.” Tony felt his hands curl into fists at his side. He stalked out of Fury’s office and back to his quarters. Once there, he flung himself backwards onto his bed, right arm draped over his eyes. He could schedule in a few minutes of wallowing. He heard a chime from his tablet and pulled it to him, holding it up to find a video call from Pepper. He answered immediately.

 

           “What’s going on Tony? I heard something about a roster change?” Pepper looked nervously at Tony, her strawberry blonde hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.

 

           “Hey Pep, nice to see you too. Oh no, I’m doing alright, how’s the weather?”

 

           “Very funny, Tony. What’s going on?” She leaned closer to the camera. Tony could see a few wisps of her hair that had pulled free from her ponytail draped around her face, and the area on her lips where her lipstick had worn away. She was beautiful.

 

           “Accident. Danvers injured herself doing some last minute installation of solar panels. She’s up here, still. Nothing permanently damaged. But she can’t do the mission.” Pepper looked downcast.

 

           “Oh no, poor Carol! She must feel awful about all this.”

 

           Tony nodded. Danvers had fought viciously with Fury about being pulled off the mission. She had only conceded after three different doctors had judged her ineligible. “Yeah, so they pulled Rogers onto A Crew. Promoted T’Challa to captain.”

 

       “That makes sense, everyone likes T’Challa and he’s pretty much unflappable, right?” Tony barely repressed his snort. Oh yeah, T’Challa was the picture of elegance and regalty, unless his fiance was in the room. Tony had never witnessed such dichotomy in human form. Pepper continued, “And I’ve only heard great things about Steve’s work ethic. He’s met every single employee on the station and they all praised his dedication.” Tony wanted to scoff at the idea that Rogers had bothered to track down every single person who worked on the space station and the Avenger; but had to concede the point that Rogers probably had. His attention was brought back to Pepper as she stared at him through the camera. “Are those the only changes, Tony?” He sighed.

 

       “Yeah, that’s it.”

 

           “So you’re still not going?”

 

           “No, Pep, I’m not going.” The huge smile that broke out across her face was blinding.

 

           “Oh thank god, Tony. Please promise me you’re not going to try and get on that spaceship. Please.” Tony closed his eyes, pushing down his fear and frustration.

 

           “I can’t do that Pep. I’m the best pick for this mission, and I’m going to find a way onto it before the launch.”

 

           “Tony…” Pepper started to cry.

 

           “I’m sorry, I have to try. Please understand, Pepper.” She shook her head, tears streaking down her cheeks.

 

           “I don’t, Tony. I don’t understand why it has to be you. Last time you almost died. I can’t go through this again. I can’t wait around with baited breath to find out if you’ve survived.”  She grabbed a tissue and began wiping her face. He blinked back his own tears.

 

           “Then don’t wait around.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to snatch them back; wanted to rewind time and steal those few seconds. But at the same time, he couldn’t. He couldn’t handle this, handle her own fear on top of his own. It would drown him.

 

           “You don’t mean that.” She sniffed, dabbing her eyes.

 

           “I think…I think I do.” He said quietly. “You’re right, it’s not fair of me to ask you to wait around. But I can’t stop trying to get on this mission. So I guess that means… asking you to stop waiting around.” He let his sentence trail away as she stared at him, aghast.

 

           “Anthony Edward Stark you can not possibly be saying this to me. Not now.” He closed his eyes and let his head fall forward, tilting the tablet away from him as he scrubbed at his eyes.

 

           “I am.”

 

           “I’m going to hang up on you. I’m going to hang up on you and when you call me tomorrow, you’re not going to say anything that stupid ever again, ok?”

 

           He looked back up at her sharply.

 

           “Ok?” She repeated. He could only stare at her, at this amazingly strong woman whose heart he was breaking again. She breathed in raggedly. “Goodbye, Tony. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And then the call hung up. Tony curled up on his side, pulling his legs up so that he was as small a ball as possible. And cried.

 

~

 

           Steve settled into a rapport with A Crew. It wasn’t the same as with his crew, which he still of them in his mind as his, but it was there. Sam, who had been a friend to him throughout, was instantly welcoming; bringing Steve around to everyone’s quarters so they could get properly reintroduced. Clint and Natasha attached themselves to him at once. He remembered a few times when he had met Natasha on one of their joint bouts of insomnia. The two of them just sitting and looking down at Earth, trading stories. Clint was the yin to Natasha’s yang. Steve found himself drawn to how caring and thoughtful the other man was; when he wasn’t somehow tripping in zero gravity or spilling any amount of things on himself. Most of which Steve thought were food. T’Challa was patient and calm, he never raised his voice and he would often try to catch Steve during down time to find out how he was adjusting.

 

           Steve found Bruce Banner to be a bit of an enigma. The doctor was soft spoken, but Steve found that if he could get the man talking about one of his fields of expertise, the man could ramble on for over an hour. Still Steve tried to respect the fact that the doctor liked to keep things professional, and asked very few personal questions. Reed Richards and Steve got on in a similar manner. Cordial and professional, but Steve couldn’t really sense any friendliness from the man.

 

           And of course there was Wanda. While Steve and she hadn’t spent much time together, she and Bucky had become quite close. Bucky had even once told Steve that Wanda was so much like Rebecca that it was startling. They had built up an easy friendship as Bucky had helped her in the oxygen garden on his free time. When she saw Steve the first time after he had been promoted, she had given him a knowing grin.

 

           “You look a little different, Steve. Bucky told me about your intimate...conversation the other night.” She smirked at him while he blushed. When he began to stammer an excuse to leave she laughed and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. “You’re so cute. I’m glad you’re with us Steve. I trust you.” She met his eyes seriously. “I hope you can feel the same.” He smiled at her.

 

           “I already do.” He said sincerely. She smiled back at him and then pulled him with her.

 

           “Great, now let me talk to you about these fans for the oxygen garden…”

 

~

 

           Several days later everyone was feeling the looming deadline. Bucky and Steve had barely been able to steal any time together, and everyone was pulling together in a last ditch burst of productivity. Steve had suddenly been inundated with questions about his inventory list; and he had spent half the morning in discussions with T’Challa, Fury, Peggy, and several figures on video screens, the World Security Council, about why he needed a certain tool or the number of rolls of tape. He had been about ready to tear his hair out when he had finally been dismissed. He was beyond happy to return to his quarters, ready to lie down for a quick nap when a knock came at his door. He sighed and stood up, ready to tell Fury to tell the Council to go to hell, when he pulled the door open to face Bruce Banner.

 

           “Hi Bruce, what’s up?”

 

           “Hi Steve, sorry. I can’t find T’Challa anywhere and I have questions.” Bruce twisted his hands worriedly.

 

           “No problem, Bruce. What can I help you with?” Steve reached out to grasp the man’s shoulder and give him a few encouraging pats as he walked out of his door and started down the hallway.

 

           “I just got this from FRIDAY, she’s says it’s the latest update for the infirmary but there’s several-” He cut off and looked up. “Oh, T’Challa! I’ve got this update from FRIDAY that I’m not sure about.” T’Challa looked about as exhausted as Steve felt but he nodded serenely.

 

           “Ok, why don’t Steve and I both help you?” Bruce looked between them and his shoulders relaxed.

 

           “Yes, I think that’s a good idea.” He lead them into the infirmary and handed T’Challa his tablet.  

 

           “This is the current list, and here’s the most recent list, from yesterday.” He pulled out another tablet and held it up next to the one T’Challa was holding. Steve moved next to T’Challa, and grabbed the pad from Bruce’s hand, comparing the lists. There were several different medications that had been added to Bruce’s inventory, but what they did Steve had no clue. The only one he recognized was lorezapam.

 

           “I’m still not sure why the inventory has an update the day before launch when the supply list hasn’t been updated for months. Also, these additions just don’t seem to be in response to any of the scenarios I’ve run through…” A klaxon interrupted Bruce in mid sentence, and both Steve and T’Challa glanced up from the lists.

 

           “All members of Crews A and B are to report to the briefing room immediately. I repeat, All members of Crews A and B report to the briefing room immediately.” _Not again!_ Steve could feel the tension spark up his body and tighten his shoulders. Even T’Challa looked alarmed, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised high. Bruce looked a mixture of astonished and frustrated.

 

           “What could possibly have happened now?” He sighed as they deposited the tablets in the supply room, and rushed down the hallway; waiting tense seconds in the elevator. All three walked briskly towards the briefing room, where they encountered a distraught looking Natasha.

 

           “What is it Nat?” Steve questioned her as she raised her head, worrying her lip. She opened her mouth to give him an answer.

 

           “Everyone, in the briefing room, now!” Came Fury’s dominating voice from behind them, startling them all. The man looked weary as he fixed his good eye on each of their faces in turn. “Now.” He reiterated, his stare turning icy. They all quietly filed into the room, being the last to arrive.

 

           Fury stomped towards the front of the room and began without preamble. “Barton’s leg is broken.” Steve shared a shocked look with T’Challa and noticed Nat glancing down into her lap, wringing her hands. “As a result, we’re now down a navigator the day before launch. Barnes, you’re promoted to A Crew and for the love of god, do not get it into your head to practice any fun acrobatics. We’re less than 24 hours from launch and if I have to announce a crew change one more time I’ll eat my tablet. This is not a time to be fooling around. You all are the best we’ve got, and you’re going to succeed in this mission if it’s the last thing you do. Barnes; you, Rogers, and Bashenga stay here, everyone else, dismissed! Don’t make me put each of you in a bubble until launch tomorrow.” Both crews stood and filed out silently, Nat barely looking up at anyone as she disappeared down the corridor as soon as she was out the door. Bucky made his way to their side of the long table. He glanced pensively at Steve, before nodding at T’Challa and standing on Steve’s left.

 

           When it was just the four of them in the room, Fury turned a scrutinizing eye towards Bucky and Steve.

 

           “I can assure you, I am not pleased at all with this situation and I understand that it’s less than ideal for this to occur. But I trust your skills, Barnes, and I know you’ll do fine.” He glanced between Steve and Bucky again. “Now, this is not a concern of mine, but I know that it’ll be brought up by several members of the Council unless I speak to the both of you now. While personal relationships between crew members are not prohibited, you can understand why some people might feel a conflict of interest could arise if there happens to be an emergency.” Fury had the decency to look a little put out as he spoke the words aloud. Steve felt his ire rise at the implication but Bucky spoke up.

 

           “We understand why there would be concern, Commander. But you can assure the Council that Steve and my priorities are to the mission first, crew second, and our relationship third. If you need that verified I’m sure any member of B Crew would be able to back us up.”

 

           “I am also not concerned with either Barnes or Rogers’s focus for this mission.” T’Challa added.

 

           Fury glanced between them for a long second before nodding. “Alright Barnes, head to the medbay and get your implant, then get your effects in order. And make sure your legal things are all in order. Dismissed.”

 

           As they filed out the door, Steve noticed that there was a faint tremble in Bucky’s hands. He reached out and grasped Bucky’s right hand, entwining their fingers. Bucky glanced down at their hands before looking back up and meeting Steve’s eyes. Steve tried to give his best reassuring smile; but he knew by the responding smile that he hadn’t be able to hide his nerves. It was stupid, really. Steve hadn’t had any fears about the mission prior to this, but suddenly Bucky was a part of it, and now his mind couldn’t help but broil with anxieties. _What happened to the Valkyrie? Why didn’t they send a distress signal? What if something goes catastrophically wrong and the ship is dead in space?_  

 

           “Don’t worry, Barnes, I’ve seen your calculations and the way you work with FRIDAY. Nothing will change at all about tomorrow’s launch. I trust you completely.” T’Challa’s voice was smooth and reassuring as he grasped Bucky’s left shoulder before pressing the button for the elevator. “Come on Rogers, we still need to finish inventory with Bruce.” Steve nodded absently at T’Challa. He pulled Bucky’s hand up, brushing a kiss along his knuckles.

 

           “I’ll come find you after we’re finished with Bruce.” He lowered their clasped hands and then slowly let go, following T’Challa into the elevator doors as they opened. Bucky gave a little wave before the doors slid shut and the elevator car raced upwards.

 

           “Nothing about the mission changes.” T’Challa said after a moment. “And not a single one of us is going to have any problems with your relationship.” A grin pulled at his lips. “You know, technically the captain of the ship has the ability to perform marriage ceremonies, and I hear Natasha’s quite the party planner…” Steve involuntarily swallowed and sucked in a deep breath at the same time. He felt his face heat up as he coughed desperately. T’Challa smacked his back roughly several times, laughing lightly. “I was joking.” Steve nodded weakly as his cough slowly faded away. “Not about my ability to perform marriages, though.” Steve glanced sharply at the other man, who smiled enigmatically and stepped out of the open elevator door. Steve wasn’t sure how to respond.

 

           After helping Bruce out with the inventory, Steve made his way back to the quarters. He was still a little confused at the supplies that had suddenly appeared on the list, but he knew that the ground crew were still working every minute to plan for contingency after contingency.

 

           He walked down the hall, pace quickening as he noticed that Bucky’s door was ajar. Stepping in, he found him glaring between two picture frames. Steve walked easily up behind him, curling his arms around Bucky’s waist and looking over his shoulder. He knew these photographs well, having seen them proudly displayed on Bucky’s desk. The first was the older, more formal family portrait of the Barnes. The women in nice dresses seated in a row and Bucky and his father standing behind in shirts and ties. The second had been taken later on, at the surprise anniversary party for Bucky’s parents. It was a candid shot of George and Winifred pulling their children into a tight group hug, all of them smiling broadly. Steve grabbed them both and placed them carefully into Bucky’s personal bin. He stared as Bucky’s trembling fingers curled around a book. Steve reached down and grabbed the book from Bucky’s hand. Setting the book aside, Steve pulled Bucky’s hand up to his lips, kissing Bucky’s palm.

 

           “Everything’s fine, Buck. We all trained hard for this mission.” Steve wasn’t used to seeing this side of Bucky. The other man liked to hide everything behind a smile or a quick joke, but Steve knew that deep down Bucky had a lot of self doubt.

 

           “You have, I’m just the alternate. Clint knew everything backwards, forwards, upside-down.” Bucky looked at Steve, his eyes wide. “I’m blanking on the numbers to get us from Earth to Mercury. I’m going to get everyone killed.” Bucky sucked in a deep breath and gasped. Steve quickly grabbed Bucky’s head, placing one hand on either side of his face.

 

           “Hey, hey, look at me. Breathe with me.” He grabbed Bucky’s left hand and held it to his chest, palm over Steve’s heart. He breathed in, counting the seconds. Waited, and exhaled slowly. He continued this until Bucky’s breathing had leveled off. “You, James Buchanan Barnes, are prepared and smart as hell. You were picked to be on this mission because you are the best man for this job. You passed every single simulation and you’ve been acting captain of B Crew for the last several days. I trust you with my life, with everything.” He stared at Bucky’s face until the brunet met his eyes. “I love you.” He enunciated clearly, keeping his gaze locked with Bucky’s.

 

           He watched as grey eyes blinked at him a few times. Then Bucky drew in a deep breath and exhaled a sigh. “You’re right. Everyone on this mission is best of the best. And now I can watch your back. Thank you.” He smiled shakily at Steve. “I love you too.” He leaned forward and Steve met him in the middle for a quick kiss. That turned into two, and then into several that became deeper. Finally, Bucky pulled back, breaking the kiss, his lips red and cheeks flushed.

 

           “Now help me finish packing. I have to be ready by tomorrow morning.”

 

           Steve laughed. “Sure, Buck.”

 

~

 

           Tony sat at his desk, frowning, as he ran his fingers through his hair. It seemed like they were plagued by bouts of bad luck. He had visited Clint in the station infirmary, finding the man subdued from his normal laid back attitude. Tony hoped that getting back to Earth and seeing his family would perk the man up.

 

           Still, Tony had a plan to follow. He already had FRIDAY alter the crew cabins and infirmary inventory, making sure that his prescriptions were fully stocked on board the Avenger. He had also slipped in an order for the kitchen to get lamb stocked. Now all that was left was to change the roster. He would have preferred to not go behind Fury’s back, but the man had been avoiding Tony ever since their last discussion. It seemed like whenever Tony had entered a room, he had either caught the coattails of Fury’s leather trenchcoat swiftly exiting; or the man would give him a single look and then bring his hand to his earpiece, speaking loudly to whoever he was on call with. In any case, Fury had made sure he was out of Tony’s reach. Which had left Tony little choice, really.

 

           His display lit up with a call from Pepper, and his finger hovered over the answer button for several long moments before ultimately ignoring the call. They hadn’t spoken since her tearful hang up. Tony hated it, hated how it ate him up inside, hated how much he missed her. But he had to do this, and he couldn’t put her in the position to wait for him and potentially be hurt again. When he got back to Earth, he would go to her and apologize. Maybe she’d take him back, Tony hoped fervently that she’d take him back, but he wouldn’t show anger if she had moved on and found someone who really deserved her. Tony needed her, but he knew he didn’t deserve her.

 

           “FRIDAY,”

 

           “Yes Tony?”

 

           “Roster change for Avenger. Replacing Reed Richards with Anthony Stark. Please send new orders to Reed Richards advising him of roster change and to pack his bags to depart for Earth with the last shuttle tonight.”

 

           “Copy. New orders will be sent to Reed Richards. Anything else?”

 

           “Yeah, FRIDAY, how can we distract Fury tonight?”

 

           “Commander Fury becomes quite upset when his meetings are rescheduled or delayed.”

 

           “Perfect, time to play with his schedule. Ooh, let’s give him the wrong time for his next call with the Council.”

 

           “Copy. Changing schedule for Nicholas Fury.” Tony smirked, now two could play the game of cat and mouse.

 

~

 

           Steve had helped Bucky finish up his packing with enough time to grab one last meal at the station canteen.  As they headed down, they were accosted by B Crew.

 

           “Think you’re better than the rest of us, huh? Getting yourself promoted to A Crew?” Dum Dum teased as he came up and pulled Bucky into a tight hug.

 

           “Yeah, Sarge, you too good for us now?” Echoed Morita, turning the hug into a group hug; the rest of the men dogpiling on muttering mutual sentiments.

 

           Steve laughed loudly. “Whoa guys! Don’t crush my navigator!” He reached in to push Dernier off the edge of the pile, but arms grabbed both his shoulders and pulled him into the center, squishing him against Bucky’s side.

 

           “Oh no you don’t! You just couldn’t bear to be parted from your boyfriend.” Gabe crowed in his ear, causing Steve to grin sheepishly and glance at Bucky.

 

           “You got me! Just couldn’t leave my best guy behind.” A chorus of laughs sounded around them as Bucky smiled at him, and leaned forward for a quick peck. It drew another bout of cackles until Hope smirked and said,

   

           “You’ll definitely be part of the highest mile high club.” Steve’s face flushed and Bucky barked out a laugh before replying.

 

           “That’s the main goal. Our names in the Guiness Book!” Steve blushed harder as everyone snorted. They lingered in the group hug for a moment, Steve could feel everyone shuffle around them so that each had a turn to pull Bucky or him into a tighter hug. Finally, the hug separated.

 

           “You boys are going to make it to that Sun, blow the motherfucker up, and make it back here to free drinks for the rest of your lives.” Monty said as he smacked Steve and Bucky on the shoulders. The mood shifted and they all heard Dum Dum sniffling.

 

           “You both are the best guys I know. Cap’s gonna keep everybody on their toes and Sarge’ll be up to mothering all them in no time.” The ginger haired man wiped at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand, and Bucky pulled him back into a hug.

 

           They spent the next hour saying their goodbyes, getting some last minute ribbing and promises from the crew to visit Bucky’s sister and mother while he was away. But soon it was time for Steve and Bucky to leave and prepare for the launch. Most of B Crew was sticking around on the station until the launch in the morning, but Hope was heading back on that night’s shuttle.

 

           Just as Steve was beginning to fall asleep he felt Bucky shuffle around. He opened his eyes and found that Bucky had turned to face him.

 

           “What is it, Buck?” The brunet smiled at him.

 

           “Just glad to be here, with you.” Steve leaned forward to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips.

 

           “From here ‘til the end of the line, right?” He replied.

 

           “Yeah, from here ‘til the end of the line.”

 

~

 

           In the morning, all crew members of the Avenger had to load their luggage onto the shuttle before reporting to the short launch ceremony the Council had demanded. Steve had dressed in his nicest shirt, a long sleeved deep blue shirt and the black skintight flight pants with a logo down the side. Bucky had opted for his favorite grey logo sweater with a cowl neck over the same flight pants. All of their clothing had NASA labeling, as it had been made specifically for the crew. All shirts and pants were soft and breathable, they also had built in vitals monitors that directly fed into FRIDAY’s system. Steve had to admit they were the most comfortable pieces of clothing he had ever worn.

 

           After dropping off their stuff, Bucky and Steve had been making their way leisurely to where the ceremony was being recorded when they both heard the distinctive sound of Fury shouting. Shooting each other a startled glance, they both took off at a fast jog and reached the door to the room at the same time as Sam, who had been rushing from the opposite direction.

 

           “What’s going on? What’s got Fury blowing a gasket?” He whispered to them.

 

           “No idea, we only just got here.” Steve replied in a hushed tone as he stepped into the room, Sam and Bucky in his wake.

 

           Inside the room Nick Fury was shouting loudly at Tony Stark, while Natasha, Peggy, Bruce, and T’Challa all stood off to the side. The three late-comers sidled their way towards the onlookers. When Steve got close enough he leaned toward Peggy.

 

           “What’s going on?”

 

           She pursed her lips. “Somehow, the crew roster was changed yesterday and Reed Richards departed on last night’s shuttle. Strangely enough, Hope Van Dyne was also on that shuttle. Leaving the only available physicist to go on the mission...Tony Stark.” Steve gaped at her. She raised her eyebrow at him. “Apparently Fury’s scheduled mysteriously got shuffled so he only found out about it this morning.” Sam gave a low whistle at her explanation.

 

           “That’s ballsy.” Bucky was watching the two men argue, both of their gesticulations staccato and wide. But Steve could see the glint in Peggy’s eyes.

 

           “Did you know about this, Peg?” He questioned. She smiled at him enigmatically.

 

           “Tony has always believed he was the best choice for the mission. But I didn’t suspect this level of interference.”

 

           “Unfortunately, Nick, it looks like you’re out of time!” Tony shouted, pointing behind them at the digital clock displayed on the wall. “It’s time for the ceremony and launch, unless you want to delay those.”

 

           At that moment, Wanda snuck into the room, planting herself firmly at Bucky’s side. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder comfortingly as they all looked to Fury. The Commander inhaled deeply, glaring at Tony the entire time. His eye flicked to the side, noting the crew as well as the few camera operators and assistance all spectating silently. He heaved a deep sigh.

 

           “Looks like there’s been a change of roster. Crew, get up there and stand on your marks, I don’t want to hear a single word from you. Just stand there and smile.” He jerked his chin towards the podium. Everyone dutifully filed into a line, standing grouped into fours behind either side of the podium. Fury stalked up to stand at the podium and everyone shuffled slightly so that they appeared to flank Fury’s shoulders. After they had all stopped moving, an assistant came around and briefly touched up everyone’s hair and clothing. No one touched up Fury. After that, the rest of B Crew as well as a large group of employees filed in to sit in the rows of chairs in front of the podium. Finally, a nod came from the operator behind the camera at the back of the room, and the light above it turned green. Fury waited a moment, then cleared his throat.

 

           “My name is Nicholas Fury, behind me stand the crew of the Avenger. T’Challa Bashenga, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, James Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, and...Tony Stark. These brave men and women will set out today on the most important mission humanity has ever faced. They will spend over two years flying a ship strapped to the largest nuclear bomb in existence. Which they will use to set off an explosion that will reignite our Sun and restore it to its former glory. Everyone you see behind me has trained hard and long for this assignment, and I have absolutely no doubt that they will succeed in their mission. Please join me in giving them a warm send off.” He turned from side to side, looking at each crew member in the eye, before beginning to applaud. Peggy joined him, and then the rest of the people in the room rose and gave them a standing ovation. Steve desperately wished he could hold Bucky’s hand, but the navigator was on the other side of Fury. As the applause died down Fury seemed to hesitate for a moment.

 

           “You all are humanity’s last hope. Remember that. Now, get to your stations. Take off is in half an hour. Crew, dismissed.”

 

           They moved as one, turning to follow T’Challa out the room and to the Avenger. None of them spoke, remaining in formation until they had actually boarded the ship. As soon as the airlock had closed, T’Challa rounded on them.

          

           “I understand that this last minute roster change comes as a shock. But I want to tell you all that I am confident in your abilities as individuals, and that we are the strongest team possible. I trust that each of you will act with the utmost professionalism and represent the best that humanity has to offer. Now, everyone to their stations. We have a ship to launch.” Silently they all made their way throughout the ship. Steve walked into the maintenance room, his seat ready and displays already running through their final diagnostics. A hand reached out to grab his and he spun around to find Bucky at the door, pulling him in close for a kiss.

 

           “Just for luck.” His grey eyes twinkled as he winked before continuing on his way to the flight deck. Steve took his set and stuck in his ear piece.

 

           “Rogers, ready for launch.”

 

~

 

           Tony finished his eighth check of the payload before walking briskly to the flight deck. His earpiece was filled with last minute checks from every crew member. His felt like his heart was racing. He had honestly expected Fury to lay him out, had watched the man clench his fist so tightly it shook with rage. The only person who had even shown a hint of happiness at his trick was Peggy Carter. Or at least, he thought she had. It was hard to tell when her smiles were because she liked you, or because she was picturing murdering you in your sleep. He heard a short beep from his tablet and looked down. _1 new message from Virginia Potts_. He stopped walking and stared down for several seconds before tapping the envelope with his finger.

 

           _Stay safe, Tony._ He felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes and he had to take several deep inhales. He was doing this for her, for everyone. His only goal was to keep everyone on Earth safe. Screw anyone who tried to get in his way. He tucked his tablet under his arm and walked onto the flight deck. Everyone else were already at their stations and they all quieted at his entrance, everyone stopping to glance at him aside from Bruce. He stuck his chin out and stood as tall as he could, daring them to challenge him.

 

           But no one did. After a moment, Sam turned back to his comms station, muttering something into his headset which had Barnes turning around to look over his own station. Wanda met his eyes and gave a small nod before turning to the display in front of her face. Only Natasha continued to hold him with her gaze, her face cold and impassive.

 

           “Natasha, please confirm thrusters.” T’Challa said, striding to stand close to her and Natasha turned at once to her station, barely glancing down before saying,

 

           “Thrusters on standby. Avenger is ready to launch at your command.”

 

           T’Challa continue walking, glancing at Tony and indicating the last empty station with a slight tilt of his head. Tony nodded and made his way over to the chair, glancing down at his console and his readouts.

 

           “Crew are ready, Avenger is ready. Space Station Command, what is your status?”

 

           “Command is ready. Avenger you are a go to launch.” Tony swallowed. This was it, his last moment this close to Earth for the next five years. He glanced out the window down at the planet, it’s white swirling clouds and blue oceans. _Goodbye home._

 

           “FRIDAY, begin countdown, Natasha, engage thrusters.”

 

           “Countdown beginning. Five, four, three, two, one, launch.” Recited the AI, and then they were off, the planet shrinking away from Tony’s view.

 

~

 

           Traveling through space was both incredibly unique and also boringly mundane. Each day that Steve was able to look out and see the stars seemed like a marvel, but then he had to do his chores and that seemed, _less_ marvelous. Especially on the days when it was his turn to cook. Despite the classes they had taken, Steve still managed to mess up the simplest meals. Wanda and Sam were clearly the best cooks of the bunch, but their attempts to offer Steve advice had only resulted in disaster. His other chores he attacked with aplomb, and he followed his maintenance schedule religiously. Which lead to some of the crew joking that they didn’t even need to check the time, just check on where Steve was. He bore the jokes good naturedly and once, during lunch, had coo-cooed when it reached noon. He had the delight of watching Bucky snort milk out his nose and onto Sam in response. Nat had given him a high five after Sam had stormed off to change his shirt.

 

           Bruce still remained shy, although he and Tony could often be found with their heads together deep in discussion. Bucky had jumped into a few of those discussion, but even when he tried to explain it to Steve, it still felt like they were speaking a different language.

 

           No one had said anything when, after a week, Bucky had simply moved his stuff into Steve’s room. At first they had been careful to keep any displays of affection confined to times when it was just the two of them. But after a month of careful distances and quick glances, Natasha had simply grabbed Steve up from his seat, dragged him over to where Bucky was lounging on the couch, and shoved him onto Bucky’s lap.

 

           “We don’t care how cuddly you act as long as you don’t have sex on any surfaces in the common room. Now stay on Barnes’s lap and stop looking like a sad puppy.” She commanded, her hands on her hips, glaring down at them. Steve had glanced briefly over to where Wanda and Tony were sitting, but Wanda just gave him a small wave and Tony had shrugged and returned to reading his tablet. Bucky shrugged and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, hugging him close. Steve placed his arms over Bucky’s and leaned back, tilting his head so that he rested against the other man’s.

 

           Sam had wandered in a few minutes later, taken one look at them and exclaimed “Finally!” before cajoling Wanda into a game of Rummy.

 

           Christmas came and went, the crew celebrating with a group photo in Santa hats, Wanda and Bucky also holding up a menorah. Peggy sent them a message conveying that the photo had been shared around social media with tremendous support. Through her, Steve and Bucky kept in contact with B Crew, sending messages once a week to update them on their space adventures. Bucky had also pulled Steve into the messages he would send his family. He almost instantly regretted it when Becca began including embarrassing photos of Bucky in all her communications.

 

           All in all, Steve found he really couldn’t complain about the first year of travel. Sure, tempers sometimes flared, and Steve realized Tony had a stubborn streak almost as bad as his own. But they slowly transformed into a family, becoming well acquainted with each other’s idiosyncrasies and hang ups, sharing in joys and pain.

 

           And every night Steve got to sleep with Bucky. Like the last missing puzzle piece of Steve’s life, Bucky Barnes had slotted in with no trouble at all, just pure warmth. Steve had never felt so content.

 

~

 

           “Dammit, someone who’s so bad at lying should not have that good a poker face!” Sam exclaimed, slamming his hand on the table as Steve revealed another flush. Steve simply grinned back at him.

 

           “Maybe you only _think_ I’m bad at lying.”

 

           “Man shut up, I watched you try to lie to Nat about eating that blueberry bar. Your face turned the color of a tomato when she called you out on it.”

 

           “That’s because it was Nat-”

 

           Suddenly the ship rocked sideways, sending both men tumbling, the table overturning and cards and chips scattering. Steve rolled into a chair, smacking his elbow on the edge of the table. He heard the thunk of Sam hitting the wall. Pulling at the seat of the chair, Steve hoisted himself up and reached out a hand to Sam.

 

           “FRIDAY? Status report!” He shouted as he and Sam moved to right the table.

 

           “An unknown object has struck the port side of the ship. Assessing damage now.”

 

           “Why wasn’t there a proximity alert? How did we get hit?” Sam groused as he touched his hand gingerly to the side of his head.

 

           "The object was not large enough to set off the alert. Mr. Stark programmed me to scan for all objects greater than 1 meter in size.” Sam and Steve glanced at each other.

 

           “Why the hell wouldn’t he just program it to sense anything smaller?” Steve questioned the AI.

 

           “I believe that the sensors reacted to the intermittent waste released by the ship. As it was calculated there was less than a 1% chance of encountering an object smaller than 10 meters size, it was deemed an improbable obstacle.”

 

           “Goddamnit Stark.” Steve bent over to pick up their scattered card game. Sam huffed out an agreement.

 

           “All crew, report immediately to Sun room. I repeat, all crew report immediately to Sun room.” The AI commanded, punctuating the sentence with an alarm. Sam and Steve glanced at one another before both men dropped what was in their hands and took off.

 

           Steve skidded to a halt at the Sun room door just as T’Challa and Nat arrived, Sam only a few steps behind. Wanda and Tony barely a minute behind them. T’Challa palmed the pad for the door but it didn’t budge.

 

           “FRIDAY, what’s going on?” The captain spoke calmly.

 

           “The object’s impact has damaged the Sun room’s filters and appears to have caused the door to malfunction. Crew members James Barnes and Bruce Banner are currently in the Sun room experiencing 9% full Sunlight.” Everyone gasped.

 

           “What?”

 

           “Holy shit!”

 

           “Fuck!”

 

           “Bucky?” Steve shouted and bashed the access pad for the door, slamming his hand repeatedly as the door refused to budge. “Bucky?!”

   

           Tony also slammed his hand against the door. “Bruce? Bruce can you hear me? Fuck, FRIDAY get this damned door open!”

 

           “The malfunction appears to be mechanical in nature.”

 

           “Reboot the goddamn system!”

 

           “System reboot has already been performed, I am afraid that I cannot open the doors.”

 

           “Forget the doors then, Shut the filter! They can’t be exposed for more than 20 minutes or they’ll fry!”

 

           ‘I have closed the filter as much as possible, when the Avenger was first struck the filter opened to 12% fullness.” Steve turned his head to stare wide eyed at T’Challa.

 

           “We have to do something!” He shouted, pulling back to slam his shoulder into the door. Tony had begun to tug at the door panel, attempting to reveal its inner workings.

 

           “Stop!” T’Challa commanded. Steve slammed his shoulder once more into the door. “I said stop, Steve.”

 

           “I can’t! Bucky’s trapped in there, Bruce too! We have to get them out!” He glared at T’Challa.

 

           “I know, but attacking the door won’t do anything. You and Tony find a way to access that room internally. There has to be an air duct. I will go and deal with the outside damage. Nat, get to the controls and determine whether or not there are any more objects that might hit us.” He glanced around the assembled group. “Sam will stay here to assist medically as soon as we get that door open. Wanda, come with me and help me get suited up. Every, go!” Everyone scrambled as soon as he finished. Nat took off at a dash towards the flight deck and Sam spun around and sprinted in the direction of the infirmary. T’Challa stalked off with purpose towards the airlock, Wanda following solemnly in his wake.

 

           Steve closed his eyes as he ran through the blueprint of the Avenger in his head. The air ducts main intake was from the oxygen garden and had intermittent access hatches. The closest of which was-

 

           “The kitchen!” Steve and Tony shouted at the same time. Steve barely spared a glance at Tony before pelting off towards the kitchen. His feet scrambled on the floor as he ran, as he banked around a corner he skidded and slammed off the wall of the hallway before continuing his dash. As soon as he was through the doorway he threw himself to the ground and reached for the release to the hatch.

   

           “Wait! Wait, Steve! Wait dammit!” Tony called from behind him as he began to crawl on his knees into the hatch.

 

           He paused. “What is it Tony?” Every atom in his body was coiled and ready to spring.

 

           “Wrench! Tools! You gonna just beat the door down from the inside with your fists?” Steve reached blindly behind him and felt the handle of the toolkit meet his palm. He grabbed it and pulled, beginning his crawl again. “I’ll just be back here, you know, looking through schematics and using my brain…” the tone of Tony’s voice belied his nerves.

 

           Steve crawled as fast as he could, hooking the toolkit handle around his ankle to make maneuvering easier while Tony’s voice chattered in his ear.

 

           “Ok only a few more meters and then you’re taking the right turn. I still can’t hail either of them and I’m pretty sure we’ll need to replace the kitchen scanner.” Steve barely breathed back and affirmative as he came to the turn. He shouldn’t have needed Tony’s directions, he had these air ducts mapped well enough to do it in his sleep, but it made him feel better to have Tony’s voice confirming his path.

 

           “It’s ok Tony, I just need you to focus.” He hoped his tone sounded more reassuring than he felt.

 

           T’Challa’s voice came through his earpiece, “Whatever it was that hit us, it’s gone. I’m guessing maybe trash? But it fried a lot of what we have. I’m going to need to replace wiring, Wanda can you get out the secondary toolkit?”

 

           “On it.”

 

           “Wilson here, I’ve got everything set up to treat for extreme Sun exposure. I’m outside the Sun room door.”

 

           “Steve, next hatch is the one you want.” Steve closed his eyes and breathed deeply before  opening them again and kicking out with his right leg, sending the hatch flying outward. He flung himself out of the duct with a controlled tumble and immediately put his back to the Sun window. The light was so bright that he could barely keep his eyes open. He shielded them with his hand as best as he could and searched around. His eyes caught on a figure crumpled against the panel wall, as well as the figure next to it, against the door. He rushed over to the first figure. It was Bucky, his face covered by his arm, which was already red and blistered. Steve gingerly felt for a pulse and gulped when he felt the steady thrum under his fingers. He rolled Bucky as carefully as he could, so that the least amount of skin was exposed, before rushing over to do the same to Bruce. After confirming Bruce’s heartbeat, Steve wrenched open the compartment next to the door and began working his way through  the emergency release.

 

           “Vitals are good for Banner and Barnes. Working on releasing the door now.” Steve bit out as his exposed flesh began to sting.

 

           “Confirmed. Replacing wiring now. Tony, please go to FRIDAY’s main station and work on a better proximity alert. I don’t want us surprised by any more trash.”

 

           “Already on it, Captain.” Steve smashed the last of the releases and threw his weight into pulling the door open. Without stopping he ran over to Bucky, picking him up gingerly and walking him to Sam who waited at the door. After making sure Sam had a secure hold, Steve doubled back and threw Bruce’s arm over his shoulder, dragging the other man out into the hallway before turning and throwing the door shut.

 

           Sam shone a small flashlight into Bucky’s eyes before carefully feeling around his head. Grimacing, he moved away and did the same for Bruce.

 

           “I think they were probably on their way to the door when the object hit. They’ve both got some head trauma and severe burns. We need to get fluids into them.” He bent down and pulled Bruce upright, making his way to the infirmary. Steve followed, supporting Bucky carefully. Each man was laid down on an operating table and Sam began prepping them for IVs. Steve moved to help him but was forced into sitting on a stool against the wall by the other man.

 

           “No way, Steve. You’ve had a lot of exposure too. I need you to sit and drink this.” He pushed an electrolyte pouch into Steve’s hands. The blond was surprised to note that his hands were bloody, the backs red, and the skin around his finger nails cracked. He barely felt it. Tearing the top off the pouch, he gulped down the vaguely citrus flavored liquid and watched Sam hook up Bruce, then Bucky to their IVs. Steve could feel his heartbeat slowing down and he leaned back against the wall, feeling like the gravity had pinned him to the stool. He tilted his head back, enjoying the cool temperature from the metal. Something equally as cool was placed on his forehead and he glanced up to see kind brown eyes searching his face. Wanda smiled when their eyes met then continued her ministrations, applying something soothing to his nose and cheeks.

 

           “Thanks.” He huffed out.

 

           “What you did was really amazing Steve. You saved their lives.” She replied, smoothing the aloe gel over his forehead and down his nose. Both turned their eyes to the center of the room, where Sam and Natasha were applying cool compresses to their unconscious crew members.

 

           “I did what any one of us would have done.” His eyes didn’t stray from Bucky’s prone form.

 

           “Ship’s repaired and Tony is currently finishing up working on the door.” T’Challa’s calm voice broke through the fog that seemed to collected around Steve’s brain. He glanced at their captain. T’Challa met his eyes and nodded. “Great job everyone. Without everyone’s hard work, we might have lost two crew members. But instead you all rallied and went above and beyond. We are still on track and everyone is alive.”

 

           “Steve, you ought to get some sleep, I think once Bruce and Barnes are hydrated they’ll come around. You all are on rest for the time being.” Sam gave Steve a hard look. “I mean it, Steve. You’ve had a lot of exposure not just to the light but also to whatever radiation made it through. I need to know if you start feeling nauseated or feverish.”

 

           “Until we can get Bruce back on his feet, Sam is the final word on your health. So you’re to follow his orders.” T’Challa’s eyes roved across the room, meeting those of each of his crew members. “FRIDAY, please update the chore schedule to account for Rogers, Barnes, and Banner being on bedrest.”

 

           Steve wanted to object, but he was so tired that he simply gave a half-hearted grunt. FRIDAY’s reply seemed muffled to his ears. He heard some metallic clacking and realized he had closed his eyes. When they opened again, it was to find a collapsible cot in front of him. He shook his head.

 

           “Near Bucky.” Which earned him at least one sigh and one huff in amusement. But they helped him anyway, moving the cot to be next to Bucky’s table and they helped him move across the space and slump onto his cot, his hand brushing the brunet’s as he let himself fall asleep.

 

~

 

           He felt something soft touch his cheek and his eyes blinked open. Bucky was hovering over him, gently brushing his cheek with more aloe, leaving a cool trail after his fingertips. Steve smiled.

   

           “Feels nice.” He sighed, his eyes tracking over Bucky’s form, noting the blisters on his neck, and cheeks. Along his forearms and hands it looked like clumps of hives. Bucky chuckled.

 

           “Trust me, I know. Think I’ve found our new routine for bed.” Bucky’s voice cracked as he gave Steve a subdued smile.

 

           “I wouldn’t say no.” Steve smiled back, knowing that the weight of how they could have lost each other sat heavily in the curves of his mouth.

 

           “And that’s all I want to hear about whatever it is you two do in bed.” Sam stated loudly from behind Steve. Bucky glanced down at Steve and winked.

 

           “We haven’t even gotten to how we like to use the extra cable for space walks to…”

 

           “No. Just no, Barnes.”

 

           “I dunno Sam, we could probably teach you a thing or two for when we get back to Earth and you need to woo a girl.” Steve added, turning around so he could see Sam standing at one of the supply cupboards.

 

           “You both suck.” Sam glanced at Steve’s face. “And, full offense, you currently look like that creepy guy from Dune who hovers and eats hearts.” Bucky gasped at that and Steve turned back to glance at his lover. Bucky’s cheeks, forehead, and nose definitely had blisters and peeling skin on them, his lips were cracked almost painfully and his eyelids were swollen. Steve raised a hand and tentatively felt his own face. He couldn’t feel any bumps, but the fact that it hurt to touch meant his face was probably bright red. His lips were also cracked and running his tongue over them caused stinging. Suddenly a familiar pouch appeared in his vision.

 

           “Since you two are now awake you can drink your pouches. Bruce is still asleep so I’m going to continue his IV. Hey FRIDAY, let our Captain know that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are awake.” Steve scoffed and Bucky huffed in indignation at Sam’s words.

 

           “Confirm. Will relay to Captain that members Barnes and Rogers are awake.”

 

           “FRIDAY, I’m hurt.” Bucky pouted.

 

           “I’m offended that I’m Thing 2.” Steve frowned.

 

           “Not that I care if you feel better, but it’s alphabetical.” Sam shrugged at both of them then motioned to their pouches and made an exaggerated drinking motion. He received simultaneous eye rolls. But both men ripped off the tops and took big gulps. The door opened a few moments later as T’Challa, Wanda, Nat, and Tony filed in. As soon as Wanda saw that Bucky was awake she rushed over to him and pulled him into a gentle hug. Nat came over to Steve and squeezed his shoulder briefly before standing and looking down at Bruce’s sleeping form.

 

           “I am glad to see you two awake and looking better. All repairs have been made and the Sun room is operational again. I know this was a trying event but by working together we’ve proved not only that we are a great team, but that we are adaptable and flexible.” T’Challa nodded at each of them. “Now, Barnes, can you tell me what happened from your end?”

 

           Bucky nodded and took a small sip from his pouch. “Bruce and I had been talking with the filters open to 2% Sunlight for a bit. Then we asked FRIDAY to close the filters and we were heading toward the door when whatever it was hit us. I got my arm up enough to protect my face but I think Bruce hit the door pretty hard, and I know I smashed the panel. Then it was just so bright I didn’t know what to do. I think I tried to hit the panel to open the door but it would work. I’m not sure, it’s all kinda scrambled. I know at some point I was just trying not to look at the light.” He breathed in shakily. “Sorry I can’t be more helpful.”

 

           “No, this is good information. I’m hoping that Dr. Banner will re-awaken within the next few hours if he took a hit like that. Tony was up all night working with FRIDAY on the proximity scanner and it’s better than ever.”

 

           Tony nodded at them as he stood near the head of Bruce’s bed. “Just simple stuff really, changing how the scanner works, figuring out ways to isolate the particular chemicals found in Avenger’s waste… So hopefully nothing else comes from space to try and kill us.” He shrugged again but refused to meet anyone’s eyes.

 

           “It’s not your fault, Tony. This was an accident.” Tony waved his hand dismissively at Bucky’s remark.

 

           “Barnes is correct.” T’Challa looked at Tony. “It was an accident and now it’s been fixed and we are all mostly fine.” He looked back to Bucky and Steve. “I’d prefer it if you two remain in the infirmary for another night just to be safe. Make sure you’re drinking and we’ll bring dinner later.” Both men nodded at his declaration and Sam smiled.

 

           “Don’t worry, they’ll make sure to listen to me. You know, the guy in charge of this here infirmary?” His grin widened as both men glared at him balefully. “Ok boys, one more pouch and then i think rest.” The crew filed out the door, minus Tony who stayed by Bruce, as Steve and Bucky allowed Sam to fawn all over them. After they had each drunk another pouch of electrolytes, both laid down. Steve noticed that Bucky was shivering slightly. He reached out and laid his palm on Bucky’s shaking forearm.

 

           “You ok, Buck?” Bucky turned his face towards Steve, a crinkle forming between his eyebrows.

 

           “Chilly.” He said after a prolonged moment. Steve nodded and got up to grab a blanket from the cupboard. Sam, noticing, came over to stand near Bucky.

 

           “What’s wrong JB?” He glanced down concerned.

 

           “Just chills. And a headache.”

 

           “Alright man, we’ll get you under a blanket and I’m gonna give you some ibuprofen. You let me know if you start feeling any worse, ok?”

 

           “Ok, Sam.” Steve lay the blanket over Bucky, grabbed a cup for water, and gently pushed him up enough to take the pills Sam gave him. As Steve turned to lie down, he noticed that Bucky had already fallen back to sleep snuggled with the blanket up to his chin. Steve allowed himself to fall asleep gazing at Bucky’s relaxed face.

 

~

 

           A few hours later the crew returned, this time with dinner that Wanda had cooked. Steve had sat up and was given a plate, which he eagerly dove into. Bucky had shaken his head at the food and nodded when Sam asked if he was feeling nauseated. Bruce had woken up at the same time and also turned down food, opting for an electrolyte pouch. Bruce’s face was a mass of blisters, peeling skin, and a nasty bruise that had formed on the side of his temple over his left eye. He was unusually subdued when conversing with Tony and Nat, but gave Steve a long look before saying,

   

           “Thanks for saving us, Steve.” Steve nodded in reply as he finished up his meal and draped a comforting arm across Bucky’s shoulders, pulling the brunet to him. Bucky allowed himself to be pulled and stuck his head under Steve chin, pressing the side of his face into Steve’s chest. Steve could feel Bucky still shivering under his hand.

 

           The following days were rough on everyone. Steve was returned to full duty the next day, having suffered the least exposure to the Sun. His skin had started peeling by then, and Nat and Sam resorted to hissing at him and flicking their tongues out whenever he walked by. This continued for around 3 days until he pulled Sam into a headlock, and when the shorter man protested he simply shrugged. “Boa constrictors squeeze their prey, Sam. I don’t know what else to tell you.” Sam had finally called uncle.

 

           Bucky and Bruce had a longer recovery. Bucky still suffered from some chills but overall he mostly had to contend with his blistered face and the hives that had developed on his arms and legs. Steve helped him apply lotion whenever he could, and Bucky spent a good chunk of the time resting. Bruce also seemed to have the chills, but he became a recluse, rarely coming out of his room to stop by the common room or kitchen, preferring instead to make tracks to the infirmary. When Steve had questioned Sam about it, the other man had simply shrugged.

 

           “He’s always been a bit secretive, Steve, plus this was a traumatic event. I’m sure he’s coming to terms with the fact that he could have died. Just give him space.” Steve had nodded at this, giving Bruce his space but making sure to at least say hello to the man every day. After a week, the crew were back up to their full duty roster and things seemed to get back to normal. Mostly.

 

~

 

           About a month later, Steve noticed that Bucky was avoiding the Sun room. Back on Earth, they had been advised that they should take some time in the Sun room at least once a week on a very low percentage just to keep up their vitamin D and mood. Steve always made sure to get in an hour’s worth while he looked over readouts from FRIDAY. One day, Wanda had come to him looking somewhat concerned.

   

           “I think Bruce is spending at least 3 hours a day in the Sun room.” Steve thought it a little strange.

 

           “As long as he’s doing it at a low percentage he should be ok. Does he have blisters again?”

 

           “No.” She shook her head, worrying at her lip. “It just seems...strange that he’d want to spend so much time in there after what happened.” She scanned Steve’s face. “Don’t you think?”

 

           Steve thought for a moment. “Maybe? But that might be how he’s coping?” Wanda nodded, still biting her lip.

 

           “Right, that makes sense. Guess I was getting myself worked up over nothing.” She gave him a deprecating smile.

 

           “Hey, never be afraid to talk to any one of us about a concern, ok? Especially not me or T’Challa.” She gave him a real smile at that and nodded.

 

           “I know. You’re the two best men we’ve got. I’m going to see if Bucky wants to help me in the garden. Thank you, Steve.” She disappeared down the hallway. Steve headed to the mainframe room and stood near the console.

 

           “Hey, FRIDAY? Can you show me readouts of Sun room usage for the last 3 weeks?”

 

           “Certainly Steve. Here is the list of crew time usage of Sun room.” Steve scanned the readout, frowning.

 

           “FRIDAY, when was the last time James Barnes accessed the Sun room?”

 

           “That would be 32 days ago, when the accident occurred.” Steve nodded as FRIDAY confirmed his fear. He was going to have to talk to Bucky about this. But what would be the best way? He figured he should ask Sam. He’d normally ask Bruce but he was still wary to bother the man with anything other than a present medical emergency. Instead, he did his maintenance around the room, checking each coolant tank and testing power readouts before he packed up his kit, hung it back on the wall and headed out.

 

           “Hey, FRIDAY? Where’s Sam?”

 

           “Sam is currently on the flight deck with Natasha.”

 

           “Thank you, FRIDAY.” Steve made his way to the them, noting that Wanda and Bucky were in the kitchen as he made his way. When he arrived, Sam and Nat both looked up from the display.

 

           “Hey! What’s up?” Sam smiled at him as Nat minimized what she was doing and giving him a nod.

 

           “Uh, nothing, just had something I wanted to run by you?” Steve hesitated, it wasn’t really something he wanted to mention to Nat yet. She seemed to read his expression as she stood up.

 

           “Well I’m headed to the kitchen. Gotta get first dibs on the grub.” She winked at them both and then walked off. Sam watched her for a moment before turning to Steve, reaching his hands back to lean against the console.

 

           “What’s on your mind?”

 

           “It’s Bucky.” At Sam’s raised eyebrow Steve hastily added. “No nothing like that. It’s just...he hasn’t been to the Sun room since the accident.” Sam stared at him, obviously waiting for him to continue. “And I’m just...worried?” He held up his hands helplessly at Sam.

 

           “It’s not bad to be worried, Steve. You both went through some trauma. If he developed a fear of the room I’m not that surprised. Do you think it’s affected his mood? Has he seemed more depressed lately?” Steve had to think on that question. Had Bucky been depressed recently?

 

           “No, not that I can think of. His mood’s been fine it’s just…” At that Steve remembered something. “I guess, he spaces out? A few days ago he was helping me do a supply check and then he acted like we hadn’t done it when I talked to him about it later?”

 

           Sam frowned. “Like he spaced out during the check?”

 

           Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t think so? I think he just forgot we did it. But otherwise I haven’t noticed anything.” Sam nodded.

 

           “Could have just been a senior moment.” At Steve’s glare Sam laughed. “No but seriously, if it’s not affecting his mood I think we ought to just let sleeping dogs lie. Maybe we can do something on the way back or when we get to Earth. But you have to let me and Bruce know if you think it’s affecting his mood or his abilities.”

 

           “Of course.” Steve sighed. “Guess maybe I’ve become a worrywart.” Sam laughed.

 

           “Oh no, you’ve always been that. But a scare like that is always going to make us extra careful.” Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder and gave him a shove towards the door. “Now, let me lead you to the kitchen, can’t have you getting lost.” Steve gave in to the familiar joke, letting himself be pushed by the hands on his shoulders and guided to the kitchen where Nat, Bucky, Wanda, and T’Challa were already seated around the table. Bucky smiled at Steve and patted the seat of the chair next to him, a plate already full of food in front of it. Steve smiled in return, sliding into the seat and kissing Bucky quickly. Nat made a gagging noise. Wanda chuckled at Nat while spooning a serving out to Sam.

 

           “Now all we’re missing are the science brothers. Anyone seen them?” Everyone shook their heads at Nat’s question so she asked FRIDAY.

 

           “Dr. Banner and Tony are in the Sun room.” Steve caught Wanda’s small frown and gave her a understanding look.

 

           “Tell them dinner is ready and it’s Wanda’s special, paprikash.” T’Challa smiled as he took a large bite. The AI relayed the message but by the time Bruce and Tony had arrived, everyone was up and clearing their plates.

 

           “Way to wait for us. Hope you left more than two bites.” Tony snarked as he grabbed a plate and the serving spoon. Bruce smiled shakily at them while he served himself.

 

           “You’re lucky we saved you any.” Nat smacked Tony’s shoulder and ruffled Bruce’s hair on her way out. Sam stood at the sink and began working on the dirty dishes. Steve reached for Bucky’s hand and their fingers linked as they followed T’Challa out the door.

 

           “Comeon Buck, show me what’s new in the garden.”

 

~

 

           It wasn’t until several months later that things came to a head. Steve was taking a quick nap; he had just spent a few hours scrubbing tanks for the oxygen garden and wanted a light rest before dinner. Suddenly T’Challa’s voice came over his intercom.

 

           “Rogers, you’re needed in the kitchen. Hurry up!” Steve jumped out of bed, pulling on his pants and shirt. He hurried down the hallway. As he got closer to the kitchen he could hear several raised voices.

 

           “I don’t give a shit, you could have killed me!”

 

           “I swear, Tony, it was an accident! I don’t even understand how it happened.” Steve sped into the room, finding Tony being held back by Bruce while T’Challa stood in between him and Bucky. Bucky was shaking, looking wide eyed at Tony, with Wanda behind him. Before either man could say anything else Steve spoke.

 

           “What’s going on here?” Tony sneered at him.

 

           “What’s going on here is your boyfriend fell asleep on the job and nearly killed me.”

 

           “What?”

 

           “I told you, Tony, I didn’t fall asleep! I don’t know what happened!” Bucky was clearly upset.

 

           “Oh that makes it so much better!” Tony spat back.  “This is the third time Barnes! The third time for routine maintenance! It’s not complicated, so either you’re falling asleep or this is some sort of sabotage!” Steve felt his ire rise along with his confusion.

 

           “Sabotage? Tony you can’t be serious.” But when the physicist turned on Steve his eyes were wide with deep circles.

 

           “Oh please, like you don’t also blame me for the ‘incident’!” Tony sharply punctuated his words with his fingers.

 

           “No, Tony, what? When was the last time you got some sleep.”

 

           “Everyone needs to calm down. Now.” T’Challa’s even voice carried over Tony’s harsh breathing.

 

           “Look, I get it, ok. You almost died so now it’s giving me a taste of my own medicine, but I swear you need to cut this shit out!” Bucky was shaking his head.

 

           “That’s not what it is. You know I don’t blame you. I remember you approaching me but then it’s just...foggy. I can’t really remember.”

 

           “That’s convenient.”

 

           “Enough, Tony! If he says it was an accident, it was an accident!” Steve took several steps so that he was standing in front of  Bucky.

 

           “Oh sure, take his side! It was a mistake having the two of you on this mission! Everyone knows you’re always going to take his side in everything! Your judgement is skewed!”

 

           “What are you saying, Tony?” Steve felt his voice go low and flat.

 

           Tony flailed his hands at the two of them. “You, you both. Being on this mission! Who knows if we even would have had the problem if Clint were on the mission!” Bucky flinched with his whole body. “Or you!” Tony pointed at Steve. “Either of you, both of you! You’re second strings, you’re not even supposed to be on this mission! You’re here because of mistakes!”

 

           “You’re not supposed to be on this mission either! You bullied your way on here! Fury didn’t want you here.” T’Challa stepped towards Steve, raising his hand in warning.

 

           “Yeah, for health reasons. Not because I wasn’t good enough! You’re here because the most qualified people went and got themselves hurt! And then you have the nerve to judge me!” Tony practically spat the last words at him. Steve wanted to push the issue, but he could feel Bucky trembling at his back so he turned and looked at his lover.

 

           Bucky’s eyes were watery and there was a singular tear track down his cheek. Steve reached up and brushed away the tear with his thumb. “He doesn’t mean it Buck, he’s just tired. Do you really not remember what happened?” Bucky looked him in the eye and shook his head.

 

           “Tony, you need to go to your quarters and relax. Bruce, take him there.” T’Challa commanded. Tony looked as if he wanted to disagree but Bruce tugged him along, out the door and down the hallway. Once they had left he approached Steve and Bucky. He looked at Bucky and waited until the brunet met his eyes. “Now, Barnes. Are you sure you can’t remember what happened?”

 

           Bucky shook his head. “No, I don’t even remember him asking me to help.” He sniffled again. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” Steve tightened his arms around Bucky, pulling him close so that their chests touched and Bucky tucked his head under Steve’s, his long hair falling like a curtain around his face. He was still trembling slightly.

 

           Steve looked over Bucky’s head to find Sam standing in the doorway. He looked at them, then at T’Challa.

 

           “Looks like I missed the excitement.”

 

           T’Challa sighed. “I’m going to talk to Tony later, but right now I’m more concerned about what could be causing these lapses in memory. Tony said this was the third time, but was it the third time or just the third time with him?” He aimed his question at Steve this time.

 

           Steve hesitated for a moment. In his arms Bucky had gone very still. Wanda looked between the back of Bucky’s head and T’Challa before biting her lip.

 

           “It happened with me. One of the times I asked Bucky to replace the filters with me in the oxygen garden.” She looked troubled. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

 

           Steve sighed. “It’s happened a few times, I thought you were joking but I think maybe it’s more than just a little forgetfulness.” At this Bucky peeked up at him through his hair and stepped back, pulling out of Steve’s grasp.

          

           “I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like an, out-of-body experience? Like I’m not really in my body I’m just watching? I promise I’m not trying to hurt anyone.” He glanced between them all.

 

           T’Challa frowned. “I think we should ask Bruce about it. I know you wouldn’t do anything to put anyone in danger.” He reached out a hand and placed it comfortingly on Bucky’s shoulder. “Until then, I want you to have a buddy for all of your jobs, ok?” Bucky nodded.

 

           “Yeah, ok.”

 

           “And give Tony a little time alright? You know how he gets when he’s not sleeping.”

 

           He nodded again, brushing his hair behind his ear. Steve walked over and tugged Bucky into a sideways hug. Bucky absentmindedly scratching his hands through Steve’s beard.

 

           “Alright, I have dish duty today. Any takers?” He glanced around with careful eyes. Nat smirked.

 

           “It’s your lucky day, I happen to be an excellent dryer. We’ll get everything done in no time.” She briefly glanced at Steve, who smiled at her.

 

           “Ok, that’s settled. Everyone, dismissed.” T’Challa made his way out of the room, Sam and Wanda in his wake.

 

           Steve grasped Bucky’s chin, turning his head to face Steve. He placed a gentle kiss on the other man’s lips. “Don’t worry about it, ok? We’ll get this sorted out. I believe you.” Bucky leant forward and Steve kissed him again.

 

           “I know.” That simple sentence warmed Steve’s heart and he gave Bucky a small smile before making his way to the maintenance room.

 

~

 

           Tony dropped down onto his bed. He was still shaky from the fight in the kitchen. He didn’t even understand why half of the nasty things he said had left his mouth. Obviously his brain to mouth filter was even worse than usual. Barnes was not the kind of guy to hold grudges; he knew this objectively. HOMER’s report on Barnes had emphasized his empathy and genial nature. And Tony had witnessed it first hand several times on the flight, Barnes was always the person to step in between people when spats would happen. But at the same time something in his brain couldn’t make that connection. It was like there were two versions of Barnes. The guy who would make cracks about This is Spinal Tap or Buckaroo Banzai, and the strange robotic version of him that had started reeling it’s ugly head. But even that strange automaton was preferable to…

 

           “What the fuck, Tony?!” Bruce shouted at him so viciously that Tony found himself flinching back, his arm raised reflexively.

 

           “Bruce, hey…” But the other man just cut him off with a slash of his arm.

 

           “NO! I’m serious! I told you to go to bed 6 hours ago! What the hell have you been doing?” Bruce had started to stalk back and forth, muttering to himself.  

 

           “I had an idea about how to conserve fuel by altering our trajectory. So FRIDAY and I were testing it out. Seriously I was planning on going to sleep after that but then I decided to run some tests on the conductivity of the door panels so I asked Barnes to help…” Tony understood at this point that he was mostly just babbling but he couldn’t figure out which would make Bruce angrier. Tony wasn’t even sure what Bruce was angry at. In the months since the ‘incident’, as Tony labeled it, Bruce had seemed to be on a hair trigger. The tiniest things could send him into an almost incoherent rage. And it terrified Tony. “But I’m going to sleep now, I promise! So why don’t you go mediate for a bit? Namaste and nirvana and all that?” Bruce rounded on him and for a moment Tony saw his life flash before his eyes. But Bruce just snorted, like a bull, and nodded.

 

           “Meditate. In the Sun room?” Tony nodded back at him.

 

           “Yeah got get your zen on. Dose of that good ol’ vitamin D.” Bruce made to step out of Tony’s room, his mind seemingly already focused on his new goal before stopping short and pinning Tony with a look.

 

           “Sleep. Now.”

 

           “Right, big guy. Sleeping. See? I’m tucking myself in.” He peeled back the blanket and shoved himself underneath. Bruce only nodded before disappearing.

 

           They were all so fucked up. Tony wasn’t sure how they were going to last the next few days until the bomb launch, let alone the two years on their way back to Earth. His eyelids were heavy and he could feel the energy leaving his body. He would have to apologize to Barnes later, after he checked on Bruce. He drifted off with a vision of strawberry blonde hair.

 

           The next time he opened his eyes, he felt refreshed. Sleep had driven away his irrationality and with this clarity, he could see how crazy he had sounded screaming at Barnes. And how it had made Barnes cry. _Shit_.

 

           “Hey, FRIDAY?”

 

           “Yes, Tony?”

 

           “Where’s Barnes?”

 

           “Bucky is in the kitchen along with the rest of the crew. It is lunch time now. You have slept for 15 hours.” Tony blinked owlishly. Lunch time? As in, next day lunch time. _Sheesh_ he really hadn’t been sleeping well.

 

           “Ok, thanks FRIDAY.” He popped into his shower and let the warm water rush over him, helping dislodge the last bit of tension that his muscles held. When he stepped out, he pulled on a long sleeve shirt and pants before making his way to the kitchen. As he stepped in he could hear Steve’s voice.

 

       “Actually, no.” He smirked at Sam, who was standing there with a plate, fork halfway raised to his mouth.

 

       “Look, what is it, beef?” He asked Steve, still hesitating with the fork, giving whatever was on it a dubious look.

 

       Steve huffed, crossing his arms. “No, it’s chicken.” Sam took a bite then and made an unimpressed face, coughing a little as he swallowed and glared at Steve. “ Hey, if you don't like it, you take my shift next time.”Steve shrugged and turned around, grabbing his own plate and walking to take a seat next to Barnes. Barnes was listening with rapt attention to Bruce, who was making large motions with his arms. Both of their plates were untouched.

 

           “No, no, what I’m saying is...for psych tests on deep space, l ran sensory-deprivation trials. Testing total darkness on flotation tanks. And the point about darkness is, you float in it. You and the darkness are distinct from each other because darkness is an absence of something, it's a vacuum. But the opposite, total light; it envelops you. It becomes you. And you feel stronger, more alive. Like there’s nothing inside of you but light.” Bruce finished his sentence with a flourish.

 

           Barnes was staring at him. He blinked a few times and Tony worried he might have spaced out again when he smiled and laughed. “What's strange, Bruce, is that you're the medical and psych officer...and I'm clearly a lot saner than you are.” Bruce sputtered as Wanda and Nat joined in on the laugh.

 

           “No seriously, Bruce. You sound like one of those cult leaders.” Nat said, pointing her fork at him, “You spend too much time meditating in that Sun room, I think it’s fried your brain.”

 

           Wanda nodded, taking a bite of food and violently choked. She brought her hands up to her mouth and coughed hard, T’Challa walking around to gently smack her on the back a few times.

 

           “Ok, I get it! I can’t cook. We all know this but you put me in the rotation every time!” Steve threw his hands up. Barnes wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him a peck on the cheek.

 

           “It’s ok, babe. It’s not your fault you lack taste buds.” Sam snorted as he took the empty seat next to Steve.

 

           “No flavor is right. But at least you cooked the chicken through this time. I remember raw chicken night, I survived raw chicken night.” Everyone around the table groaned in unison, even Tony. Steve stiffened, looking affronted until Barnes grabbed Steve’s chin, turning his head so that Barnes could give him a kiss on the lips. Then the tension melted away and he just sighed.

 

           “Next time, I’m making pasta.”

 

           “And I’ll help.” Barnes smiled and winked at everyone. Tony stared down at the plate in front of him, honestly a little scared. He cut a tiny piece of the brown meat in front of him and took a tentative bite. It was hard not to retch but he chewed carefully and then swallowed; the dry, flavorless chicken seemed to cling to the sides of his throat on the way down.

 

           T’Challa lowered his fork to his plate,  “All right, everyone. The solar wind reading is much higher than we'd anticipated at this distance. For the moment we can still send package messages back. High-frequency bursts will rise above interference and the Moon Stations will be able to pick them up. But it's possible that within 24 hours we won't be able to communicate with Earth at all.” His eyes traveled over everyone.

 

           Tony leaned forward, looking at him intently.  “Possible?”

 

           T’Challa looked at him. “Probable. We'll be all on our own.”

 

           Tony snorted. “We're 55 million miles from Earth. I'd say we're already on our own.” He could feel his anxiety begin to ratchet up as the knowledge settled on his shoulders.

 

           “It’s fine. We were expecting this. No great drama.” Wanda said soothingly, standing and moving to the sink and grabbing the kettle. She filled it and set it on the stovetop.

 

           T’Challa sighed. “We're flying into the dead zone seven days sooner than we thought. But if any of you are planning on sending a final message home you should do it now. Also, Wanda, what’s the report on the O2?”

 

           She nodded at him as she pulled the squealing kettle off the stove. “Right! The O2 productivity is good. In fact, if anything, we're over-producing. It will trail off dramatically when we get nearer. But in truth, we have the reserves to make it there and a quarter-way back.” She looked down and chewed on her lip.

   

           Barnes glanced at her knowingly. “You’re thinking about the Valkyrie.” He stood up and walked over to her, throwing an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm. She nodded and leaned into the hug, reaching her arm around his back and resting her hand at his hip.

 

           “Yes, it’s just...whatever it was that tripped them up....l don't think it was a lack of oxygen. Not on the outward journey, at any rate.” Tony remembered that Wanda’s brother had been on Valkyrie, how could he have forgotten? The twins were the best botanists in the world and that was why they were recruited in the first place. Tony felt a little ashamed to realize that he rarely thought about what it might be like for everyone else, leaving family or friends behind. Or like Wanda, who had already lost someone to this mission.

 

           Steve was look at Barnes with that mushy love look again. Like the man hung the moon. God they were sickening together, weren’t they? Bruce cleared his throat and Tony looked at him. The other man raised his eyebrow and glanced from Steve, to Barnes, ending on a pointed look at Tony. Tony averted his eyes. No, they were madly in love, but really Tony was just envious of what they had, how much they seemed to be able to support each other. Steve probably never had to buy Barnes expensive stuff to overcompensate for nasty things he said. Tony stopped that train of thought before it could send him down a self hating spiral.

 

           “Ok, well, I have something to say.” He announced, standing up and moving to the head of the table. Everyone turned their eyes to him. Steve looked mildly suspicious and Barnes looked pensive. Tony drew in a deep breath and then turned to face Barnes. “I’m sorry, Barnes. I was out of line and I said some nasty things that I don’t really believe. You’re the best navigator we’ve had, ok? I wouldn’t want anyone on this mission besides you. Also, one else will argue with me about how great of a villian John Bigbootie is.”

 

           Barnes snorted. “It’s Big-bootay. Tay.” He corrected in a terrible Italian accent, but he strode forward to Tony and put his hands on Tony shoulders. “Thanks Tony. I accept. I’m sorry I let myself zone out, it put you in danger and that’s not fair.” He smiled a little sadly. “‘I’m working on that so I hope you can trust me again, ok?”

 

           Tony nodded. “Anytime BB.” He patted Barnes’s arms and stepped backward to turn to Steve. “And Rogers, Steve, I’m sorry I yelled at you too, ok? You’re great at what you do and the Avenger wouldn’t be flying half so well without you keeping her in tip-top shape.” He held out his hand, which Steve accepted and stood to shake.

 

           “I’m sorry I called you a bully. We’ve all been on this ship for a long time. Sixteen months, you can get used to anything.” He glanced sideways to Barnes.  “You can lose track. And we’ve already had a bad scare so we’re all a little on edge. But it doesn’t make it right. I accept, and I hope you’ll accept my apology too.”

 

           “Already done, water under the bridge.” Tony waved his hand around flamboyantly. “Anybody else feel weird, like we’re just surrounded by feelings? I'd don't like it, it's icky, I’m gonna go mess around with FRIDAY’s sensors, be in nice AI company.” Nat snickered and Wanda, Sam, Barnes, and T’Challa all laughed at him. Good. good. They were back on track. Tony walked to the door.

 

           “Don’t break anything.” T’Challa said from behind him. Tony flicked his hand in a dismissive wave and made his way to the flight deck.

 

~

 

           Steve watched Tony walk off. He hoped that this had finally settled whatever had been brewing between them. When he turned back to the table, everyone was looking at him.

 

           “What?” He asked as Bucky walked around to wrap his arms around Steve’s waist from behind, standing on tiptoes so he could rest his chin on the juncture of Steve’s neck and right shoulder.

 

           “What you said, how it’s been a while and we all can lose track. You’re right. I think we should consider this a fresh start.” T’Challa said as he smiled and nodded around the table. “So in the mood of fresh starts, I order you and Barnes to clean up those ridiculous manes and whatever this-” He motioned at his lower face with his hand. “Is. We need to look professional. You two look like vagrants.”

 

           Natasha threw her head back and laughed, while Wanda giggled, and Sam slapped his knee. Bruce tried to cover up his smile.

 

           Bucky huffed and pulled his hands back from around Steve’s waist to swipe through Steve’s hair.

 

           “You’re just jealous because Steve looks like a lion.” He ran his fingers from the crown of Steve’s head, down the back of his neck and flicking out and up, following the golden brown hair. Steve leaned into the touch, enjoying the slight scratch of Bucky’s nails on his scalp.

 

           “Nah, Steve looks like he’s homeless. And what are you, Rapunzel?” Sam snapped playfully.  

 

           Bucky pulled his hands away from Steve’s head with a gasp and Steve moved sideways to watch the brunet gather his hair together. It fell to below Bucky’s shoulders in long luxurious brown waves. Personally Steve loved how long Bucky’s hair was, how it felt to card his hand through it.

 

           “You’re just jealous! You wish you could grow your hair out as long as mine.” Natasha snorted. Bucky pointed at her. “Same with you!” She gave him a fast, hard glare.

 

           “Your hair is beautiful Bucky, I love braiding it.” Wanda smiled at him.

 

           “Still, like i said, professional. When we get back to earth you can grow your hair out as long as possible. But for now, clean it up. Captain’s orders.” T’Challa smiled again, then rose gracefully and made his way out of the kitchen.

 

           “Comeon boys, let’s get you cleaned up.” Natasha motioned to them and made her way down the hall. Steve reached out his hand to grasp Bucky’s, who intertwined their fingers and headed out the door. Stopping, he quickly flashed Sam the finger with his free hand and then pulled Steve along behind Nat. Steve glanced back at Sam and gave him a sarcastic salute. Sam’s laughter following them down the hallway to the large shared bathroom. Natasha opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of medical scissors. She motioned to the toilet seat and Bucky dropped Steve’s hand to take a seat on the lid. Steve moved so that he could lean against the bathroom wall, facing Bucky and Natasha, but far enough back that he wouldn’t inhibit either’s movements.

 

           Natasha gathered up Bucky’s hair as if in a ponytail. “Alright, Yasha. One, two, three!” On the last number, she cut right through where she had the hair gathered, slicing it all off in a bunch in her hand. His hair fell around his face, the ends brushing along the tops of his sharp cheekbones. She held up the long length of brown hair and held it in front of Bucky’s face. “Look at this, you know girls would kill for your hair, right?” Bucky smiled and Natasha set the bundle on the sink. “More?”

 

           Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I think short on the sides and a little longer on the top?” He looked up at her. “I trust you Natalia.” She smiled down at him.

 

           “Good, now stay still, move your head where I move it, and don’t say anything.” She began cutting, stopping once in a while to tilt Bucky’s head as more and more locks of hair fell around their feet. Steve left the bathroom for a moment to grab a small handheld vacuum. When he came back, Natasha was standing in front of Bucky with an electric razor. Steve eased his way around her, very careful not to jostle her arms. When she finished, she turned around with a flourish held out her hands as if she was presenting Bucky. “Taadaa!”

 

           The sight stole Steve’s breath away. Bucky was clean shaven now, the adorable cleft in his chin fully visible. She had gone over the sides of his head with the razor, obviously, but there was still enough hair left on top that Bucky could run his hands through it. Which he was, shyly smiling at Steve.

 

           “What do you think?” He asked. Steve smiled so wide he thought it reached his ears. Bucky’s beautiful stormy eyes were on full display, no more dark curtain to hide behind.

 

           “You look gorgeous. Wow, Buck! Your eyes seem so much brighter.” Bucky bit his lip and smiled at Steve. Steve looked to Natasha. “Nice work, Nat! It looks professional.” She smiled and combed her fingers through Bucky’s hair.

 

           “Well, with his hair it was easy. So much volume!” She tugged gently and Bucky laughed. “Now it’s your turn, Steve.” She backed away and Bucky stood up, patting the lid behind him as he and Steve maneuvered around each other. Steve brought up his hand to comb through Bucky’s hair himself. Enjoying the soft feel of the thick locks. Then he plopped himself down on the lid. Bucky moved to take his place, back leaning against the wall crossing his arms loosely.

 

           “What are we doing with you today, Steve?” Nat asked. He looked up at Bucky’s face, and the brunet just flashed him a smile.

 

           “You know what? Take it all down. Let’s buzz it.”

 

           “You sure about that, Rogers?” Nat quirked her eyebrow at him. He nodded at her.

 

           “The Captain wants it short, right? Let’s go short.” Bucky smiled at him and raised his eyebrows.

 

           “As you wish.” Nat smiled, then leaned over him with the razor. The buzzing was loud enough to drown out any other sounds so he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He couldn’t tell how long it took, but at some point the razor turned off. Steve blinked his eyes open. Nat was standing above him, flicking her hand across his forehead. She stepped back.

 

           “Well, you certainly look, different.” She tilted her head and then looked at Bucky. Bucky stared at Steve for a moment before he moved forward, raising his hand to run it over Steve’s head. Steve’s colder head. He could feel the airflow on the back of his neck and all over his scalp. As Bucky ran his fingers through the short hairs he smiled.

 

           “Feels like a peach.” He ran the back of his hand up Steve’s cheek, rubbing at the stubble. “Fuzzy all over. I like it.” He motioned for Steve to stand up and look at the mirror over the sink. His own face stared back at him, beard shorn down to barely stubble that followed the line of his jaw and around his mouth. Over the top of his head, his hair was also buzzed very tight to his scalp. His roots looked darker in color. He ran his own hand over his head, feeling how short it was. Bucky was right, it felt a bit like a peach. He smiled.

 

           “I like it. Reminds me of boot camp.” Nat shrugged her shoulders.

 

           “You do look more dangerous, anyways. All right boys, enjoy the clean up!” She waved at them over her back as she strode from the room. The two men stood for a moment, stunned, before turning to face each other and laugh loudly. Bucky set about wiping down surfaces as Steve vacuumed up what he could find. After they finished and threw out the garbage, they walked into the hallway and down towards their quarters. Steve deposited the vacuum in a nook in the hallway. As he put it down he felt Bucky tugging on his hand and he allowed himself to be pulled into their room, the door sliding shut behind them. As soon as the door had shut Bucky crowded Steve up against the door, palming the pad and entering the lock sequence.

 

           “Whatcha doin, Buck?” Steve asked as Bucky reached his hands up to stroke along the sides of Steve’s face before clasping his hands around the base of Steve’s head and pulling him into a heated kiss. Steve brought his own hands up, sinking them into Bucky’s hair as he licked into the other man’s mouth. The slide of Bucky’s smooth cheeks against his own was such a different sensation that he moaned at the contact. Bucky replied with his own moan and pulled back from Steve, his eyes dark and lips shiny.

 

           “Testing out this new hairdo, whatsit look like, Stevie?” Steve replied by moving his hand around the back of Bucky’s head to gently tug and the short locks. He smiled as Bucky’s breath hitched and his eyelids fluttered.

 

           “Sounds like a good idea.” He captured the brunet’s lips and maneuvered him back to the bed, shoving him down and grabbing at the bottom of Bucky’s sweater. Bucky yelped when he landed on the bed but smiled and raised his arms up so that Steve could pull his sweater off, flinging it to the side. He reached up to pull Steve down into another consuming kiss as he worked at undressing him. Steve leaned back, raising his arms up as Bucky yanked his shirt up and over them. Bucky brought it back down, dropping it gently next to their bed and smiling at Steve. Steve simply leaned down and captured the other man’s lips again.

 

~

 

           Steve woke up several hours later to Bucky getting out of bed. This was not a good plan, Bucky shouldn’t be leaving bed. Steve reached out and snagged him around the waist, trying to pull him back down on the bed.

 

           “Comeon, Steve, time to get up. It’s almost dinner time and I think you had something you wanted to do in the mainframe room.” Steve just groaned and buried his face into Bucky’s back. He felt Bucky’s shoulder shake with laughter. “Babe, I have to help Sam with inventory in the infirmary. Go do what you need to and I’ll see you at dinner.” Steve rubbed his face against Bucky’s shirt and sighed, letting him go.

 

           “Fine.” Bucky just turned to smile brightly at Steve before leaning down and giving him a quick peck. When Steve reached out to pull him back into the bed he gracefully danced around Steve’s grasping arms.

 

           “Later!” Steve sighed, everything felt colder without Bucky. And his hair. He ran his hand over his head again before getting up and dressing, heading to the maintenance room.

 

~

 

           A few days later, Steve was sitting at the kitchen table with Sam, Wanda, and Bucky. They were in the middle of a heated game of Hearts; Wanda attempting to shoot the moon. Steve eyed his seven and eight of hearts warily and was about to set a card down when T’Challa’s voice sounded over the intercom.

 

           “Everyone, come see this. Sun room.” They all shared a questioning glance before standing, each putting their hands face down at their places. As they made their way out, Wanda turned to Bucky.

 

           “I wonder what it is?”

 

           “I dunno either. But I bet whatever it is, it’s beautiful.” He smiled at Wanda. “You know how T’Challa can get.” Wanda smiled at him and linked her arm through his as they walked. Steve and Sam followed behind.

 

           “Whatever it is, it better be worth it. I’m gonna win this game, and I hate to prolong your agony.”  Sam laughed as he spoke, shoving into Steve with his shoulder. Steve shoved back and Sam stumbled a bit. Maybe he had shoved a bit too hard. “Hey, no injuries! It’s just a friendly game of hearts!”

 

           “Sure, friendly.” Steve teased back. “And I don’t know why you think you’re going to win. You’re the one who’s currently sitting at 101 points.”

 

           “Man, that’s just strategy Rogers. You ever heard of that?”

 

           “Like your current poker strategy, which is to owe me $80?” Sam waved his hand dismissively.

 

           “All in good time, my friend. All in good time.” They had reached the Sun room, Bucky moving back to let Wanda, then Sam go through. While it appeared innocuous, Steve could see that Bucky’s hands were trembling a bit so he reached out with his right and and laced his fingers with Bucky’s left. He gave a gentle squeeze and Bucky smiled at him as they walked into the room together.

 

           T’Challa was standing in front of the window, facing them all. Bruce, Wanda, and Sam settled onto the bench, Sam moving over slightly when Nat budged in between him and Wanda. Tony stood by the door, leaning against the wall. Bucky pulled Steve over to the same wall, sliding down so that they were sitting on the floor, backs against the wall facing T’Challa. Their Captain smiled enigmatically.

 

           “ Well, I should have a few words to say...but on reflection,” He glanced over his shoulder out the window, “what can one say? Ladies and gentlemen. Mercury.” He moved away from the window with a flourish and they all stared out at the planet. Wanda oo’d appreciatively and Nat leanted forward. Sam gave a low whistle. Steve felt Bucky squeeze him, and he glanced down at their joined hands before looking back up at Bucky. The other man was staring, enchanted, out the window, his eyes wide and a smile pulling at his lips. He looked so beautiful. Bucky seemed to feel Steve’s eyes on him and he glanced at him. Seeing Steve’s focus solely on him, he laughed and bumped Steve shoulder.

 

           “Comeon punk, you can see my face everyday. Not everyday we get to see Mercury.” Steve laughed too and turned to look out the window at the awe inspiring sight. He shuffled down so he could rest his head on Bucky’s shoulder and joined glanced out. The view was truly spectacular, the Sun a giant orb of swirling oranges, reds, and yellows, with the tiny silhouette of planet Mercury slowly moving in front of it.  Steve didn’t think he’d ever felt as peaceful as he did now, sitting here, seeing this, with Bucky.

 

~

 

           Tony whistled as entered the flight deck. T’Challa had summoned them all here only a little bit after breakfast, saying it was urgent. Tony knew whatever it was couldn’t bring down the buzzing under his skin. They were so close, so close to succeeding. And then they could head home, and he could see Pepper again; could prove to her that his decision had been correct, had been _necessary_. He was the last to arrive and seeing the looks on everyone’s faces, he cut off mid note.

 

           Sam nodded at him, then turned. “Ok, everyone. Twenty-three hours ago, on the comms systems-”

 

           “Listening to your space music?” Barnes interjected with a smirk. Nat and Wanda snickered and Steve chuckled. Sam just scowled at Barnes.

 

           “So twenty-three hours ago, WHILE scanning the frequencies, l heard a transmission. It appeared as we flew into the dark side of Mercury. As far as I can tell the iron content of the planet is acting as an antenna. There's high background interference, but the signal is clear enough. FRIDAY, please play audio file 117/C.”

 

           “Yes, Sam.” The loudspeakers were inundated with what sounded like a pulsing tone. It sounded vaguely familiar but Tony couldn’t place it before Sam cut off the file with a command.

 

           “So, what is it?” Tony asked.

 

           Sam looked grim. “It's the Valkyrie. That signal is their distress beacon.” Tony felt as if someone had punched him in the gut.

 

           Nat stood up and strode forward, glaring down at the console. “That's impossible! It's been seven years.”

 

           Sam shrugged. “Clearly it's not impossible because you can hear it.”

 

           Wanda had perked up and was staring at Sam intently. “Does that mean they're still alive?” Her voice trembled at the last word. T’Challa strode to Sam’s side, clapping him on the shoulder and motioning him to take a seat with the rest of the crew.

 

           “We don't know. But they could be. oxygen is self-replenishing. Water is recycled. They have the solar power they need.” T’Challa glanced around the room, meeting each of their eyes in turn.

 

           “What about food?” Steve asked.

 

           Barnes shook his head. “Their supplies couldn't last that long, could they?”

 

           Nat sighed, finishing what she was doing at the console to sit. “That depends. They had stock to cover eight people for three years.”

 

           “That's a four-year shortfall.” Bucky replied.

 

           “Or one hell of a diet.” Tony muttered.

 

           “We don't know what happened to the Valkyrie.” T’Challa said, trying to draw their attention.

 

           “There could have been an accident. There might not have been eight people to feed.” Natasha pointed out. Wanda let out a small gasp at her statement.

 

           “Ok, whatever. Do we know even where they are?” Tony cut into whatever else Nat was about to say.

 

           “That is the most important question. FRIDAY? Please plot our trajectory following the slingshot around Mercury.”

 

           They all glanced up at the display as the AI replied,“Yes, Captain.” They watched as a line charted it’s way across the holographic grid, Mercury and the Sun on either side.

 

           T’Challa nodded “Good, now plot the source of the Valkyrie beacon.” They all watched as a new line charted its way, falling just short of the Sun and of their own course.

 

           Bruce gasped. “They almost made it! That's why no one picked up the signal until now. It was lost in the background light and noise.” he brought a hand up to his chin, rubbing it thoughtfully. “We're gonna pass right by them. Within 10 or 15 thousand miles.”

 

           “Can anyone survive?” Wanda asked, her eyes not leaving the dot noting Valkyrie’s location.

 

           Steve bent forward towards her. “If the Sun shield is intact, yes.”

 

           “We'll be able to see them?” Natasha asked, glancing from the diagram to T’Challa’s face.

 

           “Yes.” He replied.

 

           Bucky stood up and walked closer to the display, his eyes flicking between the two lines. “I'd need to look at all of this pretty carefully. Very carefully. But if I had to make a guess right now, I'd say we could adjust our trajectory. We could fly straight to them.” Wanda stared at him with naked hope in her eyes.

 

           “But we're not gonna do that. Just to make it absolutely clear; there's no way we're gonna do that.” Natasha said, crossing her arms when they all looked at her. “Do I have to spell it out for you? We have a payload to deliver to the heart of our nearest star. We're doing it because that star is dying.” She turned and pointed to the Sun in the display. “And if it dies, we die. Everything dies. So that is our mission. There is nothing…” She slashed her arm across her body. “literally nothing, more important than completing our mission. End of story.”

 

           They all glanced between each other. Wanda looked distraught. This was....a lot to think about. Tony couldn’t fathom what they should do. Natasha was right, they had a mission, but...they were so close to the Valkyrie.

 

           Bruce sighed. “She's right.”

 

           Natasha snorted. “She's right. Of course I'm right. Is anyone here seriously considering otherwise?”

 

               “I am.” Steve stood up and walked over to Wanda, putting his hand on her shoulder. “I think we should. Want to know why?”

 

               Natasha glared at him. “No!”

 

           Steve looked towards T’Challa, “Captain?”

 

           The other man gave Steve a long look before acquiescing. “Go ahead.”

 

           “I don’t think we should leave any of that crew behind. We’re the only ones who can rescue them. It should be us. But I know how the Council thinks, and they’d call it ‘absurd’ to alter our trajectory to assist the crew of the Valkyrie. Even if we knew that some or even all of that crew are still alive. To the Council, their lives are expendable when seen in the context of our mission. As are our own lives.”

 

           Natasha threw her arms out. “Exactly! So we can’t.”

 

           Steve shook his head. “However...there is something onboard the Valkyrie that may be worth the detour to them. As you pointed out, Nat, we have a payload to deliver. A payload. Singular.” He held up one finger. “Now, everything about the delivery and effectiveness of that payload is entirely theoretical.” He glanced at Tony. _What the hell, Rogers?_ Tony nodded in agreement. Steve continued. “Simply put; we don't know if it's gonna work. But what we do know is this if we had two bomb,” He held up a second finger, “We'd have two chances.”

 

           “You're assuming we'd be able to pilot the Valkyrie.” Natasha shot back at him.

 

           He nodded “Yes.”

 

           Sam spoke up. “Which is assuming that whatever stopped them wasn't a fault or a damage to the spacecraft.”

 

           Steve crossed his arms. “Right.”

 

           Bruce just looked at Steve. “That’s a lot of assumptions, Steve.”

 

           “I know, Bruce. I know. It is. It's a risk assessment. The question is: Does the risk of a detour outweigh the benefits of an extra payload? Or the rescue of the crew? We have a duty to them, keep that in mind. Just because the Council says something, doesn’t mean it’s right.” Steve looked at Tony on his last sentence and Tony wilted under his glance. _Goddamnit, Steve_.

 

           “This is going to be a vote, right?” Sam asked.

 

           Natasha shook her head. “No, we won't. We are not a democracy. We're a collection of astronauts and scientists.”

 

           Steve nodded. “So we're gonna make the most informed decision available to us.”

 

           Nat curled her lip. “Made by you, by any chance?” But Steve shook his head at her.

 

           T’Challa stood as well, staring at the display. “No, made by the person best qualified to understand the complexities of a payload delivery.” He turned towards Tony. “Our physicist.”

 

           “Well, Shit.” Tony breathed out. Him? His decision? This was asinine. He wasn’t here because he made decisions for everyone else, he was here because he was the best scientist dammit. “I have to run some tests.”

 

           T’Challa nodded solemnly at him. “Ok, Tony.” He glanced to Barnes. “How many hours before we’d be out of range?” He asked. The navigator furrowed his brow in thought.

 

           “I’d say we have a window of about 8 hours at most.”

 

           “Ok, that gives Tony four hours to deliberate, alone. That is an order. Dismissed.”

 

 

 

 

           Tony dashed his way to the payload single-mindedly. He ran the simulated explosion over and over, knowing that at a point, there just couldn’t be any data. He even attempted a simulation running two bombs at once. But it still reached the point at which he and FRIDAY couldn’t even guess. He heard the door open behind him and he turned around to find T’Challa regally walking into the room. He strode to Tony’s side, looking at the simulation screen.

 

           Tony sighed. “Okay, FRIDAY, run the math on the successful delivery of the payload.”

 

           “Okay, payload delivery point reached.”

 

           “Detach the payload.” They watched in silence as the bomb detached itself from the holographic ship.

 

           “Stellar bomb initiated and detached. Crew and living section have four minutes to clear, and commence homeward journey. And four minutes after separation, boosters automatically fire.” On screen the ship moved away from the Sun and the pod’s holographic thrusters engaged. “Payload boosters will automatically fire after four-minute delay. Entering coronal hole in South Polar Cap. Magnetic field structure open. Temperature, 37,000.” They watched in silence as it continued traveling to the Sun before the screen rippled and distorted. “Reliability of projection has dropped below 45 percent. Remaining projection is not open to useful speculation. Variables infinite. Accuracy unknown.” The AI concluded, powering down the simulation.

 

           Tony let out a low groan. “That's the problem right there. Between the boosters and the gravity of the Sun, the velocity will be so great that space and time will become smeared together. Everything will distort, it’ll be unquantifiable.” He ran his hands through his hair, he could feel it sticking up in all directions. T’Challa looked at him, his eyes unreadable.

 

           “I know this is hard, Tony. But you have to come down on one side or the other. I need a decision.”

 

           Tony threw his hands out in frustration. “It's not a decision, it's a guess! It's like flipping a coin and asking me to decide whether it'll be heads or tails!” His chest heaved from the exertion of yelling.

 

           T'Challa continued to look at him evenly. “And?”

 

           Tony shrugged. He didn’t have a best guess. He just had to trust that Steve was right. That it would be worth it. “Heads.” He sighed.  “We've mined all Earth's fissile materials for this bomb. There's not gonna be another payload. The one we carry is our last chance. Our last best hope. Rogers's argument is sound. Two last hopes are better than one. That's it.” T’Challa nodded at him.

 

           “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision.” Tony offered a wan smile in return. Now it was all on him, this was his decision. He just hope he wouldn’t regret it. “I’ll go tell Barnes to chart our new course.” Tony nodded at him, and turned back to stare at his simulations.

 

           “Let’s run it one more time, FRIDAY.”

 

~

 

           Tony was sitting at the kitchen table, stirring a spoon listlessly in a bowl of cold soup. He was startled out of his thoughts by FRIDAY stating.

 

           “Slingshot complete. Avenger leaving Mercury orbit.”

 

           So it was done, Barnes had run the calculations and they were on their way. _No backing out now_ . He scrunched his eyes closed. _God how could anyone handle this sort of pressure?_ No wonder they had told Tony under no circumstances would he ever be the captain. This decision sat on his stomach and seemed to eat away at it. He glanced down at the soup and the congealed fat floating on the top and pushed the bowl away in disgust. He heard the sound of a throat clearing and looked up to see Wanda standing over him.

 

           “Hi, Tony.” She said shyly.

 

           “Hey Wanda, what’s up?” She glanced down at her hands, sleeves pulled up almost over the tops of her fingers and picked at one of the hems.

 

           “I just wanted...to thank you.” He looked at her in confusion. “For deciding to change course. We have enough O2 that the detour shouldn’t be any trouble. I understand Natasha’s reasoning but…” She bit her lip and Tony could tell she was fighting back tears. “But it’s been hell, these past 7 years. Not knowing what happened to Pietro, wondering how his crew could have possible failed their mission. Not knowing if he’s been alive and trapped out here the entire time or if…” She broke off with a choked sob, bringing a hand up to her mouth. Tony stood up and pulled her into a tight hug.

 

           “I’m so sorry you’ve been going through that, Wanda.” He rested his chin atop her head as she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his middle, crying softly. “You’re the bravest of all of us, you hear that? I’m glad I decided to change course too.” They lingered in the hug for a few moments before Wanda let go of Tony, stepping back and wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. Tony reached back and grabbed a napkin, gently dabbing below her other eye where her mascara had bled into her tears and formed a grey streak down her cheek. Suddenly, a high pitched sound whistled through the room.

 

           Tony and Wanda’s heads snapped up at the alarm and rushed to the flight deck. They arrived at the same time as T’Challa and Natasha. Natasha ran to the console to shut off the alarm as T’Challa questioned, “What's going on?”

 

           Barnes and Rogers stood around the projection table. Barnes was bent over at the waist, elbows resting on the tabletop and his head in his hands. Steve was standing next to him, rubbing his back. His voice shook.

 

           “I screwed up.”

 

           “It's not on you.” Steve snapped and glared around the group to see if anyone disagreed.

 

           T’Challa glanced between the two of them. “What is it, Barnes?” The navigator ground his knuckles into his eyes before roughly scrubbing his cheeks, straightening up, and pointing to the display above the table.

 

           “In order to change the route, l had to manually override FRIDAY. So I made all the calculations myself. And I double- and triple-checked them. They all worked out. So I set the new coordinates and put us on our way.” His face screwed up at he stared at the numbers on display for everyone. Tony’s eyes glanced at the numbers, trying to do his own mental calculations as he glanced through the projection at Barnes.

 

           “So, what's the problem? The trajectory is wrong?” Steve’s face twisted into a snarl as Barnes shook his head at Tony’s words.

 

           “No. The trajectory is good. But it changes our angle of approach to the Sun by 1.1 degrees.” As he said the final words he scrunched his eyes before dropping his head down as his shoulders sagged. He twisted under and out of Steve’s grasp and walked a few steps, eyes unreadable, worrying his lip.

 

           Bruce was the first one to understand what his silence implied.  “You didn't reset the panels to the new angle.” He looked pointedly at Barnes. Sam’s eyes widened and Wanda let out a gasp. Tony stared at him incredulously.

 

           “Jesus Christ, Barnes!”

 

           T’Challa was frowning at the projection while Natasha was quickly scrolling through readouts. Steve made an aborted move in his lover’s direction but stilled as the navigator’s entire body went tense.

 

           “I forgot. My head was full of velocities and fuel calculations and a million different...I fucked up, all right? People do shit. They get stressed.” He threw his hands up. “I just went on autopilot and fucked up. I fucked up!” His left arm snapped out in a swift jab that left a dent in the wall near him. At his outburst and the resulting BANG, everyone took a step back. He crumpled in on himself until his head was pressed into the wall and his shoulders shook.

          

           Wanda made a cautious move towards him. “Bucky?” He flinched from her outreached hand and stepped further away, his back to them and his left arm clutched across his chest.

 

           “The fact is, we're still alive. A hole hasn't burnt in the side of the ship. We don't have a 10,000-degree climate.” Steve snapped out finally, position his body between Barnes and the rest of the crew.

 

           T’Challa glanced between both of them before finally asking, “So, what's the actual damage?”

 

           Steve sighed “We don't know. FRIDAY tried to reset the shields independently when the alarm triggered. But all the sensors up there are burned out. So we have no idea of the state of the affected area.” He glanced from T’Challa to Natasha. “Only way we're gonna know is if we go out there.”

 

           Everyone glanced at each other. The only movement in the room was the quaking of Barnes’s shoulders. T’Challa exhaled slowly.

 

           “Okay. I'll get suited up.”

 

           “It's a two-man job,” countered Bruce. T’Challa conceded the point and then glanced at Steve.

 

           “As second in command, you're not going anywhere.” Steve’s lips curled and he squared his shoulders mulishly. He was about to speak until Barnes’s voice cut through the tension.

 

           “I volunteer.” He still refused to look at anyone, his head bowed.

 

           Tony glanced around. “No, I volunteer.”

 

           “Are you sure Tony?” Bruce inquired tentatively.

 

           “Sure. I'll do it. Easy peasy. We've done this a thousand times in Earth-orbit training. It’s simple enough that a trained monkey could do it.”

 

           Sam nodded as he glanced around the group. “Alright man, if you’re sure then let’s get you guys suited up. Easy fix and then we’re all ok.” He looked towards Barnes as he said this and their eyes met briefly. The other man shrugged and looked down at his left fist. Steve reached out at gave his shoulder a squeeze before turning and heading toward the airlock. T’Challa, Bruce, and Tony followed behind.

 

           The SHIELD, or Solar Hazard Insulation and Escort Device, was a bit different from the regular spacesuit typically worn by astronauts. These suits were gold, reinforced for extra radiation and Sun protection. The full face visor had been reduced to a small, tinted slit for the eyes. The suit weighed around 200 pounds. Tony gingerly stepped into the legs of his SHIELD and Bruce helped drag the heavy weight of the front of the suit up and over his arms. The bulky gloves were placed over his hands and he stood still as Bruce hefted the helmet over his head and locked it around his shoulders. Despite their best efforts, Tony knew that any longer than half an hour in full Sunlight would fry him inside his suit.

 

           Once he and T’Challa were both suited up, Steve and Bruce left the airlock and closed the inner door.

 

           Up on the flight deck, Natasha glanced around the console once more as they took their respective seats.

 

           “Okay, FRIDAY. I'll be taking control for a while.”

 

           “Okay, Nat.” Chirped the AI. Wanda glanced at Bucky, who still stood facing the wall with the indentation of his fist. Natasha’s eyes cut to his hunched figure briefly before look back down and beginning to press buttons.

 

           “I'm going to be cutting speed and rotate us so the damage is facing away from the Sun. Do we understand each other?” Her eyes cut reflexively to the upper corner where FRIDAY’s speaker was.

 

           “Yes, Nat.”

 

           Sam frowned and turned to Natasha as he looked at the blueprint of the ship. “Rotate by that much, and we’ll lose comm towers three and four.”

 

           “Well, it's a good thing we don't need them, then.” She bit back at him as she continued to slowly maneuver the ship.

 

               Sam shook his head at her. “We don't need them now, but they’d be damn useful going home.”

 

           Natasha gritted her teeth. “We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, I'm trying to give them as much shadow as I can.” She bit out forcefully, almost daring Sam to speak up again. When he just continued to frown, she turned away and went back to her controls, “All right, guys. I'm opening up the airlock. Stand back.”

          

           Tony and T’Challa moved away from the outer door as it opened, revealing the vast inky black. The sight never ceased to amaze Tony, even though he’d been on the ship for the last 16 months. Even as he and T’Challa suddenly became weightless, his mind flashed through all scenarios that could happen while they were out here at the mercy of space and only protected by the suits he had helped design. T’Challa’s voice over the comms interrupted his internal calculation as to how long it would take his body to drift to Mercury.

 

           “Okay. Helmet-cam operational.”

 

           “Affirmative. Good image.” Wanda’s voice crackled into his ears.

 

           “Tony, check.” Came her voice again after a prolonged pause. He gently shook his head, as if he could shake out the numbers like drops of water. He glanced at his own camera’s feed in his helmet.

 

           “Helmet-cam fully operational.”

 

           “Affirmative.”

 

           T’Challa curled his hand tighter around the handle of the air cart and pushed off with his feet against the edge of the airlock. “Exiting airlock with maintenance modules. Moving down to investigate damaged area.” He maneuvered out and around the outside of the ship, Tony following along as they ascended towards the massive array of solar panels.

 

           “Okay, guys. Nice and easy.” Natasha’s calm voice came over the comms again and Tony bit out a sarcastic “Copy.”

 

           “FRIDAY, please adjust shield to allow for rotation.” Natasha continued on as if Tony hadn’t spoken at all. The AI replied in the affirmative. “Establishing new alignment to Sun.”

 

           Everyone balked at the deep groan that reverberated through the ship as the panels shifted into place. Wanda and Nat both grabbed the station in front of them and Sam glanced around them fearfully. Bucky barely reacted, continuing to clutch his left arm as Steve and Bruce entered the flight deck.

 

           “What the hell?” Sam looked at Steve.

 

           “Temperature change on the shields. The metal's just contracting and expanding.” Steve replied, glancing at the screen.

 

           “I know what it is, Steve. It just sounds like she's tearing apart.” Sam retorted, crossing his arms and glaring at the display as it flashed red in spots.

 

           “Fatal damage to Comms Towers 3 and 4.” FRIDAY informed them. Both Nat and Wanda looked at Sam, who was stoic. Steve kept his eyes on the camera feeds for T’Challa and Tony. Bucky remained still as a statue.

 

           Nat gave another long look before snapping back into pilot mode. “Copy, FRIDAY. Shut down sensor to Comms Tower 3 and 4.” FRIDAY gave her affirmative and the display indicated the instructions being followed. Nat glanced at the display of the solar shield on the monitor.

 

           “There are four damaged panels. They're about 300 meters out.” She zoomed in on the image on the screen. Wanda meanwhile was keeping an eye on the vitals readout and spoke into her comm.

 

           “Tony, don’t forget to breathe evenly, you’re consuming too much O2.”

 

           “Sorry, having a Top Gun moment. Seriously though, this view.” Wanda smiled and Nat snickered.  It was a moment before T’Challa’s voice rang out.

 

           “Approaching the first panel.” A deep inhale. “We were lucky. Can you all see this?” Through his camera view, they could all witness the damage. Nat whistled and Steve rubbed at the stubble on his face.

 

           “We can see it.” Sam responded.

 

           “The hydraulics are burnt out.” Tony commented, floating next to T’Challa.

 

           “Noted. Let’s work on getting it fixed.”

 

           “Copy.” There was silence over the comms for several tense moments. Everyone aboard the ship collectively held their breaths.

 

           Tony and T’Challa were perched behind the first solar panel, the cart was attached by magnets to the ship itself. T’Challa and Tony worked in tandem, able to do even detailed work with the tools specially made to work with their cumbersome gloves. Finally, the sensor blinked on, quickly switching from red to green. T’Challa angled himself towards Tony, giving a thumbs up. Tony returned it with cheer.

 

           “That's it. That's the first one closed.” They could all hear the smile in T’Challa’s voice as he spoke. Natasha’s relieved voice spoke in Tony’s ear.

 

           “You can do it?”

 

           Tony gave a high chuckle. “lt'll take a while, but...Yeah. We can do it.”

 

           “Great job. Lots of smiling faces in this room, guys.”

 

           “Great job.” Sam’s voice chimed in.

 

           Tony held out his fist and T’Challa bumped it. Turning, they detached the cart and floated over. “Moving to next panel.” T’Challa intoned.

 

           “Three to go.” Wanda glanced at Bucky, who was still leaning against the wall, his head bent, still not meeting anyone’s eyes. Sam followed her gaze and stared at Bucky until the brunet glanced up.

 

           “Hey. It’s gonna be ok. We got this, okay?” Bucky blinked at him but gave the barest of nods. Sam smiled in return.

 

           Out on the panels, Tony and T’Challa were in the middle of working when suddenly everything lurched. Both scrambled to get a hand hold as the ship began rotating. Tony gripped hard on the cart handle while T’Challa shouted. “What's going on, guys?”

 

           Inside, everyone was on alert. Natasha was glancing furiously around the displays. “The ship's moving.”

 

           Steve stood up and rushed over to look out of one of the port holes. “We're venting O2!”

 

           The ship continued to move as FRIDAY’s calm voice sounded in all their ears. “Resuming computer control of Avenger.”

 

           Nat shook her head. “Negative, FRIDAY. Manual control.”

 

           “Negative, Nat. Computer control. Returning vessel to original rotation.”

 

           Nat hovered her hands over the controls. “What? FRIDAY, override computer to manual control.”

 

           “Negative. Mission in jeopardy. Override command statement to manual flight controls removed.” Everyone glanced at one another in alarm.

 

           “Why?” Sam asked as Steve looked back to T’Challa and Tony’s feeds.

 

           Nat was shaking her head, her voice firm and low. “Negative, FRIDAY. Negative. State reason immediately.”

 

           “Fire in oxygen garden.” The AI’s calm tone belied the devastating news.

 

           “No.” Wanda gasped out, jumping up and dashing out of the deck and down the hall.

 

           “Wanda-” Sam jumped to follow her but Steve grabbed his arm, shaking his head. Natasha appeared deadly calm. “Seal oxygen feed. Fireguard perimeter.”

 

           “Sealing sector. Sealing feed.” Came the dutiful reply.

 

           Nat’s eyes flicked to the blueprint. “Seal sections five through nine.”

 

           “Sealing five through nine.”

 

           Nat glanced sideways, meeting Steve’s eyes. Steve nodded, “T’Challa, Tony, get back to the airlock now.” He commanded. Bucky had slid down the wall. He was crouching now, his forehead pressed to the cool metal, his whole body curled in on itself, left arm held tightly across his chest.

 

           Tony had already begun moving, finger above the magnet release button when he realized that T’Challa hadn’t stopped. The captain barely moved from his  position and he worked to finish up the second of the panels.

 

           “Can't. Can't leave upright panels. The ship will burn up if the shields are not repaired.” He finished with a final flick of his tool and motioned for Tony to release the cart. Tony pressed the release and T’Challa grabbed the handle and moved to the third panel.

 

           Inside the cockpit it was like time was frozen. Nat was glaring at the readouts, as if she could change them by force of will alone. Sam had joined her, flicking through options on the oxygen garden. Bruce glanced around helplessly. Steve was silent, his brow furrowed.

 

           “They're gonna die.” Bucky moaned, bringing his hands up to his face to cover his eyes.

 

           “Don't.” Nat bit out tersely, barely glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

 

           Bucky rocked backwards and then heavily forward, banging his head. “They're gonna burn.” He breathed out.

 

           Nat gritted her teeth. “They. Are. Not. Override, FRIDAY. Natasha, pilot emergency command 0-0-0.”

 

           “Copy command 0-0-0. Second human confirmation required.”

 

           “Copy, Steve?”

 

           But Steve was silent, his face unreadable, staring over the camera feeds from the SHIELD suits.

 

           “Sam!” Nat commanded, startling him.

 

           “Sam, comms officer, confirm back-up o-o-o.”

 

           “Override command confirmed. Manual control returned.”

 

           “No. FRIDAY, continue procedure.” T’Challa’s voice was even as it came over the comms.

 

           Outside, Tony nearly dropped his tool in surprise as he sputtered. “What?”

 

           “Crew priority is to protect the payload. Get the fire out. FRIDAY, take control of the ship.” T’Challa continued, his movements fluid and unhurried. Tony felt his heart drop in his stomach as he continued working. They still had plenty of time, he could do this.

 

           “Affirmative, captain.” For an irrational moment, Tony hated the AI. How calm her voice was, how artificially soothing. Which seemed a bit crazy, seeing as how he had programmed her specifically to sound that way. Outlandish Irish lilt and everything. He had wanted her to be different from JARVIS, from that smooth English voice that had managed to somehow sound world weary. But now, he wished she could at least sound contrite.

 

           “Returning vessel to original rotation.”

 

           Tony could hear Wanda swearing over the comms, demanding to be allowed into the garden. If he had time, he knew his heart would break for her. Wanda’s plants were like her children, she had cultivated them for nearly 2 years, given them names. He remembered hearing her singing to them softly in Sokovian. As he and T’Challa worked to finish the third panel, he heard FRIDAY deny Wanda access.

 

           “Please, FRIDAY, please.”

 

           “Hazard diagnostic complete. Sprinkler system failing. Fire will burn for six hours. Sixty percent chance of containment failure. Seventy-five percent chance of collateral damage to life-support systems.”

 

           Wanda started sobbing. Tony shut down all outside noise. He couldn’t lose focus, not now. Not when Wanda’s sobbing reminded him so much of Pepper’s sobbing during their last call-No! Can’t think about that now. _Must finish the job._ Narrowing his focus down, Tony let the sound of his own breathing drown out everything else.

 

           Bruce sucked in a long breath at FRIDAY’s decree. “What are we gonna do?” Nat’s glare had turned so icy it was impossible to look at her.

 

           “Flood it with O2.” Came Steve’s flinty reply. Sam furrowed his brow in confusion and Nat turned to stare at Steve incredulously.

 

           “What?”

 

           “It'll cause a flashover. Make it burn itself out.” Steve’s eyes were still rigidly fixed on T’Challa’s camera feed.

 

           “We'll lose the whole garden!” Sam cried out in disbelief.

 

           Nat’s eyes didn’t move from Steve’s face. “We already lost it.”

 

           Sam glanced between the two of them, his eyes wide. “Jesus, Steve, Nat, I don't know.” He glanced at Bruce and threw his arms out. Bruce shrugged, shakily running a hand through his hair.

 

           “FRIDAY, open the O2 tanks. Wanda, get the hell out of there.”

 

           “Opening O2 tanks.”

 

           “No.” Wanda’s voice was barely above a whisper. “No, please.” Sam slumped forward over the console. Steve and Nat were grim and silent. Bruce ran from the room, Sam could only hope it was to go to Wanda. Barnes had stopped moving and was staring blankly at the wall. Sam didn’t blame him.

 

           “Eighty-nine percent of shield in full Sunlight.” The AI chirped.

 

           Tony was furiously working, attempting to do as much as possible, they weren’t even half-way through the work on the last panel. He wasn’t thinking about the loss of the oxygen garden, the sobbing from Wanda, couldn’t think about them.

 

           “Tony, go back. I'll finish this.” That was enough to wrench Tony out of his concentration. He looked towards T’Challa, gaping.

 

           “Please, I can do this. Go.”

 

           “Not an option.”

 

           “That’s an order Tony. Go.” Fuck it, Tony would mutiny. This wasn’t going to happen.

 

           “Tony, we need you. No one else can operate that bomb. Please, follow orders.” Nat’s voice was almost soft as she spoke. Tony wanted to scream, wanted to throw his tools, wanted to punch something, anything.

 

           “Tony.” Steve’s voice over the comms finally broke him. He viciously threw his tool down and unlocked the cart from the ship, pushing off with a final look towards T’Challa. His throat was tight and he could feel the heat of tears in his eyes.

 

           “Tony returning to airlock. Do you copy? Tony returning to airlock. Do you copy?”

 

           “Copy, Tony. Hurry.” Tony blinked the tears from his eyes. He floated towards  the edge of the shield.

 

           “Ninety-one percent of shield in full Sunlight. Ninety-four percent of shield in full Sunlight.”

 

           “T’Challa? Captain?”

 

           “I'm at the edge of the shield. Do you copy?” Tony spat out, pulling himself around and behind the shield.

 

           “T’Challa, you have to move now!”

 

           “Ninety-seven percent of shield in full Sunlight. Final panel closing.”

 

           “The shield is secure. You have to move now. It's right on you!” Natasha commanded.

 

           “It's too far.” T’Challa’s voice was serene.

 

           “Captain, move!” Natasha cried again.

 

           Followed by Sam’s own shout of “T’Challa!”

 

           Tony thought he heard Bruce whispering, “What is it like?” But that couldn’t be right.

 

           “ _Bruce_ , tell our captain to move!” Tony shouted, helplessly, “ _Bruce_ , do you copy?”

 

           But Bruce didn’t speak again and Tony could feel the ship shuddering to a stop, the solar shield now in full Sunlight. He pushed off and headed back to the airlock. He couldn’t figure out what to do.

 

           “Shield rotation complete.” FRIDAY’s decree was met by absolute silence.

 

~

 

           Tony felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. After Natasha had helped him out of the SHIELD, she had fled to the flight deck to run simulations, as if she could somehow come up with the variables that had led to this catastrophe. Bruce and Sam had taken Barnes to the infirmary, while Steve, as acting captain, had left to see the damage to the oxygen garden.

 

           Everyone had heard Wanda in her room, so no one except Steve had interrupted her. Which had left Tony alone. He had inventoried all tools for the Sun shield, making sure to replace what T’Challa had been holding on to when he, when the Sun...when he had finished his duty. And they were fucked. Royally, irrefutably fucked. T’Challa never should have ordered him to go, Tony shouldn’t have listened, should have just done what he knew was right. Except, the only reason they were even changing course was because Tony had known it was the right thing to do. It was right! Except now all he could think was about the what ifs. What if they hadn’t? What if Barnes had quadruple checked the steps? What if they’d never heard the distress signal? And then he had spiraled into the worst case scenarios. What if whatever happened to the Valkyrie had rendered it completely useless? What if everyone on board were dead? What if the payload wasn’t operational? What if Tony’s decision was going to result in everyone dying? What if his choice meant Pepper was doomed? That Earth was doomed? He should never have forced his way onto this mission. But he had known he was the right man for the job, the only man.

 

           “I need everyone in the kitchen.” Came Steve’s voice over the comms. Tony felt his stomach roll. He made his way down the empty corridor and briefly wondered if everyone was already there, only to see Wanda exiting from Natasha’s room. Tony kept his eyes forward, knowing that there was no way he could look her in the eye right now. Not when she had lost everything she had worked for because of his decision. When they entered, Sam and Natasha looked up from their seats at the table. Sam looked exhausted and Natasha had drawn back behind her walls; she was all Russian pragmatism and stoicism. Bruce was pouring himself hot water, his hair more mussed than Tony had ever seen, and Bruce pushed his glasses up to rub at his eyes. Steve was standing near the head of the table, his arms crossed, his tablet on the table in front of him. Wanda slid into a chair, bringing her right foot up to rest on the seat, curling her arms around her shin and glancing at them all through the curtain of her hair. Barnes wasn’t there. Tony flung himself down into the seat farthest away from any of them, his movements and broad and obnoxious as possible to disrupt the silence that still hung over them, heavy and cold. Steve met everyone’s eyes in turn, looking older and more worn than Tony had ever seen, before taking in a deep breath.

 

           “The breakdown is as follows. As second in command, l am now the captain of Avenger. Thanks both to T’Challa and Tony, our shields are intact. As is the payload. But the oxygen garden is totally destroyed. In addition, a large amount of O2 was burned in the fire. As it stands now...we don't have enough oxygen reserves to get us to our payload delivery point. Let alone to survive the return journey.”

 

           “Where’s Barnes?” Tony looked directly at Steve.

 

           “The infirmary. He’s...sedated for now.” The furrows between Steve’s brows deepened. “Priority one is what to do about our O2.”

 

           “Easy, reroute.” Tony glanced around but no one met his eyes. Bruce walked over to the table, handing Wanda a steaming cup of tea while placing his own down so that he sat next to Tony. “Right? We’ll just cancel this rescue op, return to our original route, maybe use the SHIELD oxygen tanks. Then swing for Valkyrie on our way back. Hopefully they’ll at least have something-”

 

           “No.” Tony’s jaw snapped shut at Steve’s firm tone. The blond was shaking his head. “We now have no choice but to rendezvous with Valkyrie. If we're gonna complete the mission… the Valkyrie is our only hope.” When Tony opened his mouth Steve continued. “We don’t have enough O2 no matter what reroute we would make. The only way we’ll have enough oxygen is the garden on Valkyrie and whatever other supplies they have.”

 

           "Technically, you’re wrong.”

 

           Steve’s eyes narrowed at Nat’s proclamation. “What are you trying to say, Nat?”

 

           “You said there's not enough oxygen to get us to the delivery point. But there is. There just isn't enough oxygen to get all of us there.” She blinked at him.

 

            “Are you suggesting someone commit suicide?”

 

           “No.” Nat leaned back nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just suggested decreasing their number.  “Or rather, one wouldn't be enough. We’d need to lose 3 oxygen breathers. Three out of seven.” She glanced around and Tony felt like her eyes had lingered on him.

 

           “Oh, so we just make a lottery? Winning number gets to live, losers take a bunch of pills? Slit their wrists? Go out the airlock?” He bit out at her. She shrugged.

 

           “I’m just telling you that there are options.”

 

           “Not happening. We’re not trading lives. We can still succeed, we just need the Valkyrie.” Steve said firmly. “And I don’t want to hear that suggestion again. Bruce, Tony, Sam, get changed and grab whatever you need for boarding Valkyrie. I don’t know what we’re going to find in there, but we need to be prepared. Nat, you’re staying on the flight deck to oversee with Wanda as your second. Wanda, you also have to keep a watch on the infirmary. When Bucky wakes up, make sure he makes his way to the flight deck with you guys. I don’t want him unsupervised.” He waited for a moment. “Crew, dismissed.”

 

~

 

           Steve sat in the infirmary, holding Bucky’s limp hand. After T’Challa’s camera feed had cut out Bucky had collapsed in on himself like a ragdoll and when they had tried to rouse him he had simply stared at them blankly, so robotic it had been scary. In their rush and their stress, they had all forgotten about Bucky’s problem. It was on Steve, he should have known that the stress of the situation would trigger Bucky. He should have been with him, not helping Bruce taken inventory and figure out what they could spare for the Valkyrie. And Steve knew everyone was thinking that he had left Bucky alone and in his stress, their navigator had forgotten to change the angle of the solar panels. And he couldn’t argue that it hadn’t. He clasped Bucky’s hand between his and bent over as if in prayer, bringing Bucky’s hand to his forehead. It was so cold.

 

           “What else can I do Buck? I’m resting all my hope on the Valkyrie. If this doesn’t work I’ll...I just need you to wake up, ok?I love you.” He stared at Bucky’s face, wishing he could just look into those beautiful grey eyes, feel the warmth that Bucky radiated from his very core, before he had to brave the unknown.

 

           “Steve, we’re almost ready.” Nat’s voice startled him. “You should get down here.”

 

           Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s fingers before tucking the brunet’s hand back by his side and strode from the room. He met Bruce, Tony, and Sam in the air lock antechamber. They all had on their backpacks, and Tony was also carrying one of the toolkits. When Steve entered, Tony handed him a flashlight. Sam passed out face masks from the infirmary. At Tony’s raised eyebrow Sam shrugged.

 

           “We have no idea what we’re walking into. There could be pathogens, better to be safe than sorry. As far as we know they’ve had 7 years of unknown ailments.” Steve put his mask on, earpiece in, and clipped a small, portable camera onto the neck of his shirt, just like the others.

 

           “Sam’s right. Masks on.” Tony and Bruce pulled theirs on.

 

           “Ok guys, everything looks good.” Wanda’s voice was hopeful.

 

           “Opening airlock.” Steve lead the way, opening Valkyrie’s airlock . He had to blink several times as the light from Avenger filtered into Valkyrie, illuminating the disturbed dust cloud in the other ship.

 

           Steve raised his hand, feeling for the pad inside of the other airlock for the lights. “Nat, are you getting this on the feed?”

 

           “Getting what?”

 

           Sam strode forward, turning on his flashlight and scanning the walls. “The air. It's full of dust.” He raised his eyebrow at Steve. Thank goodness for the masks. Steve nodded in return.

 

           “Human skin.” Bruce’s voice seemed to echo down the dark corridor leading from the Valkyrie’s airlock.

 

           “What?” Tony balked, stumbling a bit.

 

           “People used to think eighty percent of all dust was human skin. That’s not true, I mean a percentage is; but there’s other stuff like animal dander, sand, insect waste, dirt, kitchen stuff like flour. But, you know, still some human skin.” Bruce shrugged as Tony shivered and wiped down his arms and legs. Sam snorted while Steve had opened the hatch next to the lights. No power.

 

           “No lights?” Nat asked them over their comms.

 

           “No.” Replied Sam, shining his flashlight down the corridor.

 

           “No surprise. We assumed they may have had some sort of power failure from the distress beacon. Flashlights on and we keep moving.”

 

           “Anyone afraid of the dark?” Tony quipped as he clicked his light on, holding it under his chin and smirking. Bruce sighed and clicked his own flashlight, moving in front of Tony to stand with Sam.

 

           “We should split up.” Steve said after a moment.

 

           “I'm not sure that's such a good idea.” Sam countered, sounding nervous.

 

           “Yeah, probably right. Might get picked off one at a time by aliens.” Tony snarked.

 

           Steve turned to frown at Tony. “Valkyrie is a big ship. We can't search it effectively in one group. I’ll head up for the flight deck, see if I can't get her back up and running. Bruce, check the social area, sleeping quarters, and the infirmary. Tony, aim for the payload. Sam, check the garden. Let's keep in contact, guys.” The four men split up, heading off to the different sections of the ships.

 

           Steve made his way to the flight deck, moving carefully. The entire ship was so dark and covered in dust that it was nerve wracking. He felt like all he could hear were his own footfalls, his breathing, even his heartbeat. He was so used to the background noise of a running ship that the near silence of Valkyrie was frightening. When he reached the flight deck he again tried the power, no luck. He opened the panel under console to check if he could find any clue as to why the ship had stopped moving. He found no issues in any of the hardware. He plugged in the diagnostics tool to the console and ran every test he could. Everything seemed like it should work fine. He was going to have to get to the mainframe room and see what he could do to fix whatever power issue they were having. As he stood Sam’s voice came from the comms, excitement obvious.

 

           “Listen up, everybody. You gotta see this. Seven years of unchecked growth. Can you see this? lt's an ecosystem working beautifully after all this time. You seeing this readout, O2, everybody. It's wonderful.”

 

           Steve sighed out happily. Finally some good news.

 

           “Oh my god.” Wanda sounded awestruck. Steve wished he could see the camera feed.

 

           “Wanda, look at the ferns.”

 

           “It’s beautiful.”.

 

           Sam laughed a bit. “You can hardly walk, it's so thick.”

 

           Steve hated to interrupt their moment. “It's strange. Subsystems are fine. Solar harvest is fine. The ship should be running except I'm getting nothing from the flight computer. Got water. Food. No crew. No bodies.”

 

           “I’ve found a recording.” Bruce’s voice had an odd note to it.

 

           “Play it.”

 

           “l am Johann Schmidt. Commander of the Valkyrie. We have abandoned our mission. All our science...all our hopes...our dreams, are foolish. The Sun is not meant for all, but only for those who are worthy of His gifts. Gifts that we have been ungrateful for, have scorned. You see, great power has always baffled primitive men. But no more. Quite simply, I have been given the power of our God. And He has judged humanity unworthy of receiving the same gift.”

 

           “Okay, that make sense to anyone? Cause it sounded like he was cat pee crazy.” Tony’s voice broke through Steve’s bafflement as he continued walking down the hall to the mainframe room.

 

           “Recording date is six and a half years ago. That would be after they entered the non-comm zone. That should be the time they were supposed to deliver the payload.” Bruce said quietly. Steve was about to speak when he thought he heard a noise behind him. Jumping he made an abrupt about-face, flinging his flashlight up. The light shone down the quiet corridor, bouncing off the reflective surface. He faced the direction he had been heading, pointing his flashlight down that way. Nothing. Had he imagined it? He turned back around, just to glance again before allowing his arm to relax, the beam of light falling. Wait. Steve stopped and crouched down. Were those footprints in the dust? He used the beam to follow where they came from. The flight deck. Steve snorted. His footprints. He was jumping at his own shadow. He resumed his trek.

 

           “Payload is fully operational.” Steve felt his heart leap into his throat at Tony’s proclamation.

 

           “Say again, Tony?” Nat queried.

 

           “The payload is fully operational. It's A-okay.” Tony replied elatedly. Steve could feel tension leak out of his body. This hadn’t been a fool’s errand. He hadn’t condemned everyone to die with his argument to rescue Valkyrie. He walked into the mainframe room with a lighter step, confident that he could get it up and running and they could continue their mission. And then his heart dropped at what he saw, like a boulder slamming on his shoulders; he crumpled down.

 

           “That's great news. Looks like we got what we came for.” Sam’s hopeful voice crashed down on Steve like another heavy wave. He’d failed them. He’d failed everyone. He wanted to sink through the floor and disappear. But he couldn’t.

 

           “No, we don't.” His voice was flat as he tried to temper the ice that was flowing through is veins.

 

           “Go ahead, Steve?”

 

           He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath before he handed them their death sentence. “I know what caused the distress signal. There's a massive coolant failure of some kind. Almost every mainframe is out of the tanks. The only thing left operational is the reserves of the emergency power. That’ll only be enough to operate the doors and air circulation. But the bottom line is…” His voice choked off. “It doesn't matter that Tony has his payload. Without these mainframes, we can't fly. lt's been sabotaged.” The silence from his crew was deafening. But this couldn’t be it, could it? He rose quickly, flinging open the panel that held the coolant tank toolkit.

 

           “We should never have gone off the mission.” Tony’s voice was sharp as a razor. Steve could hear the guilt behind it. He knew that Tony had been the one to ultimately make the decision to alter course and wondered exactly how much Tony blamed on himself, or on Steve.

 

           “I found the crew. Or at least, most of them.” Sam’s voice sounded strange.

 

           “Where?” Steve hefted the kit and exited the mainframe room. “Where’s your location?”

 

           “Sun room.” Steve had to turn quickly but he changed his path. Striding as fast as possible to get to Sam. He arrived at the same time as Tony, and he averted his eyes. He noticed that Tony was also avoiding looking at him. He understood why. Sam was standing at the Sun entrance, the door open. Steve followed his gaze and saw them. Bodies, or what was left of them, bundled on and around the bench. There was the faintest smell of ash.

 

           “They burned themselves.” Breathed Bruce, coming up to stand next to them. Staring in horror and fascination at the sight in front of them. Steve began counting, he could see at least 2, 3, 4…

 

           “No shit.” Tony snapped; Steve noted that he must have discarded his mask somewhere, as Tony strode into the room to glance around. The other three cautiously followed him inside. Bruce bending down over one of the forms to get a closer inspection, Sam at his side. Steve was still counting. Double checking the numbers in his head.

 

           “I think the observation filter is fully open. If we weren't behind the screen of Avenger, we'd join them. Ashes to ashes. Stardust to stardust.” Tony rambled as he examined the controls.

 

           “Is Pietro there?” Came Wanda’s voice, shaky. Steve glanced at Sam and Bruce before gingerly walking to the closest figure. It was impossible to discern any features, the skin and clothing were blackened and dry. Steve’s mind idly thought of Dum Dum’s homemade jerky and he had to force down the sudden need to vomit. He bent closer, trying to discern the name tag on the clothing. _Pym_ . Poor Hope. Looking back around, he realized this figure was a little shorter than the others. He turned to the next figure and felt a stab in his heart. _Hill_.

 

           “He’s here.” Bruce’s voice was certain and soft, rising from his crouch next to the crumpled form of Wanda’s twin.

 

           “Bozhe moi.” Natasha muttered under her breath as they all heard Wanda’s sob.

 

           “We’ll give them all a proper send off, ok?” Tony said quietly as Steve moved to the largest figure, biting his lip at the _Odinson_ nametag. The only other crew members he had to check would be-Steve felt the ground lurch from under him and he stumbled forward, almost trodding on Thor’s remains. He righted himself and turned to look at the rest of his crew. Bruce was helping Tony up, who had fallen where he was checking the Sun room door pad. Sam was brushing himself off violently.

 

           “Stabilizers! FRIDAY, stabilizers!” Nat’s voice cut through their comms, alarmed.

 

           “What was that?” Tony asked, rubbing at his head where he had banged it on the wall. Bruce and Sam both turned to look at Steve.

 

           “Guys, get back to the airlock, now. We have a major incident. We are floating free from you. Repeat, we are floating free. All crew back to the airlock.” Steve wondered if at some point, Murphy had actually cursed him.

 

           “Nat, what happened?”

 

           “The airlock has decoupled. We don't know why. You have to get back to the airlock.” All four men jumped into action, filing out of the Valkyrie’s Sun room and hurrying down the hallways. When they reached the airlock, Steve felt like he had been punched in the gut. Tony shouted expletives, banging his fist against a wall. Bruce had gone completely still.

 

           “Guys, report.” Nat commanded.

 

           “The locking system on Valkyrie is totally ripped open.” Sam replied in disbelief.

 

           “I can hold our position but we aren't gonna be able to dock again. There's another thing, guys. You've got a breach, I can see it. You're losing atmosphere.”

 

           “We're screwed.” Bruce’s voice lilted at the end, sounding hysterical. His eyes were wide open, the whites visible all around. He began to tear at his hair. Sam was staring out the window at Avenger miserably. Tony had begun tearing at whatever he could reach, pulling away the dusty cover of a SHIELD.

 

           “No, we're not. One of us isn't, anyway.” Steve hurried over to the SHIELD, pulling it down from it’s straps. “Tony, you’re taking this.”

 

           Everyone looked at him. Sam’s eyes narrowed for a moment but then he was nodding and moving over to help. Bruce’s wide eyes glared at Steve.

 

           “Why Tony?” His voice had gone strangely low and guttural and his nostrils flared.

 

           Sam barely spared a glance at Bruce as he wiped off the suit. “The rest of us are lower priority.” He motioned for Tony to step into the SHIELD, which the other man did. Bruce’s eyes narrowed and flared his nostrils again.

 

           “Explain.”

 

           “Tony's code is required to trigger the payload. There is no other choice.”

 

           “No. We have other choices. Stop what you’re doing.” Bruce lowered his head, looking like a bull about to charge. Steve slowly moved to stand in front of Tony and Sam, his hands raised in surrender.

 

           “Hey, big guy. It’s all good. Once I'm onboard Avenger I’ll that I'll do everything I can to-” Tony began, his tone placating.

 

           “To what?! Shuttle back with more suits? The airlock is ripped in half. Once we break that seal, how are we gonna re-pressurize? We can’t! Get out of the SHIELD.” Bruce finished his yell and began panting, tearing his mask off his face as his shoulders heaved.

 

           “Bruce…” Steve carefully made his way toward the other man. He kept his eyes trained forward, trusting Sam at his back to continue the work.

 

           “You’re killing us if you leave us! You can’t just leave! YOU CAN’T!” Steve had been moving closer to Bruce during the man’s rant and on Bruce’s final word he lunged at Steve. He slammed into him with such force that Steve found himself on his back, staring up at Bruce’s hulking figure. Sam and Tony had momentarily paused in their work, both too afraid to keep moving. When Bruce’s eyes strayed to them, Steve lashed out with a kick, swiping out Bruce’s legs from under him. When Bruce fell, Steve jumped on him, pulling the other man into a loose sleeper hold. Bruce struck out blindly, fists falling ineffectively on Steve’s forearm, one swung very close to his head but he kept his hold.

 

           “Bruce. We’re going to make a plan but I need you to calm down.” Steve kept his voice calm as possible, looking at Tony and Sam who had begun their movements again. Bruce panted heavily and seemed to be bracing himself to heave Steve up.

 

           “Nat!” Steve cried out desperately.

 

           “Bruce, hey, it’s ok. We’re trying to figure out a solution but we need you. We need you to calm down and help us work this out.” Nat’s voice was soothing and entreating, and Tony nodded along with her.

 

           “Yeah Bruce, we’re gonna make it, alright? We just need to use our noggins.” Tony made his own plea, his hand motions constricted by the bulky SHIELD. Steve felt Bruce relaxing in his grip, his shoulders slumping. Steve loosened his hold further, so that now he was mainly supporting Bruce. Bruce heaved slower, his pants shallower, as he seemed to regain control of himself. He tapped Steve’s arm that was wrapped around his chest.

 

           “I’m ok. It’s ok. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Steve gently let go, bring his arm back but rubbing Bruce’s shoulders quickly. Bruce readjusted his glasses.

 

           “It’s fine, we understand. We need to work together to get through this.” He reassured the other man, giving his shoulder a final pat before striding back to Sam and Tony. “Nat?”

 

           “We’re glad to have you back Bruce.” Her voice was kind. “Go, Cap.”

 

           “Listen. We can't depressurize when we open the airlock. So the force of the gas is gonna fire him out, right?” He met Tony’s eyes and gave a nod which the shorter man returned.

 

           “Right.”

 

           “lf you open your airlock and we line it up right, he'll fire inside. And so will we.” Sam raised his eyebrow but Steve had already moved towards the wall, tearing away the outer layer to the insulation underneath. He pulled it out carefully, making sure to keep it intact. Sam and Bruce both caught on quickly and moved to rip out layers of insulation themselves. Tony was nodding along, his eyes moving distractedly around.

 

           “Without suits?” Nat sounded incredulous.

 

           “Making lemonade from lemons and whatnot. Get as close as you can.” Tony frowned. “We'll have 20 meters to cover. At minus 273 degrees Celsius.”

 

           Steve had finished pulling out insulation and was throwing open his toolkit to grab for duct tape. “It's gonna be cold. But we'll make it. Anyone got any better ideas?”The men stared at each other in silence.

 

           “Copy that.” Nat replied primly. Steve held up insulation and was trying to figure out exactly HOW to wrap them up when he realized Sam had stopped moving and was staring at the Airlock panel. When he felt Steve’s eyes on him, he turned to face him.

 

           “Steve. One problem. The computer's down. One of us has to manually operate the seal.” Steve opened his mouth but Sam cut him off. “ From inside.” Oh. that couldn’t be...but Sam was right.

 

           “You're right. So, whatever happens, one of us is staying behind.” He sucked in a breath, feeling like he was a hundred years old. It felt like every time they thought they’d found a solution, another threat loomed over them.

 

           “I’ll do it. It’s fine, it can be me.” Bruce spoke quickly, eyes darting around, looking but not meeting any of the other men’s eyes.

 

           “No, Bruce. It's me.” Sam spoke with grim determination. He walked up to Steve and began wrapping insulation around him. “I’m a comms officer for a ship that doesn’t have comms. So I’m staying. With you, Tony, Steve, Nat, Wanda, and Barnes, you’ll find a way to finish this.” He pulled a strip of duct tape, ripping it with his teeth, then taping around Steve’s waist.

 

           “Sam…” Steve’s heart was in his throat. He caught the other man’s eyes, hoping that Sam understood everything he was trying to convey. Sam smiled wanly at him and patted his head.

 

           “It’s alright Steve. It’s my decision. Our priority is to get that payload to the Sun. I’m counting on you to do that. You got me? My nieces and nephews are gonna be able to play on a real beach some day, I promised them. And now I’m making you keep that promise. Ok?”

 

           Steve grasped Sam’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “It’ll be my honor.” Sam nodded at that and then handed Steve a strip of tape and the end of the insulation. When Steve took them, Sam made his way over to Bruce and began wrapping him up the same way. Taping around his waist and helping him throw another layer over his shoulders.

 

           Tony reached a hand out but aborted the gesture. “Thanks, Sam.” Sam walked up to Tony, lifting the helmet of the SHIELD up and putting it over his head and locking it in place.

 

           “You got this Tony.” He tapped on the helmet and then grabbed another piece of insulation as Steve and Bruce stood on either side of Tony. Sam wrapped each with a larger piece of insulation.

 

           “Steve, we're lined up. Everything's set.” Nat’s voice was quiet as she spoke.

 

           “Confirmed.” Steve said, pulling the insulation as much around him as he could and angling his body to Tony, so he could keep his head covered. “Bruce, are you ready?”

 

           “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

           “Duck your head into the insulation and hold on tight to Tony, alright?”

 

           “Right.”

 

           “Ok guys, we only got one shot at this.” Steve said loudly, sending all his hopes and prayers out to whoever could be listening. Just let them make it.

 

           “Nat.” Sam’s voice sounded far away, as he moved to stand near the release for the airlock.

 

           “Everyone ready?”

 

           Steve drew in a calming breath. “Ready.”

 

           “Bruce, keep your eyes shut and exhale slowly. We can do this. Ready.”

 

           “Copy. Let's do it. Ready.” Steve braced himself, ducking his head down as close to Tony’s shoulder as possible, pulling the insulation up to cover his face and squeezing his eyes shut. He felt Tony’s hand clamping down as much as he could on Steve’s arm. He knew Tony was doing the same with Bruce.

 

           “Airlock, open!” Sam shouted and then they were jettisoned out of the ship. Steve tried to control his breath out but he felt sucker punched. His limbs loosened against his will and he felt Tony jerking to hold onto him. So cold, so numb, it felt like they were flying forever, as if time had stopped for a second. And then he felt a jolt as Tony or Bruce must have hit something, and then he was being pushed and he reached out, trying to grab anything. His hand brushed against what he thought was a handle, so he clamped down and pulled his body in around it. He had to conserve his energy.

 

~

 

           Tony had stared out of the narrow slit of the SHIELD helmet, his eyes locked on Avenger’s airlock. As they had been propelled out into the void of space, he was shocked at how fast it all seemed to go. One minute they were barely out and the next second the side of the Avenger’s airlock was right in front of him. Before he could do anything all three of them collided with the edge of the airlock. It hit right where Bruce was clutched to Tony and the force was enough to jerk Bruce out of Tony’s grip. No! Not Bruce! Tony could barely think, couldn’t react fast enough. He shoved Steve into the airlock and turned to find Bruce, floating a bit backwards as he turned. As soon as he and Steve were inside the airlock, FRIDAY began speaking.

 

           “Crew detected in airlock. Recommend sealing outer airlock door.”

 

 _No, NO! This can’t be happening_. “Wait! Wait! l lost Bruce!” He glanced around the rim of the airlock frantically.  “I lost Bruce!” His eyes caught on a figure drifting near one of the comms towers, arms thrown out. “He's…” But Tony couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t admit. There was no way to reach him in time without Tony being unable to get back to the airlock.

 

           “Crew detected in airlock. Sealing outer airlock door.” Tony blinked, his vision watery as the doors closed. He’d killed Bruce. He’d killed Sam. He’d killed them all. He couldn’t breathe. Distantly he heard Wanda comforting Steve as he gasped in agony. Bruce was...gone. Just...there one minute and slipped away in a second. His heart felt like it was going into overdrive, he could hear it in his ears, could feel it in his brain, his neck. His heart was trying to slam it’s way out of his chest. He remembered how it had felt during his heart attack. The feeling of overwhelming pressure on the left side of his chest, how odd his heartbeat had sounded, how hard it was to breathe. He couldn’t breathe.

 

           “Tony?” Natasha’s voice filtered through the loud thrum of his heart, the heavy pants of breath in his ears. “I need you to breathe Tony. In one, two, three, four. Now out, two, three four.” He followed the sound of her voice, trying to force air into his chest. As he counted his breaths in and out, he could hear his heart slow down, no longer feeling like it was trying to burst out of his chest.

 

           “You with me, Tony?” She asked once his breaths had come easier.

 

           “Yeah. I’m here.” He felt so tired, everything was crashing down around him.

 

           “Let's get you out of here. You need to lie down for a while. Don’t think about anything but sleep.” That sounded like the best plan Tony had ever heard and he allowed Nat to pull him up, somehow he had gotten out of the SHIELD, how had that happened? But it didn’t matter, all that matter was her at his side, leading him to his bed and hopefully, the oblivion of sleep.

 

~

 

           Steve watched Nat help Tony out of the room, his body limp. Steve was rubbing his hands together, still trying to get all the feeling back in them as possible. Wanda was rubbing his shoulders, having helped him remove the insulation from around his body. It had worked, their crazy, stupid idea had worked. But not for everyone. Steve could feel the pain of losing Bruce threatening to drown him. He had to tamp it down.

 

           “We still have a little bit of time to talk to Sam.” Wanda said to him, brushing his hair across his forehead. Steve nodded and followed her up to the flight deck.

 

           She went over to the console and leaned into the microphone there.

 

           “Sam? We're leaving now. We're gonna complete the mission. We're all thinking of you.”

 

           She waited for a beat. “Sam? We're gonna go now. We love you.” Still silence. Steve felt fear well up in his heart but he also could understand. They were leaving him to die, because it had all been one big fuck up on Steve’s end.

 

           “You guys got this, I know it. See you on the other side.” Sam’s reassurance suffused warmth in Steve. Sam was a good man, the best man. Steve turned and gave a salute towards the Valkyrie as they flew, the distance growing until the ship was barely visible.

 

           “You should sleep, Steve. Your body needs rest.”

 

           “Not right now, we have to figure out what happened.” As he spoke, Natasha walked on the flight deck, alone. Obviously she had deposited Tony in his room.

 

           “I've been through FRIDAY's activity file and I checked it. Double-checked it. Wanda triple-checked it. And it's the same results. In other words, unless FRIDAY is deleting her own files, she didn't do it. And there was no malfunction on the airlock hardware. Which means the airlock was decoupled manually.” She looked at him cryptically.

 

           Wanda looked at Steve. “Nat and I were on the flight deck.” Right, he knew that. But then how?

 

           “We were all on Valkyrie, in the Sun room.” Steve said, brows furrowing as he tried to think.

 

           “But Barnes wasn’t.” Nat looked at him.

 

           “What? Bucky?! He’s asleep in the infirmary!” Steve’s eyes darted from her to the camera feed of the infirmary. It was empty. “Wait, where’s Bucky?” He turned to glare at Wanda. “Where is he?!”

 

           Wanda took a small step backward. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. The last time I saw him was before you all went into Valkyrie’s Sun room.” Her lip trembled and Steve felt his anger deflate. Wanda had been dealing with tragedy.

 

           “No, I’m sorry Wanda. When was the next time you checked?” She wiped at her tears with her sleeve.

 

           “Not until after the we decoupled, and the infirmary was empty.” She blinked away more tears. “So I’m not sure when he left.”

 

           “Ok but this is Bucky. Why would he decouple the airlocks? There’s no reason to do that unless it was to ruin the mission.” His eyes turned cold. “And I know you’re not trying to suggest he wanted to sabotage the mission.” Nat threw her hands up, palms out and placating.

 

           “He could have zoned out and not realized what he was doing. I don’t think Barnes would ever consciously sabotage the mission.” Steve frowned at her wording. “But he’s the only other option.”

 

           “Did you see him near the airlock?”

 

           “No, neither of us have seen him.” Nat looked quickly at Wanda as she spoke, the brunette nodded.

 

           “So he could have just gotten up and gone to bed.” Steve reasoned. “And he didn’t decouple the airlocks.” He crossed his arms at them.

 

           Wanda nodded along “He could have done that. We just don’t know.” She looked at Steve. “I know he wouldn’t try to hurt the mission.” Besides Steve, Wanda was the other person closest to Bucky, and Steve could tell she wanted to believe that he didn’t do it.

 

“           So, somehow it got manually decoupled by not by any of us?” Nat shot them both incredulous looks. When neither Steve nor Wanda said anything she sighed. “The possibility remains that it was him, and we have to take that seriously.”

 

           “By doing what? Doping him into a coma?” Her face was flat and Steve felt his stomach sink as his thoughts raced. “Or, because now that Sam and Bruce are gone, there’s only one extra person consuming our limited oxygen supply?” He met Nat’s eyes, blue against green. “You think we should kill him.” It came out close to a growl.

 

           “With just 4 people breathing in O2, we can make it to the Sun. If there are 5, that time is reduced by hours. Critical hours. Our hope was the Valkyrie but that didn’t pan out. I’m just crunching the numbers, Rogers. My mind’s on the mission. Is yours, Captain?”

 

           “We’re not murdering him.” Steve didn’t even realize he was stepping forward until he was looming over Nat. But she glared right back at him, shoulders squared, not giving up an inch.

 

           “We could give him the choice. Lay out all the facts. He’d be willing to do whatever it took to complete the mission and you know it.”

 

           “By convincing him to commit suicide? Jesus Nat, listen to yourself!”

 

           “I am! I’m the only one who is!”

 

           “There might be another option…” Wanda interjected, looking thoughtful. Both Steve and Natasha turned to look at her. “I haven’t been in the oxygen garden since the flashover, but I did have a few buds that were barely sprouted. If I can get them going, it would give us more oxygen.” She looked at them hopefully.

 

           “A few baby plants aren’t going to sustain us.”

 

           “You mean they can’t sustain the whole ship. But what if we limited the oxygen to just a few rooms? Conserve what we have and let the plants grow. We could make it to the Sun, and probably more. We might be able to have enough to come back to the Valkyrie and reclaim any of those plants.” Wanda spoke faster, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “We could rescue Sam and make it back home.”

 

           “Do you really think so?” Steve asked her carefully, trying to tamp down the hope blossoming in his chest.

 

           She nodded. “We’d all probably have to stick to just the flight deck and kitchen. Maybe all sleep in the same room? Can you find a way to reroute the air vents?”

 

           Steve’s brain flashed through blueprints and he brought his right fist up to his chin. If he blocked air vents 30-84 then it would divert air flow to-”Yes, definitely. We can limit oxygen usage to the flight deck, kitchen and... infirmary; it already has cots, so we can just bunk up. We can do this! You’re amazing Wanda!” She flushed.

 

           Nat looked at them both. “That’s a lot of assumptions. Wanda, go check through the oxygen garden to confirm that there are even plants.” Wanda nodded enthusiastically and dashed off. “If she doesn’t find any, Steve, my option is still there.” She gave him a look. “In the meantime, you need to get to the air ducts and figure out how to reroute them. Grab Tony. I’ll look for Barnes.” Steve shook his head.

 

           “No, you’re not going anywhere near Bucky until we hear from Wanda. You go grab Tony, I’ll check mine and Buck’s room then head to the maintenance room.” She glared at him. “Captain’s order, Romanoff.”

 

           “Fine. But you also know I’m right.” She stomped off as Steve sighed. He needed to find Bucky.

 

~

 

           Tony was sitting on the floor of his room. It felt like he had just shut his eyes when suddenly in front of him was Bruce; being wrenched away from his grip, his mouth open in a silent scream, eyes locked on Tony, betrayed. Tony had jolted so hard out of the dream that he had fallen. He still felt Bruce’s eyes judging him. He held his hand to his chest, feeling his heart pound against his ribcage. _Bruce._ Suddenly, there came a knock at his door and Natasha entered. She eyed him cautiously before reaching out a hand to help him up.

 

           “What’s going on Nat?” She gave him an unreadable look and she pulled him.

 

           “Wanda thinks she might have figured out a way to buy us some more time. Maybe even to get home. You need to help Steve figure out how to redirect air flow.”

 

           Tony looked at her agape. “What? How?”

 

           She sighed. “Remember how I said if we only had 4 crew members, we could make it to the Sun?” Tony nodded, _right the murder lottery_. “Well, now we’re just 5 crew members. We’re consuming less oxygen. Wanda thinks there might still be some plants left, and that if we limited the spaces we occupy…”

 

           “We could cut down on the consumption and then the little plants grow and give us enough oxygen to reach the Sun!” Tony nodded along. “And then we might be able to swing back around to Valkyrie and raid their garden. Even rescue Wilson!” He beamed at Nat. “This is great!”

 

           She sighed. “Yeah, if there are plants, and if you and Steve can redirect the airflow. IF. Tony. That’s a lot of unknowns. Plus there’s Barnes.”

 

           “What about Barnes?”

 

           “He’s the only one would could have decoupled the airlocks. It was done manually. And we don’t know where he is.” That made no sense.

 

           “That makes no sense. Barnes would never sabotage the mission.” Tony said firmly.

 

           “Barnes would never CONSCIOUSLY sabotage the mission.” Nat corrected him. “Didn’t you accuse him of sabotage before?” A knot formed in Tony’s throat.

 

           “You think he went robot and decoupled the airlocks.” When she didn’t reply. “So what do you want to do? Execute him so it’s just us 4?!”

 

           “No! I want to find him and figure out what happened. But we’re so far in the red here, Tony. Any more accidents or mistakes could cause mission failure. I can’t have that. We can’t have that.”

 

           “So what, find him, if it’s true, we drug him and keep him in a coma? Stasis until we’re on our way home?”

 

           “If that’s what it takes!” She shouted this time, her calm mask slipping finally. “If we need to keep him sleeping in the fridge I’d do it if it meant we would succeed on this mission! Nothing else matters Tony. You know that!” He sobered up. She was right, they didn’t have time for indecision. Every single one of them had signed off on this mission, knowing they could die. Willing to, in fact, if it meant saving the Earth.

 

           “FRIDAY?”

 

           “Yes, Tony?” Chirped the AI.

 

           “Run an update on biometric signs for all crew. Check oxygen consumption.” He got up and tugged his shirt off.

 

           “ Checking.”

 

           “Thank you.” Nat coughed at him. “This one is all sweaty, just hand me a new shirt.” He reached out his hand to her and nodded at his dresser. She snorted but opened a drawer and pulled out a fresh black t-shirt. Stretching her hand out she acted like she was handing it to him, only to throw it in his face when he leaned closer. He sputtered as he pulled it off his face. He was about to say something when the AI interrupted them.

 

           “Tony.” She sounded oddly serious.

 

           “Yes?”

 

           “You are dying. All crew are dying.”

 

           Tony waved his hand in dismissal. “Yeah yeah, we know we're dying. As long as we can live long enough to deliver the payload...we're okay with it. We’re gonna figure out how to extend…”

 

           “Tony, warning. You will not live long enough to deliver the payload.” That didn’t make sense.

 

           “Please clarify.Are you taking into account us conserving O2?” He said levelly.

 

           “Yes, there is not enough oxygen to sustain crew members until Avenger reaches delivery.”

 

           Tony flashed a startled look at Nat, who looked just as surprised. “Impossible. Wanda was certain. We have remaining oxygen to keep four crew alive until delivery, we should have enough if we conserve for 5.”

 

           “Affirmative. Four crew could survive on current reserves...5 could survive by taking conservation measures.”

 

           “Right! Five crew: Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Barnes, and me.”

 

           “Negative.” Nat stood ramrod straight and Tony felt like air had been punched out of his lungs.

 

           “Repeat, FRIDAY.”

 

           “Negative, Tony. There are 7 crew members.” That...wasn’t possible. Couldn’t be possible! Natasha looked just as startled.

 

           “FRIDAY, who are the other crew members?” She demanded.

 

           “Unknown.” What? How could FRIDAY not know the other two members? What the hell was going on?

 

           “What the fuck?” Natasha glanced to Tony.

 

           “Where are the unknown crew members?”

 

           “Sun room.” _What? Why?_ Tony felt dread flood his bloodstream like ice water. Nat was staring at his door.

 

           “Tony, you need to go find Steve near the maintenance room. I’m going to grab Wanda. Keep alert. Grab whatever you can as a weapon. Do not go looking for wherever the unknows are. Just find Steve.” He nodded.

 

           “Right, ok. Go find Steve near the maintenance room. You’ll be safe?” He looked at her, she reached over to his desk and grabbed one of the scissors from the toolkit he had pilfered. She flashed a chesire grin.

 

           “I’m armed.” Tony gulped. Sometimes it was easy to forget how scary Nat could be.

 

           “Ok, I’m going.” He grabbed a wrench from the kit.

 

           “Be careful and stay quiet.” He nodded at her and they entered the hallway, heading in separate directions.

 

~

 

           Steve couldn’t find Bucky in either of their quarters, the kitchen, or the infirmary. Steve felt a bit stumped, where would Bucky go if not to any of those places? He thought for a minute before realizing, _The garden_! He had worked a lot with Wanda, especially after the Sun room incident. Steve could imagine that Bucky would have wanted to start trying to help. He made his way to the garden. The glass walls of the garden seemed to be streaked with soot. It made it hard to see. But he spied Wanda, bent over something. And by her side, a man with short brown hair. Steve couldn’t make out a face but he smiled. Bucky must have decided to help Wanda. He didn’t want to disturb them. He knew that if Bucky had heard about Pietro, he’d be wanting to talk to her alone. Steve turned and made his way to the maintenance room. Hopefully Wanda and Bucky could find those plants and they could finally receive good news.

 

           Steve was just making his way down the hall when he heard FRIDAY loudly speaking. “Warning, you do not have authority to remove the mainframe panels from the coolant. Please return the panels to the coolant. l cannot locate your biometric signs. Please identify yourself.”

 

           Without even thinking, Steve ran down to the mainframe room, skidding in to find someone had activated removal of nearly every mainframe from their coolant tanks, and was walking around each, doing something with his hands.

 

           “Identify myself? Who am I? At the end of time...a moment will come when just one man remains. Then the moment will pass. The last man will be alone with God. Will become God. I am that man!” When he came around the corner Steve finally could see his face, or what was left of it. His skin was red, he had no hair, no eyebrows, nothing. His face was so thin Steve felt like he was looking almost at a skull with eyes. He blinked at Steve. Who? But then recognition flooded Steve. This…being spoke with a slight German accent.

 

           “Schmidt? What the hell are you doing?! We need the mainframes to finish the mission! To save Earth!”

 

           “You are deluded, Captain. That is not our purpose.” He strode closer to Steve, eyes darting around his face. Steve knew that he looked tanner, than the last time Schmidt had seen him. “Ah, you have felt the power then. You have received a gift. Why do you care what happens to that ungrateful planet? Are you just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind? That we have been touched by God? Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!”

 

           “You’re insane!” Steve gasped at him. Schmidt smiled and his white teeth stood out in stark contrast to his deep red face.

 

           “No, Captain. I am enlightened.” He held his arms out wide and Steve lunged at him before he could even think. He tackled the other man into the console, slamming him against it with all the force Steve could muster. Schmidt barely seemed dazed, reaching his own hand out to wrap around Steve’s throat. “You think you can stand against the power God bestows?” He squeezed harder and Steve felt as if the other man were crushing his windpipe. He kicked at Schmidt’s knees, knocking him slightly off balance enough to reach in with his arms and throw them out wide, breaking Schmidt’s grip. Steve toppled backwards, catching himself with his left arm behind his back and quickly standing. Schmidt was already coming at him, fist raised.

 

           Steve barely managed to bring his arm up to block the punch, knocking it to the side and slamming his own fist into Schmidt’s face. The other man’s skin felt leathery to the touch and he hardly moved from the blow. How the hell was he so strong? The other man gave him another terrify grin before throwing out a series of punches. Steve blocked as many as he could but the last one got him in the solar plexus. He fell to his knees, his breath knocked violently out of him. As he tried to suck in a raggedy breath, Schmidt wandered over to the next panel, pressing the button for it to rise and then walking around the side to do something with his hands. Steve braced a hand on the ground and tried to rise, but fell back on his knees as dizziness overwhelmed him.

 

           “That’s right, kneel before God.” Schmidt cackled as FRIDAY continued her warning loudly around them. He came to the last mainframe, CT1, and pressed the button.

 

           “FRIDAY, lock down all doors!” Steve shouted as he leapt to his feet, launching himself at Schmidt, who was touching the mechanism. This tackle sent them flying, but even as Steve hit the other man, something smashed into the side of his head. Everything went black.

 

~

 

           Tony had been making his way to the maintenance room, glancing behind himself every once in a while to check if he could see anyone. Unfortunately, he was gazing backwards when he walked right into someone who made an “oof” sound. Tony panicked and flung his wrench arm out even as he turned his head back.

 

           “Tony!? What the hell?” Bucky Barnes stood in front of him, having grabbed Tony’s arm at the last moment and holding it. Sheesh his grip was strong.

 

           “Barnes?!” Tony blinked at him. The navigator released Tony’s arm and stepped back, holding his arms up in surrender.

 

           “Shit, Tony. What’s going on?” The other man looked confused, but definitely present. Thank god.

 

           “We’ve figured out a way to get more oxygen. I was supposed to meet Steve at maintenance but then FRIDAY told us we have intruders.”

 

           “Intruders? What? Where are Bruce and Sam?” Shit, Tony forgot that Barnes could have been unconscious for their whole Valkyrie failure.

 

           “Bruce and Sam are gone.” It was still so hard to choke that out. Or well, maybe Sam was still alive but that didn’t matter right now. “The Valkyrie was a dead end, ship was sabotaged. The crew incinerated themselves. Or I guess… some of them did? But then we got decoupled from the airlock and had to fly through space to get back to the ship. And FRIDAY places two unknown crew members aboard the ship. Nat went to go find Wanda at the oxygen garden.”  Barnes’ eyes darted from side to side as he processed Tony’s information.

 

           “I just came from the garden, I didn’t see anyone in there so I was headed back this way.”

 

           “That’s not possible, Wanda was supposed to be in the garden.”

 

           Barnes shook his head. “I walked in and called out, no one replied so I walked back out.”

 

           Tony sucked in a deep breath. “Are you positive?”

 

           “Yes.” Replied Barnes firmly. “So you said Nat’s going to find Wanda and you’re supposed to meet up with Steve?” Tony nodded. “Ok, then let’s go find Steve.” Barnes turned the corner for the maintenance room, striding confidently in front of Tony. Tony followed behind him, glancing back every so often. He felt so much more comfortable now that he wasn’t alone. They reached maintenance with no further incident. But Steve wasn’t there. Barnes frowned and Tony glanced around.

 

           “Steve?” He whispered. No answer. “Hey, Cap?” He called tentatively. Suddenly the ship lurched and Tony stumbled into Barnes, who grabbed him around the shoulders to steady him. The Avenger sounded strange.

 

           “Tony? Tony!” Natasha’s voice rang out from their earpieces. Barnes had startled a bit but Tony had jumped, which caused his chest to slam into the other man.

 

           “Nat?” Barnes steadied Tony again and looked at him worriedly.

 

           “Barnes?? Where’s Tony?”

 

           “I’m here, Nat. With Barnes. What’s going on?”

 

           “Wanda….Wanda’s dead. Someone cut her throat.” Tony’s heart plummeted and Barnes gasped.

 

           “What?!”

 

           “Whoever these intruders are, they’re hostile. I repeat, they’re hostile. I’m headed to the payload. I think they’re trying to disable our ship and ruin the mission.”

 

           “Schmidt’s weird message. You think he scuttled Valkyrie?” Tony frowned. Barnes gave him a questioning look.

 

           “Him and another one of the crew. Who else didn’t you find in the Valkyrie Sun room?” But Tony didn’t know, he hadn’t been looking over the bodies, he had been more concerned with the ship’s functionality. Trying to find a way to reach JARVIS.

 

           “I don’t know. I don’t know!”

 

           “It’s ok, Tony and I are going to find Steve. We’ll keep an eye out for Schmidt and whoever else. Be careful Natalia.” Barnes spoke calmly and kept his right hand on Tony’s shoulder, grounding him. Right, Barnes had been Roger’s second in command. B Crew had called him “mom”. Tony couldn’t be more grateful that their navigator was present and alert.

 

           “Copy. You both stay safe too, Yasha.” Nat’s voice sounded soft and Tony remember briefly their discussion in his room about Barnes. Standing with the man in the flesh, Tony couldn’t even comprehend the suggestion of his death. Barnes met his eyes and clapped Tony on the shoulder.

 

           “Alright, Tony, keep that wrench held tight and follow behind me. Don’t go through any intersections until I’ve check them, got it?” Tony nodded.

 

           “But what about a weapon?”

 

           Barnes gave him a tight smile. “I’ve had lots of training in hand to hand combat Tony. Don’t worry about me.”

 

           Tony nodded again. “Ok, right, following you.” They set off cautiously down the hall, Tony jerking at any noise. The ship continued to sound strange, almost as if parts of it were powering down? Barnes stopped and Tony jerked backward, trying not to walk into him. Barnes shuffled so that his back was to the wall and he pushed Tony into the same position. After Tony moved next to him, Barnes glanced around the corner, eyes darting with precision. When he seemed sure, he rounded the corner and slunk to the opposite side of the intersection, moving flat against that wall. Tony shuffled up to the corner and kept his eyes on Barnes. Barnes finally nodded at him and Tony made his way to the other man.

 

           The continued like that for a time, Barnes scouting ahead before giving Tony the ok to follow. They were coming down the hallway, passing the airlock antechamber to their left when suddenly Tony was grabbed from behind. He barely had a chance to swing his wrench before a strong arm was wrapped around his throat and he felt a harsh, stinging punch in his back. Tony let out a strangled sound and Barnes whirled around, his eyes wide.

 

           “Rumlow?”

 

           The figure holding Tony laughed. It sounded painful, like the man had been gargling glass.

 

           “Not anymore, I’ve been given a gift. I’ve ascending beyond humanity.” Tony would have snorted if the pain in his back wasn’t so sharp it was stealing his breath away.

 

           “What? Your face... Have you been spending all your time in Sunlight?” Barnes moving closer with small precise movements. Tony glanced out of the corner of his eye and caught sight of Rumlow’s face. It was indeed completely fucked up. It looked like he had burns all over it, some of the hair close to his forehead had been burned away too. His arm was similarly scarred.

 

           “I’ve been in the presence of God, accepted His light, and He has given me glorious gifts.” So this guy was just a bag of crazy then. Rumlow raised his other hand up, something shiny and dripping red clenched in his hand. Oh, right, Tony had been stabbed. That was Tony’s blood. He felt dizzy at the sight of it. Rumlow angled the blade towards Tony’s throat. _This is the man who killed Wanda. And how he’s going to kill me._ Tony closed his eyes, waiting for the slice.

 

           “Wait, wait! I understand what you mean.” Barnes’ words made Tony’s eyes shoot open to stare at him. Rumlow had stopped moving. His head cocked.

 

           “It’s so bright, so powerful. At first it hurts, to look into that and you just want to go for cover.” Barnes had stopped moving, was speaking earnestly, his eyes locked with Rumlow’s. “But then, you just sort of embrace it and you feel nothing but warmth. And you feel stronger, more alive. Like there’s nothing inside of you but light.” His voice was reverent.

 

           Rumlow was nodding enthusiastically. “Yes, yes! You have felt God. You’ve been gifted.”

 

           Barnes nodded back. “I have. I get it, it’s the best rush, the best feeling.” His eyes were still staring at Rumlow.

 

           “And none of the other understand, they don’t respect that feeling! How many years has our God been in decline and humanity did nothing? Nothing! No wonder God is leaving them, they’re undeserving. But we have felt His light, have felt His embrace.” With every word Rumlow seemed to fall further into whatever madness had claimed him. “So you understand, we can’t finish this mission. God has given us His power, and we must be His army against the humans. We must defend Him from their intervention. This mission cannot be allowed to succeed. All Hail His Glory.” Tony choked on a breath, the pain from his wound lancing through him once again. The noise brought both Rumlow and Barnes’s attention back to him. Rumlow raised the knife again.

 

           “All Hail His Glory.” Barnes said. “I’m with you, you’re right. Humanity doesn’t deserve another chance.” Tony could only gape at him. His voice was so full of conviction, his eyes clear and strong. Is this what was going on in Barnes’s head? Behind all the zoning out? Is this what was in Bruce’s head whenever he sat in the Sun room for hours, talking to Tony of stardust? Is this what he meant? Had they both been consumed with this...Sun madness?

 

           Barnes reached out his hand, somehow he had gotten close enough that if Tony reached out a hand, he could probably touch Barnes. “Let me prove it.” He said, reaching palm up for the knife clutched in Rumlow’s hands. “Let me show you whose side I’m on.”

 

           Rumlow seemed to hesitate for a moment before dropping the weapon into Barnes’s hand. Tony wondered if this betrayal was what Bruce had felt when he was floating off into space. Just this hollow feeling. Barnes flipped the knife with skill, grabbing the handle with the blade pointed down and following the line of his arm. Like he had probably done a thousand times. Rumlow loosened his arm around Tony’s neck and stepped back. Tony felt himself sagging forward, toward Barnes and his knife. This was it.

 

           Barnes caught him and raised his hand up, knife pointing down at Tony, when he suddenly whirled and instead struck toward Rumlow. Tony spun and was shoved against the wall as the two men fought. Rumlow and Barnes seemed to be evenly matched in strength and skill. They were trading blows and Tony blinked as the knife flashed past him, skittering across the floor of the hallway.

 

           “Tony, get out of here!” Barnes yelled, one of his wrists caught in Rumlow’s hand as he dropped down to flip the other man over his head. Tony blinked, it was so hard to think with the pain that was radiating through him. He stumbled forward, one hand braced around his side while his other palm brushed along the wall until he felt a doorway, and he gingerly made his way in. Into… oh, the airlock antechamber. That wasn’t where Tony had meant to go but here he was. He was about to try and sit when something rushed into him from behind, knocking him to the ground.

 

           Rumlow had somehow broken free from Barnes and had tackled Tony to the ground, kneeling over him with another knife raised in his fist. Tony brought his hands up reflexively in front of his face but Barnes had regained his footing and plowed into Rumlow’s side. The force of his tackle was hard enough to send both of them into the airlock and the knife clattering away from them. The psycho landed on the ground and Barnes straddled him, bringing his fists up to punch him over and over. Tony was sliding forward, hoping to reach into the airlock and grab the knife when suddenly both sets of doors began to close. Tony tumbled backwards, confused,

 

           “FRIDAY?” But the AI was silent. As the doors clicked shut, all the lights flickered out and Tony was bathed in darkness and silence.

 

           “FRIDAY? FRIDAY!” Tony yelled as hard as he could. “FRIDAY! ANSWER ME!’

 

           “Tony?” Natasha’s voice sounded strange, it vibrated in Tony’s skull. He couldn’t think, why his skull? Oh right, absolute worst case scenario back up comms. Subdermal implants.

 

           “Nat?”

 

           “Tony! I’m at the payload, where are you?”

 

           “The airlock antechamber.”

 

           “Where’s Barnes?”

 

           Tony stumbled over to the window from the antechamber to the airlock. Barnes had Rumlow pinned and was glancing up, meeting Tony’s eyes through the window.

 

           “I’m in the airlock. Where’s Steve?” Despite the fact that Tony watched him speak, it still startled him to feel the words’ vibration.

 

           “Steve? Steve!” Barnes shouted as Tony slumped sideways, leaning on the window heavily.

 

~

 

           “Steve? Steve!” Bucky’s voice rang out almost as if inside his head  as Steve staggered up from his slumped position against the door. His ears were still ringing from the blow Schmidt had landed above his right ear.

  
           “What?” He clutched at his head, glancing around the room for any sign of Schmidt. Instead all he saw was the tanks cast in a pale blue light. _Shit_. Every mainframe was out of their tanks and the ship was now foundered. In his head he quickly ran down the list of priority CTs. CT1, CT2, CT5...

 

       “Steve, babe comeon. I need you to focus.” Steve staggered towards CT1 and depressed the submerge button. Nothing. He glanced around the cylinder until he found the mechanism. It had been smashed. How? It shouldn’t have been possible, but given the fact that he probably had a concussion, somehow Schmidt was stronger? If the mechanism was disabled the only way to get the tank to submerge would be to remove the bolts. It would cause the mainframe to slam down into the tank and make it impossible for it to be removed again but what did that matter now? He spun around and made for the tool kit on the wall. Steve’s had slipped when he grabbed the panel. His hand was covered in blood and he dimly recognized the sensation of it running down his neck. His vision swam.

 

       “Steve please!” There were black spots twinkling in his vision as he latched his hand around the edge and pulled with all his strength. The cover came away with a shriek of metal. He stared down, numb before reaching for a wrench. “Steve!” Oh right, Bucky was calling him. He grasped the wrench with his left hand and turned back around.

 

           “Bucky?” Why did Bucky’s voice seem to vibrate his bones? Reflexively, his right hand came to tap gently at the small bump behind and below his ear. Shuri’s backup comms. When the ship lost power her comms were programmed to initiate and be activated whenever they spoke. Thank goodness for Shuri’s paranoia.

 

           “Steve you need to get the ship back up and running.” Bucky ground out, sounding out of breath.

 

           “Right, Schmidt broke the mechanism so I’m going to have to get each mainframe back into their tanks manually” He glanced over at the tanks, debating how long he could take on each one. CT1 was the definite priority but after power, should he skip over FRIDAY’s mainframe to restore power to the solar panels next?

 

           “You need to get power back for the payload.” The words came out in a rush and Bucky grunted with effort.  

 

           “What? Why that next? I have to get the ship going and get FRIDAY back online. Where are Nat and Tony?”

 

           Steve took a deep breath and dove down into the coolant. For just a second it felt like nothing, and Steve stretched his hand out with the wrench and secured the head around the nut. Then fire blazed across his skin so hot and overpowering he nearly dropped his tool. He fought his instinct to immediately remove himself from the situation and twisted the wrench around, it took few turns before the nut felt loose enough that he could pull it off bare handed. It felt like his nerves were burning out, the cold sensation so overpowering that all his body could register it as was pure searing heat. He pulled the nut off the bolt with a snap of his wrist and tore the bolt out of its slot on the opposite side. Even as he did that he used his other arm to push off the side of the tank, kicking his feet downward to propel himself up. As soon as his arms were out of the tank he heaved his body over the edge and rolled to a stop on the floor. The agony receded, leaving him shivering and so, so cold.

 

           “Tony and Nat are going to the bomb and they’re going to deploy it. But you need to get the power to the pod so they can detach it.”

 

           “Bucky what-”

 

           “Don’t listen to Barnes. Follow the priority list.” Tony bit out acidily in a breathy voice.

 

           “We don’t have time! You’ve been stabbed and who knows how long you’ll be conscious. Wanda’s dead. Schmidt’s probably making his way to the bomb right now. If he breaks in and disables it permanently, then we fail in our mission.” Silence for a moment. “The mission is our priority.” Bucky’s voice was tight. “Steve, you have to get the power to the bomb going first.”

 

           “Stabbed? Tony?” Steve rubbed his hands together furiously, his fingers stung as they regained normal circulation. Wait, did Bucky say Wanda was dead?

 

           “I’m ok. Heart’s still going strong, just need a bandaid s’all. Get the power back to the ship and FRIDAY, Steve.”

 

           “No! If the power comes back before the bomb, Schmidt has time to reach it! Right now he’s trapped in the corridors, you can’t give him more chances to get any closer.” Bucky’s voice was pure steel.

 

           Steve sluggishly clambered to his feet, beginning to make his way around to the other side, where the second bolt was. Suddenly, a furious clanging reached his ears. It was coming from the backroom. But who? Schmidt! After he had disabled CT1, Steve had tackled him. Steve’s tackle must have shoved him in there while FRIDAY had locked down the doors. He was trapped, and Steve was in his way to the corridors that lead to the rest of the ship. Which meant...Bucky was right. He scrambled over to CT4 instead, sucking in a deep breath and dove. It wasn’t any easier the second time, diving into the coolant. It still felt like his skin was being burned from his bones and his hands seemed to lock in place. He managed to twist the wrench and pull the nut and bolt but as he was pulling himself out, his hand slipped and he dropped back down into the freezing liquid. This time when he finally managed to heave his body up, his fingers were white almost blue and it took several seconds before feeling surged back through his extremities. A gasp punched its way out of his chest.

 

           “Rogers, I swear if you’re doing something stupid-” Nat’s voice was barely above a whisper.

 

           “Bucky’s right. Schmidt is trapped...on this side of the ship right now but...as soon as power gets back to the doors he’ll make his way there...All of you need to...get to the payload.” Talking was hard, his lungs couldn’t pull in enough breath.

 

           “Nat, where are you-!” Bucky’s question ended with a surprised exclamation and a muffled grunt.

 

           “I’m inside the payload. What’s going on?” Her voice was sharp.

 

           “He’s fighting Rumlow.” Tony replied. “In the airlock.”

 

           “Wait, Tony, where are you?” Steve’s hands were no longer violently shaking, but were only trembling. It would have to do.

 

           He sucked in a deep breath as Tony replied, “In the anteroom to the airlock.” And then he was plunged again into fire and ice. When he pulled the bolt out the mainframe panel slammed down violently, almost crushing his foot. He barely got out of the way, his limbs moved like they were weighed down with boulders. It took him a considerable amount of time to pull himself out of the tank. By the time he pulled his lower body out, both of his legs were completely numb. He beat his fists against his thighs, trying to shock feeling back into them.

 

           “Payload. power. Restored. You all have. to get to there. Now.” Feeling bled back into his thighs and calves, but his feet were still stone.

 

           “How? I’m trapped just outside of the airlock and Barnes is in the airlock. How would we be able to get to it without ship power? I can’t run any marathons here either.” Tony’s reply dripped venom and condescension. How would...it felt like his thoughts were molasses.

 

           “I’ll get the power. Going. And then you let Buck into the ship. And make your way there. Together. I’ll keep Schmidt here. Somehow.”

 

           “What about Rumlow? Steve I can’t fight him.” Tony’s voice pitched high.

 

           “You’re not going to. Get in the SHIELD, Tony.”

 

           “Bucky, what?”

 

           “What?”

 

           “Barnes-” All three of them spoke at once.

 

           “Tony’s going to get in the SHIELD, Nat’s going to detach the payload, Steve’s going to restore the ship’s power and then Tony is going out the airlock and make his way to the bomb.”

 

           Steve felt as if time had stopped. “What about you?”

 

           “Rumlow and I are going out the airlock when Tony opens it.” Steel again. It was said with such certainty that Steve felt himself nodding before the words caught up to him.

 

           “What?! No! I’m going to restore the power and then we’ll get the thrusters going. We need to get the ship closer to the Sun.”

 

           “We don’t have the time to get the thrusters up and running _and_ reposition the ship. It’s off course. Schmidt and Rumlow can still take any one of us out and we need two people to manually set off the bomb since we can’t do it remotely.” Nat’s voice gentle. “It’s too many variables Steve. You’re hurt, Tony’s hurt, we’re dead in the air right now.”

 

           Steve shook his head, all of his words choked up in his throat and his eyes stung. “I’m not going to turn on the power just so you can kill yourself Bucky! I won’t do it. We’re not trading your life.”

 

           “We’re all already dead, Sweetheart. End of the line. I’m sorry but you need to get the power going. We have to complete the mission. This is my choice.”

 

           “Steve we can figure out another way. Barnes’ has Rumlow in a chokehold right now. I can-, I’ll hit him, knock him out somehow.” Tony sounded desperately weak in his ears. Wanda was dead, Schmidt was still smashing at the back room door, and Nat was silent.

 

           Steve felt a vice tighten around his chest and it felt as if he would crumble under the weight of it all. None of this was supposed to happen. If only they hadn’t decided to go to the Valkyrie. It was all his fault, he had been so dead set on rescuing everyone! Now half the crew was gone, the ship was a mausoleum, and he couldn’t feel his feet. Steve took in a deep breath and when he spoke, his voice was deadly calm.

 

           “Tony get into a SHIELD and be ready to get to the bomb. When I turn the power on Nat’s going to detach the pod and you open the door and let Bucky and Rumlow in with you. Bucky, you keep a hold of Rumlow while Tony goes out the airlock. Captain’s orders.” His voice was flat and cold, foreign to himself even as he made his way to the correct side of the tank. “I mean it Bucky.”

 

           “Steve-”

          

           “Do you all copy?” He cut off Bucky’s reply harshly.

 

           “Yes, Captain.” Bucky intoned, Tony and Nat echoing him.

 

           “Good, get ready.” Steve pulled all the air into his lungs that he could before diving down. His movements were much slower now then they had been when he started. The fire across his skin seemed...less. A numbness hugged around him like a shield. This time when the mainframe slammed down, it seemed to halt Steve’s movement. He had to push off even harder against the base to break the surface. But he didn’t have time to question it as he pushed himself up and out of the tank, staggering toward the door that Schmidt was behind. As the lights flickered Steve raised the wrench above his head. The main lights flared to life and the door wooshed open, Schmidt racing out of it. Straight into the arc of Steve’s swing. The wrench smashed into Schmidt’s red face with a crack and he was flung to the side and into the mainframe of CT2.

 

           Steve staggered, his left foot slid almost out from under him as he tried to keep himself on his feet. All around his left foot the surface was slick. In his peripheral vision, Schmidt was straightening up. Steve changed his momentum and attempted to hit him with another swing; but he slipped and instead propelled his body into Schmidt and knocking them both into the coolant. Schmidt, who hadn’t spent the last few minutes in and out of the tanks, was shocked by the cold, but Steve’s nerves were already deadened to the pain so he was able to bash Schmidt in the face again with his wrench, then kick him in the stomach. He used that motion to get closer to the edge so he could pull himself out, his head breaching the surface. He felt the barest touch, and glanced down to see Schmidt gripping his left ankle, trying to pull Steve down, and push himself up. Red color was swirling around his foot and somewhere in the back of his head he realized that it was blood from the wound where his fifth and fourth toe used to be. He lashed out with his right foot, catched Schmidt right in the nose once, twice, three times. With each successful kick Schmidt reeled more and more. On the last kick, his hand loosed from Steve’s ankle and he floated backwards, his breath escaping in bubbles. Steve threw both arms up and pulled, bringing his chest up out of the tank. He huffed out a deep breath that was heard over the comms.  
  
           “Steve? I love you.” Bucky’s voice sounded so, so soft. Steve felt all his strength leave him at those words. He collapsed with his chest on the edge, his legs still in the coolant. _Please_.

 

           “Bucky?”

 

           And then Tony was screaming.

 

~

 

           Tony couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his screams as he watched as Bucky Barnes and Brock Rumlow were wrenched violently out into blackness. _How could he do it?_ _How could he kill them both?_ As soon as they all had heard Steve’s voice, Barnes had fought his way over to the airlock controls and as he spoke aloud for them all to hear, he pushed the button to open the airlock.

 

           Barnes’s words twisted around his brain like a hurricane. “We’re already dead.” He couldn’t breathe, he was spiraling down into the dark, his head weighed too much and all he could hear was static. All he could feel was the pain from his side, it trickled through his body like burning oil. Was his heartbeat too fast?

 

           “TONY! Tony you have get into a SHIELD. Tony you need to get yourself to the first aid kit and then get into a SHIELD. You have to hurry Tony!” Nat’s voice sunk its way down to him. His limbs were lead and his tongue wouldn’t move.

 

           “Wha-”

 

           “Tony I can’t get a hold of Steve and we need you here to trigger the detonation. You have to get here. Go to the first aid kit and take a shot of adrenaline. Hurry! I don’t know where Schmidt is.”

 

           Her calm tone and certainty spurred him to limp over to the red container to the right of the antechamber door. His fumbled around with the latch, his fingers felt ten times their size and were nearly impossible to coordinate. Everything felt too cold. He pulled a syringe from the kit and pulled the plastic off of the needle with his teeth before jamming it into his thigh. His senses roared back to life.

 

           “Fuck!” The pain flared in his side again, but now it was like he could feel everything. Even the tiniest movement of air across his skin. _I feel high._ He thought, strangely, of a butterfly’s wing, how thin it was and yet so sensitive.

 

           “The SHIELD Tony!” Right, the SHIELD. He tore the golden suit from its straps and it crashed into him, sending him sprawling to the ground. _Whoa._ It was still so heavy. He forced his feet into the legs and fumbled attaching the locks on his shoulders. Suddenly the entire ship lurched, _or was that me?_ and he fell over, the helmet rolling away from him. “Shit!”

 

           “Steve?” Nat’s voice slid across his ears as he tried to pull himself to his feet. _Fuck who decided these suits had to be so heavy?_ It felt like he was pulling himself up through wet sand. “Steve what’s going on?”

 

           His fingers brushed against the helmet, rolling it even farther from him. _Damnit Stark, get a hold of yourself._ He reached out again and managed to grasp the side, pulling it towards him. The seal along his neck clicked as he rotated the helmet over his head and he looked toward the airlock. He could see the payload pulling away from them. How was he going to do this? Even if he opened the door now, the vacuum would just pull him out, he wouldn’t have any way to propel himself to the bomb. _Think Tony._ He glanced around and a gleam of metal from the first aid kit caught his eye. _Air! I can use air._ The fingers of his gloves were so large that he had to nudge the scalpel back and forth before he could get a hold of the handle in his right palm. It was stupidly risky, but it was all he had right now. He gripped the scalpel tightly in his right hand, blade pointed down as he slammed his left palm onto the door release.

 

           He was pulled out into space, the other SHIELD and the contents of the medkit following him out to float around him. He spun so quickly that he almost threw up as he tumbled head over foot. He rotated his arms in the opposite direction of his spin, trying desperately to regain control. The only sound he could hear was his own heavy breathing. As soon as his rolling slowed he squinted through the tiny visor to get a sight on the payload.

 

           The Avenger drifted listlessly, it’s lights shining hollowly. _Where is the bomb?_ He flapped his arms and attempted to redirection himself. There!

 

           “Schmidt is dead.” Steve’s voice startled Tony so badly he almost let go of the scalpel. “Tony are you. There?” Each word sounded as if it were punched out of the captain.

 

           “Almost, gimme a second.” Fisting the scalpel, Tony held out his left hand and drove the point into his palm. A flicker of pain told him he’d cut through the suit before he pushed his palm out in the opposite direction of his target. The air violently propelled itself out of the hole he had made and he clenched his right hand around his left wrist, trying to control his flight. He shot like a bullet, palm pushed down and backwards. He was rocketing head first towards the floating structure. As he got close he tightened his fingers, slowing the airflow until he could control it just enough to force his body upright, studying the outerwall of the payload until he saw the hatch. His left hand had gone from burning like it was dipped in fire to a heady numbness. He shot himself towards the hatch and pounded his fist against the window.

 

           “Open up! Special delivery!” The hatch slid open and he ducked inside, instantly falling to the ground. “Ow. I’m in, I made it.”

 

           He knew someone had to be listening. He heard the hatch close again and then a flash of red appeared in the narrow vision of his visor. Nat removed his helmet, fingers scrambling at the locks on his shoulders as she heaved the front of the suit from his body.

 

           “Good. Now. Detonate. The. Bomb.” Steve’s voice was frail and halting, every word was forced and harsh.

 

           “On it.” Nat replied as she helped Tony shuck the legs of his suit. She hastily tore a piece of her uniform and wrapped it tightly around his left palm. She gave him an appraising look, “That was some flying, Tony.”

 

           He forced a smirk. “Nothing to it.” Turning away from her he spoke again,  “Cap, we got this. We can win. We’re going to complete the mission.”

 

           “Good. Job.” Nat frowned as she grabbed Tony’s left arm, throwing it over her shoulder and helping him walk.

 

           “Where are you, Steve?” She asked as they limped their way towards the center of the bomb.

 

           “Sun. Room. Can’t move. Very well.” Tony glanced sideways at Nat, meeting her green eyes with his own. “Finish. This. You two.”

 

           “We will Cap, we will.”

 

           They made their way slowly to the center of the payload, to where the reaction would take place. It involved a two-step process, entering codes and then pressing two buttons. The reason it took two people(one of whom HAD to be either Tony or T’Challa) for the codes, as well as the buttons being placed specifically too far apart for a single person, was firmly rooted in fear. The World Security Council had insisted that one person being able to operate the bomb was too risky, too high a chance of failure. So Tony had gone over the top and, to be honest, a little movie super villain, in trying to assuage their fears. Still, as he stood at the button, his code already inputted, he turned his head and saw Natasha standing at her button, a mirror of him. It felt nice, not being alone here at the end.

 

           “When the stellar bomb is triggered very little will happen at first. And then a spark will pop into existence and it will hang for an instant, hovering in space. And then it will split into two. And those will split again and again and again. Detonation beyond all imagining.” He told her. She tilted her head slightly and smiled at him, not a bright smile, but a contented one.

 

           “You scared Stark?”

 

           “To see a big bang on a small scale? A new star born out of a dying one? No. I'm not scared. I think it'll be beautiful.” He returned her smile with his own. “What about you, Natasha?”

 

           She shrugged. “There's worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?” She motioned in front of them, where the reaction would take place. “I’m ready Tony.”

 

           “Ok, on three. One, two, three…” The both pressed their buttons. At first, nothing happened and then suddenly there was a small spark of light, and then it doubled, quadrupled, began multiplying out of control. They were both bathed in radiance and time itself seemed to have stopped, or just stretched. Tony smiled widely. _This is for you, Pepper._  

 

~  


           Back on the Avenger, Steve lay in the Sun room. He had dragged himself there, opening the observation filter enough so that he could watch the payload float towards the Sun. He wanted to be able to see it. At first nothing, and then suddenly the explosion. It blew outward, engulfing the Avenger in its expansion.

 

           It was, Steve marveled, exceptionally beautiful in its blindingness. So bright and awesome, an incomprehensible cacophony of color and heat; it was an assault on all his senses. And it meant that they had won. It was over. Relief flooded through him. The pain in his limbs had given way to numbness, and he could barely push his chest out enough to take in more than a gasping breath. He couldn’t move his eyelids and his eyes had moved beyond stinging to the same sort of deadened sensation that had taken over his legs and arms, crawled up his torso and consumed his ears. He didn’t know if he was unable to hear anymore, or if it was just that there was nothing to hear. His exhale shuddered out of him and he found that he was unable to pull air into his chest, his lungs sucking in tiny gasps and his chest compressed further under his own weight. It wasn’t just that the explosion was massive, it was also that the Avenger was still traveling towards the Sun. Something stood out to him from that brilliant expanse. It coalesced into a figure and Steve could feel only joy as he recognized Bucky, haloed by the Sun, and yet somehow, a part of it? He was reaching for Steve, his outstretched hand and his entire body twinkling, as if made of stars. Steve reached his own hand out, towards Bucky and his radiance. He felt engulfed in such tender, sweet warmth that he let himself embrace it. And then he was just. Light.  

 

 

 

 

 **I have a rendezvous with Death** ****  
**At some disputed barricade,** ****  
**When Spring comes back with rustling shade** ****  
**And apple-blossoms fill the air—** ****  
**I have a rendezvous with Death** ****  
**When Spring brings back blue days and fair.** ****  
****  
**It may be he shall take my hand** ****  
**And lead me into his dark land** ****  
**And close my eyes and quench my breath—** ****  
**It may be I shall pass him still.** ****  
**I have a rendezvous with Death** ****  
**On some scarred slope of battered hill,** ****  
**When Spring comes round again this year** ****  
**And the first meadow-flowers appear.** ****  
****  
**God knows ’twere better to be deep** ****  
**Pillowed in silk and scented down,** ****  
**Where love throbs out in blissful sleep,** ****  
**Pulse nigh to pulse, and breath to breath,** ****  
**Where hushed awakenings are dear...** ****  
**But I’ve a rendezvous with Death** ****  
**At midnight in some flaming town,** ****  
**When Spring trips north again this year,** ****  
**And I to my pledged word am true,** **  
** **I shall not fail that rendezvous.**

 

**~Alan Seeger**

 

[artwork](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17982077)

[starmaki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themirrordarkly)

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed any tags lmk and I will add them! Thanks for the read! <3


End file.
